The Opinion Machine???

Darren Had That Haircut First, Ignacio Invented Nachos & You Didn’t Win The Super Bowl Aka: Stop Taking Credit For The Hard Work Of Others.

Is It Brave, Dumb Or Both To Be Your Actual Self On The Internet?, What Is Gained By Anonymous Social Engagement On The Internet? & How Many People Have Given Up Being Real For Fear Of The Outrage Mob? Aka: Why Does Anyone Ever Engage With An Internet Stranger?

Camp Costume Party For The Presidents Club, Giving Big Important Speeches From The Tile Department At Home Depot, Voting Money Right Out Of Your Pocket Aka: The Food Court At The Mall Serves You Better Than This Wacky Bunch

Who Is Her Master, What Does She Fear & How Does She Feel About Gender, God & Local Eating Establishments. Aka: Interviewing A Robot Is Harder Than Waterboarding A C.I.A./K.G.B. Double Agent

Filtering Lies Thru Vulnerable Children, Being A Teenager Already Sucks Balls & The Last Thing A Kid Needs Is To Believe The World Will End Before They Find Love Aka: How Much More Evidence Do You Need That Public Education Is Child Abuse?

When Does It Become Religion?, Does It Ever Require Faith?, & What Does It Mean To Be A Scientist? Aka: Saint Greta & Her Faithful Believers Don’t Seem Much Interested In Your Scrutiny.

Controls, Zones, Food, & Bed Sores Aka: There Is No Comfort Without Discomfort & I Am Totally Comfortable With That.

Why Is It So Terrible, Why Does It Kill Turtles & Why Does Everyone I Hate Love It So Much? Aka: It’s Probably Not The Plastic You Hate, It’s The Human Beings.

Of Government, God, Guns, Mother Nature, & That Big Old Grizzly Bear Picking Through Your Garbage Aka: Consider Sending Fear A Christmas Card This Year

Fake LoLing The People You Hate, Being Dismissive With Phony Hahahas & Creating Future Super Villains With Your Fraudulent Guffaws Aka: Mockery is An Effective Tool For Lazy Folks To Create A False Sense Of Superiority & An Unbearable Loose Knit Community Of Assholes.

A Teaching Moment For Little Justin Trudeau, Finding Friends Through Mutual Offense & A Birthmarked Boy Named Enwerd Aka: Hurt Feelings Make Good Friends & Great Art.

We Need To Talk About It, Nobody Ever Talks About It Except Everybody Constantly Talking About It & That’s Why We Really Need To Talk About It. Aka: “Ginger” is An Anagram of The N-Word But It’s Still Totally Fine To Say It Because Gingers Can Handle Pain Even Though Their Pain Threshold Is Literally Lower.

So Are Your Memories, Your Favorite Stories & Almost Everything You’ve Ever Read Aka: The Good News Is That You Are Billions Of Years Old & Smarter & Dumber Than You Think.

The Marketing Of Self, The Lie That Is Photography & The Creation & Highlighting of Emptiness. Aka: FOMO is Mostly a Direct Result of False Advertising.

Believing Women, Taking Responsibility & Minimizing Burden In The Name Of Efficiency & Baseline Morality Aka: Blaming The Victim In The Mirror Might Be The Fastest Road To Self Empowerment, Taboo Or Not.

Rick Ocasek Bought Me A Salad, David Bowie Enjoying My Breeze, Robin Williams Aping My Steeze & Getting CockBlocked From Hanging Out With Prince. Aka: Dead People Don’t Talk Back.

How Love Drugs & Neuroscience Caused Him To Rain Hate On Islam, Christianity, Judaism & Pretend To Rain Hate On Donald Trump. Aka: Life on A Farm Ain’t Nearly As Prestigious As Being An Unaccountable Hollywood Boy Getting Maligned By Ben Affleck On A Cool TV Show.

The Mexican, The Fargo Mom, The Fake Mexican, The Whitest Black Guy, The Asian Tech Bro, The Gay Mayor, The Black/Indian Lady Cop, The Cantankerous Old Jew, The Native American White Lady & The Senile Old Geezer. Aka: The Village People All Stars.

Bacon & Ayggs, Adam & Steve, & Accidentally Skipping Over The Letter “J”. Aka: Independence Is Forbidden

The Two William Crockers, Taxes & My Body My Choice Aka: Do You Own Stuff Or Does Stuff Own You?

Watching The Whole Thing Live, 9-11 Conspiracy Theories & Cowards Bending The Knee To Islam Aka: Lots Of Things To Never Forget.

The Gay Jewish Nazi Married To A Black Man, What Happens When The Mob Maligns You & Not Being Surprised When The Person You Treat As A Monster Starts Behaving Like One Aka: The Tree Of Cruelty Does Not Bear Good Fruit.

Gangs Of Seagulls, The Crow Mafia & A Suicidal Crab Named Scott Aka: The Only Difference Between Being A Superhero & Having A Feast Of Fresh Crab Is The Availability Of A Bucket.

Eggshelling, Peter Panning, & Navigating The Wrath Of San Francisco’s Most Party Loving Smurfs Aka: Acknowledging Whole Human Beings Might Be Better Than Fixating On A Persons Politcs.

#62 Swearing Opposable Thumbs, Middle Fingers & Flippin’ Fetchin’ Fiddlesticks Aka: I Swear, You Have My Word, There Are Good, Honest Reasons To Use Swear Words.