The Work of Being Human

What if the very system we use to diagnose mental illness has fundamentally misunderstood human suffering? Further... what if they knew? Robert Spitzer, the psychiatrist who led the task force responsible for the DSM-III (the basis for our current system of psychiatric diagnosis), acknowledged a troubling possibility: that psychiatry had classified NORMAL HUMAN REACTIONS as mental disorders. That&...

Everyone's favorite dysfunctional personality type is back: NARCISSISM. But are we actually helping people understand narcissism, or are we teaching them to label, manipulate, and dehumanize people they find difficult? Today, I'm responding to a viral video from a Christian counselor offering a "7-second test" to expose a Christian narcissist. Her advice? Ask a pointed question,...

Most of us don’t like conflict. Some of us are afraid of it. Some of us avoid it because we don’t know how to do it well. And some of us have gotten so good at shutting down that we barely register conflict at all. But avoiding conflict isn’t harmless. Over time, the things we don’t say—the hurt we swallow, the disrespect we ignore, the conversations we refuse to have—do something to us. They chan...

What if the way we think about mental health is actually making things worse? In this episode, I sit down with Dr. Sami Timimi, retired child and adolescent psychiatrist, psychotherapist, author, and longtime critic of the medicalization of human distress. And this conversation goes straight to the foundations. We talk about a question I’ve been asking for years: What happens when we take ordinary...

We’ve heard about toxic masculinity until we’re blue in the face. But what about TOXIC FEMININITY? In this episode, I’m turning the lens toward us women and asking what happens when the very qualities that make femininity powerful become tools for gaining power over other people. I explore the natural flexibility, responsiveness, creativity, and nurturing capacity of the feminine—and how those str...

ADHD isn't a good enough explanation... Paul Drayton was diagnosed with ADHD in 2021. Like many people, receiving the diagnosis brought relief. Experiences and behaviors that had confused him for years suddenly had a name. But does giving something a name explain it? In this conversation, I wanted to try something different. Instead of interpreting Paul through the diagnosis, I wanted to under...

I’m a therapist who 's had enough of therapy culture! One of my biggest pet peeves with it is the way we’ve turned mental health diagnoses into explanations for human beings. Depression. Anxiety. ADHD. Bipolar disorder. Narcissism . We throw these labels around as though they explain *why* someone thinks, feels, and behaves the way they do. They don’t. A diagnosis tells you the WHAT . It does...

It seems like every public controversy eventually divides us into two camps: the people demanding accountability at all costs and the people so focused on suffering that accountability starts to disappear. I call them the Moral Police and the Victim Brigade. But I think both sides are getting something fundamentally wrong. In this episode, I’m looking at the relationship between truth, compassion,...

What does it actually mean to be a strong man? In this episode, I sit down with therapist Trey Tucker of Rugged Counseling to talk about men, masculinity, strength, shame, vulnerability, and the deep need many men have to know that they are valuable—not simply for what they accomplish, provide, or achieve, but for who they are. Trey and I talk about the fear underneath so much male performance: *W...

“My truth.” “Follow your truth.” “I’m just speaking my truth .” We hear these phrases everywhere. But what exactly do we mean by truth —and what happens when we confuse our subjective experience with objective reality? In this episode, I’m breaking down why that distinction matters so much for our mental health and our relationships. Mental health isn’t the absence of pain. It’s our ability to liv...

What does it really mean to be mentally healthy? In this conversation, I sit down with mental health advocate Gabe Howard, of the well-known Inside Mental Health and Inside Bipolar podcasts, to explore one of the biggest questions facing our culture today: How should we understand mental illness? Gabe shares his deeply personal story of being diagnosed with bipolar disorder after waking up in a ps...

A recent Wall Street Journal article about adults cutting off their parents has reignited a conversation that's happening everywhere—in therapy offices, on social media, and around family dinner tables. So when is going no contact the right decision, and when might it actually keep us from growing? In this episode, I explore the difference between abuse, toxicity, hurt, and disappointment—and...

Most people think therapy is about reducing anxiety, managing depression, or learning better coping skills. Those things matter—but they're only the beginning. In this episode, I walk through the four levels of healing that I believe every person should understand. From symptom relief and emotional regulation to personality reorganization and the restoration of personhood, I explain how healin...

Why do some regrets stay with us for years while others seem to fade? Why do guilt and shame continue to shape the way we see ourselves long after the moment has passed? In this episode, I explore why survival often changes us, how the strategies that once protected us can become our identity, and what it actually takes to make peace with our past. Freedom doesn't come from denying what happen...

What if anxiety and depression aren't always the problem—but symptoms of something deeper? In this conversation, I sit down with psychotherapist and founder of The Collective, Courtney Grimes, LCSW, to explore a dimension of healing that our mental health system often overlooks: social health . We talk about why so many people make tremendous progress in therapy, only to "face plant"...

What if better mental health has less to do with controlling life and more to do with encountering reality? After returning from Yellowstone and Grand Teton National Parks, I realized this wasn’t just a vacation—it was an education. The wilderness exposed habits I carry every day: chasing experiences, avoiding fear, relying on quick answers, and comparing reality to expectations. Along the way, na...

You've been to therapy. You've read the books. You've tried to "work on yourself." So why are you still stuck? In this episode of The Work of Being Human , I break down the psychology of healing through a fictional client named "Scott." Together, we'll explore: ✓ Original wounds ✓ Negative belief systems ✓ Coping mechanisms ✓ Defense mechanisms ✓ People pleasing...

What does fifty years of psychotherapy teach you about human nature? In this fascinating conversation, veteran therapist Dr. Jeffrey Smith joins me to explore what really happens in therapy—and why so many people remain stuck despite years of trying to change. We talk about the difference between good therapy and what Dr. Smith jokingly calls "How ya doin' therapy"—the kind of pleasant conversatio...

This episode starts with a simple question: What exactly is a human being? Not what are our symptoms. Not what's our diagnosis. Not what's our attachment style. What are we? The more time I spend in the field of psychology, the more I realize something important: psychology is very good at describing pain. It's somewhat capable of helping people heal. But when it comes to personhood—to...

Trauma is one of the most misunderstood concepts in modern mental health. In this episode, I challenge the idea that every painful experience is trauma and offer a clear, reality-based framework for understanding what trauma actually is, how it changes us, and what genuine healing requires. Drawing parallels between physical injury and psychological injury, we'll explore why trauma is more than pa...

This week I speak with maternal-fetal medicine specialist, Dr. Adam Urato, and unpack a growing cultural phenomenon: the weaponization of empathy. From antidepressants in pregnancy to gender medicine, we explore how emotional appeals are often used to shut down scientific scrutiny and moral dissent. Rather than rationally addressing questions about evidence, risk, and efficacy, critics are accused...

I recently saw a meme posted by a mental health professional and it said, "Every woman has a story about a man who harmed her." It got me thinking... In a culture where contempt toward men is increasingly normalized, even framed as "female empowerment," we have to ask a more honest question: what does that kind of thinking actually do to our mental health? In this episode, we e...

We all know our phones are a problem. But knowing it hasn’t changed it. In this episode, I sit down with Eli Singer, founder of Offline Now, to explore what’s really happening in our relationship with technology—and why most solutions fall short. We move beyond surface-level advice and into the deeper questions: Is the phone the problem, or is it revealing something about us? Where does responsibi...

What if mental health isn’t about managing symptoms—but about facing reality? In this episode, I challenge the dominant narratives of the mental health industry and offer a clear definition: mental health is your ability to live in reality—without denial or deception—and thrive within it. Using a personal story about healing chronic knee pain as a metaphor, I explore and expose the difference betw...

In this episode, I sit down with David Lea, a trauma-informed polarity coach, to explore how childhood experiences shape identity, relationships, and healing. While we find common ground around personal responsibility and the lasting impact of early life, the conversation quickly moves into deeper—and more consequential—territory. David’s framework centers on the idea that all suffering is rooted...