The Semi-Professionals

CHINESE NEW YEAR SPECIAL! (2/2) Is trimming a carnation to look like a rose a stroke of genius for this coming Valentine’s Day? Does the magical realism of a Poké Ball not even stretch far enough to fit Wu Ying’s stepbrother inside? How many blind masseuses in Soho believe they just work in quality control at the cucumber farm? Make sure you wash your hands after you listen Friday.

CHINESE NEW YEAR SPECIAL! (1/2) Should Pu-Yi’s cricket receive SAG rates? Has a game of tennis ever ended worse than having your palace taken away? Is the single exposed breast vogue again? Join us in The Forbidden Poddy on Friday.

Is there a less elaborate way at getting back at your ex than writing a novel? Was it unnecessary for Aaron Taylor Thomas to commit a double homicide in order to get into character? How many ways can you act ‘reading a book’? Bring your tally chart Friday.

Should Lindsay have asked the water-alien on a date before sticking a finger in? Which podcaster will first succumb to High Pressure Nervous Syndrome? Is ‘sweating caused by high blood pressure’ the science behind bad guys always wearing a rag around their forehead? Data’s in on Friday.

Is the real sore point for the audience that they couldn’t ever get a woman that looks like Jane, and Travis did? Why do they make walls outside banks so damn comfy? If Jane acted like a maid in a peep booth, could she ever get legitimate cleaning work after she leaves the whorehouse? Dust off your walking shoes, we’re leaving Friday.

Is ‘a government imprisoning people in their homes in the name of public health with the help of shady power-hungry tech-giants’ another successful Simpsons prediction? Is Simpsons funnier in German… hab keinen kuhmann… anyone… ? What film should Luke’s brother memorise next? Get your submissions in Friday.

How many conspiracy theories will Nick and Matt go through before the show once being listenable becomes a conspiracy theory? Considering Danny called Hallorann r.e. axe wielding manic running amok, could Hallorann have kept his voice down more? Will Bush ever come back in fashion? Political talk, and more, this Friday.

Is it classic German organization to equalize out Santa by creating an ‘anti-Santa’? Should we be surprised that a boy made to wear a bowtie over Christmas has lost faith in Christmas? Is it hard to try and ask funny questions about a film that doesn’t take itself seriously? Listen Friday. Merry Christmas.

Is a tongue kiss appropriate at a coronation? Will retired Gandalf qualify on the points-based immigration system in The Grey Havens? Is Sam carrying Frodo up a mountain less impressive because after weeks of starvation he now weighs 20kg? Part 3 calls for a podcast… And Friday, we’ll answer. Eh. (3/3)

Should Éowyn’s flirtation with Wormtounge make her less attractive to Aragorn? (yes) Does Merry and Pippin hotboxing a storeroom after a massacre make them the most sadistic beings in middle earth? Does Ancient Law dictate Saruman turn off the Palantír when someone takes it to the shitter? Let Friday be the day we draw swords together. (2/3)

Is the local nutter getting hit by a train only ever annoying when it hinders a police investigation? Is singling a man out for wearing women’s lingerie acceptable in 2021? Is actively remembering a murder you were never able to solve asking for an ambiguous ending? Make it to Friday and you’ll find out… ?

Is Alex’s mum overestimating Hugh Jackman’s bodyweight passive aggressive? Is Alex Jones’ goal of opening a veterinary chiropractor practise set up well enough? Does every RV contain a child abductor? For your safety, you better listen Friday and find out.

Did the broken heater in Luke and Nick’s cinema compliment the mise-en-scène? Is Baron Harkonnen’s Atlas Stone world record valid even though he used float-spine? Did anyone else pick up on that weird look between Jess and oediPaul? Tell your dad to listen on Tuesday, please, for the sake of the Merc.

Do our dreams always feature the car journey on the way to the dream? Does being impaled by a microchip really not hurt that much? Is that a cock or ball in Seth’s bathroom cupboard? Explore these and many more questions on this week’s episode.

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