Welcome to Horror

We’re joined by Claire for her birthday choice; Danny Boyle’s apocalyptic vision “28 Days Later”. A film in which Tommy Shelby overcomes a coma-inducing head injury to master parkour and kick the fuck out of a bunch of squaddies; the Ninth Doctor has unsavoury plans for Miss Moneypenny; and Mad Eye Moody comes a cropper with a crow. Along the way we discuss “28 Weeks Later”, Abattoir Fermé’s “Mons...

It’s Lady Jennifer’s birthday choice, and she’s selected none-more-‘90s-sexy-drac-fest “Interview With The Vampire”. A film in which a moody Brad Pitt is forced to stand in a trench; Trigger teaches piano; and a puppet of Tom Cruise gives one of the better performances. Along the way we discuss “Fanny Lye Deliver’d”, “Rick and Morty”, “Undergods”, “The Raven” and the podcasts “Eerie Essex” and “Th...

We turn our attention to 1992 and Bernard Rose’s exquisite reimagining of a Clive Barker short story; “Candyman”. A film in which Ardelia Mapp from The Silence of the Lambs realises all her white friends are trouble; John Connor’s foster dad is still a major piece of shit; and we all get seduced by the deep mellifluous voice of Lieutenant Commander Worf’s little brother. Along the way we discuss “...

Accompanied by Westley from Mos Eisley Happy Hour and As Yet Unexplained, the team visit Headstone Manor for “Bloodbath at the House of Death” - a harrowing account of a real life haunting and multiple murder (well, not really, but if it’s good enough for those bullshit artists The Warrens, it’s good enough for Kenny Everett). A film in which we see a surprisingly faithful homage to that bit in Em...

The Drac is back! Following on from our last episode, we trace the Count to the present day (sort of) with “Dracula A.D. 1972”. A film in which the police are willing to take operational orders from the Grandfather of one of key suspects in a murder case; we see the dangers for a young vampire regarding personal hygiene; and grumpy Christopher Lee refuses to perform most of his dialogue (again). A...

A long time ago on a Podcast in Essex... It’s 2019, Greggs launches it’s Vegan Sausage Roll; Kentucky outlaws bestiality whilst Washington State legalises human composting; and Epstein didn’t kill himself. Our Star Wars watch-through reaches the end of the saga with ”The Rise of Skywalker”. So put on your best Indiana Jones cosplay; sign up to Emperor Palpatine’s Onlyfans; cheer as Withnail shoots...

Stop! Hammer Time! And that means a proper classic as the team enjoys 1958’s “Dracula” (or “Horror of Dracula” in the USA). A film in which we learn that vampires cannot transform themselves into animals, especially on a tight budget; Peter Cushing doesn’t fuck about when using a hammer; and if you can’t say it with flowers - scream it with garlic. Along the way we discuss “In The Earth”, “Army of...

A long time ago on a Podcast in Essex... It’s 2017, Brexit Britain is ravaged by terrorism and Tory negligence; Trump waddles into power; and “La-La Land” wins the Oscar for best picture. Sorry, that should be: “Moonlight” wins the Oscar for best picture. Our Star Wars watch-through tackles probably the most controversial film of the saga as we watch “The Last Jedi”. So stick on your best “not-rea...

It’s Lee’s Birthday choice and he’s picked his favourite of 2020 - Jim Cummings’ second feature “The Wolf of Snow Hollow”. A snowbound comedic thriller in which we learn how not to wake a slumbering policeman in the occult section of the library; that pepper spray makes an ideal First Communion gift; and that Willie Nelson is not doing a lot of serious Police work (but then most of the actual Poli...

A long time ago on a Podcast in Essex... It’s 2015, half the entertainment industry gets put on the sex offenders register; fat bellend Jeremy Clarkson punches his producer (who unfortunately doesn’t punch him back); and there’s a murder conspiracy at Crufts. Our Star Wars watch-through reaches the latest trilogy with “The Force Awakens”. So settle down with a plate of your favourite inflatable br...

It’s aliens on a council estate as we celebrate the 10th anniversary of Joe Cornish’s directorial debut: “Attack The Block”. A film in which we see the local kids celebrate Bonfire Night with “Penny for the Gollum”; Doctor Who gets mugged by a Stormtrooper; and Nick Frost plays against type, by portraying a massive stoner. Along the way we discuss the return of “Inside No.9”, “The Day of the Beast...

A long time ago on a Podcast in Essex... It’s November 2019, and what’s a pandemic? Still at least we’ve got 2020 to look forward to. Our Star Wars watch-through veers sideways to the small screen for series 1 & 2 of “The Mandalorian”. So prepare a suitable libation; pack some pickled eggs for the little ‘uns; thrill as Mr Krabs breathes fire; and... is that Apollo Creed..? • Watch (or more likely...

Prepare for family-friendly carnage as our Hunky Boys sit down to watch Steven Kostanski’s “Psycho Goreman”. A fun-loving family film in which cyborg fascist angels eat cubed humans; the Arch-Duke of Nightmares plays drums on a rip-off of Billy Idol’s “Rebel Yell”; and we learn that nothing in the universe is quite as supremely evil as a 12 year old girl. Along the way we discuss “Spring”, The Wer...

The team are joined by Westley Sith of the Mos Eisley Happy Hour for a thoroughly British nightmare; the 1960 adaptation of John Wyndham’s “The Midwich Cuckoos”, filmed as “Village of the Damned”. A film in which Shere Khan has to contend with a whole village of creepy man-cubs; the local Doctor ponces everyone’s cigarettes; and genial Harry Grout becomes a copper coming a cropper on a bicycle. Al...

A long time ago on a Podcast in Essex... It’s 1983, Microsoft launch Word and McDonalds unleash the McNugget; plumber’s nightmare Dennis Nilsen is arrested and jailed; and Children’s ITV begins. Our Star Wars watch-through concludes the original trilogy with “Return of the Jedi”. So take care not to shut your Rancor in the door; realise that the Empire really can’t get the staff these days; sing a...

Anchors away! The team are joined by the mighty Alex for an aquatic masterpiece - the impeccable “Jaws”. A film that highlights how helpful a wrist strap can be for a marine biologist; demonstrates that a Labrador retriever makes a lovely Amuse-Bouche; and reveals that Lee and Mayor Vaughn share a taste in fashion. Along the way we discuss “Shock Waves”, “Ghost Shark”, “Silent Running”, “Humanoids...

A long time ago on a Podcast in Essex... It’s 1980 (and so 80s it hurts) - Pac Man and the Rubik’s Cube both launch; CNN starts broadcasting; and John Lennon is shot dead. Our Star Wars watch-through reaches probably its zenith with “The Empire Strikes Back” So get ready to watch Luke whacking his Wampa in the snow (dirty boy); realise that Yoda’s probably been on his own too long; witness Mr Bron...

It’s comedy horror time with the swan song of the original Universal Monsters as “Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein”. A film in which the mysterious Dr Lejos looks an awful lot like Dracula in a dressing gown; The Wolf Man gets accused of making nuisance phone calls; and Frankenstein’s Monster almost looses his mind. Along the way we discuss “Demons”, “Guardians of the Galaxy”, “Night Stalker”...

A long time ago on a Podcast in Essex... It’s 1977 - 2000AD launches; Lynyrd Skynyrd die in a plane crash; and no one on this podcast was born yet. Our Star Wars watch-through reaches a milestone with “A New Hope” aka “Star Wars”. So prepare yourself for an episode with a longer running time than the actual film; shut down all the garbage mashers on the Detention Level; have a drink in a really ro...

Once upon a time, 4 intrepid podcasters sat down to watch a very Grimm Tale - director Oz Perkin’s “Gretel & Hansel”. A film in which Jessica Hyde threatens to kill her kids; the Borg Queen comes down with a severe case of black finger; and a cat is either magical, or a Continuity Supervisor’s worst nightmare. Along the way we discuss “Rawhead Rex”;“The Lighthouse”; “February” aka “The Blackcoat’s...

A long time ago on a Podcast in Essex... It’s 2016 - The UK votes for Brexit; The USA votes for Donald J Trump; and a multitude of celebrities die (which was probably a wise decision on their part, considering how everything’s been going since then). Our Star Wars watch-through circles back to the main saga via ”Rogue One - A Star Wars Story”. So prepare yourself for a go on Saw Gerrera’s sticky M...

Having witnessed the original, the team turn to David Cronenberg’s reimagining of “The Fly” from 1986. A film in which an 80s super-sleaze invents the Reaction Video; Jeff Goldblum spunks his finger all over the bathroom mirror; and a baboon makes jam (but definitely not as cute as that sounds). Along the way we discuss “Possessor”, “Matinee”, “St Maud” (again, but it’s so good!), “Sputnik”, “Donn...

A long time ago on a Podcast in Essex... It’s 2018 - a dark time for the Rebellion: music is in its absolute nadir; Donald Trump holds total authority; Russian dissidents are dropping like assassinated flies and Toys ‘R’ Us closes it’s doors for the last time... Our Star Wars watch-through moves sideways into ”Solo - A Star Wars Story”. So clean the mud off your Wookiee; put some hazard tape aroun...

It’s atomic-age horror, with the original 1958 version of “The Fly”! A film in which a cat is dispersed into the ether; a common fly is dipped in Tipp-Ex to secure a starring role; and we see the world’s biggest lawn chair. Along the way we discuss “Saint Maud”, horror games reviewed by YouTuber Daz Black, “Xtro”, “Southland Tales” and the original BBC version of “Quatermass and The Pit”. Watch (o...

A long time ago on a Podcast in Essex... It’s 2005, Pope John Paul II dies; YouTube starts; Doctor Who returns to TV and Prince Harry dresses like a Nazi. Our Star Wars watch-through concludes the prequels with ”Revenge of the Sith”. So get General Grievous some Benylin; demonstrate Jedi stealth by clinging to a noisy chicken lizard; cheer at the sight of a planet full of Wookiees; and groan when...