Surviving Narcissism with Dr. Les Carter

Inevitably, when you have ongoing interactions with a narcissist, you learn that these individuals do not operate with positive intentions toward you.  So should you fear the narcissist?  Dr. Les Carter answers, yes and no.  You should have a healthy fear that prompts you to use realistic care and caution.  But, then he explains that they too harbor much fear, and it comes from...

Narcissism is identified by selfishness, the need for control, a feeling of superiority, a lack of empathy, and manipulative behaviors.  So, as you attempt to understand it fully, you may wonder if it means that person is given over to evil intentions.  Dr. C explains how there is a great overlap between narcissism and evil, and gives a thorough working understanding of this quality so y...

On the far end of the narcissistic spectrum is the Malignant Narcissist.  These people have the traits we know to be common among narcissists, but in exaggerated extremes.  Dr. Les Carter breaks down this pattern of life so you can know how they think and what motivates them.  The more you understand their internal troubles, the better you can make assertive adjustments on your side...

At its best, the desire to be in control can lead to qualities like reliability, responsibility, organization, and completion of tasks. But when narcissists attempt to be in control, their self-absorption and entitlement leads them into all sorts of less-than-desirable behaviors and attitudes. Dr. C teaches you how to know when a narcissist is in high control mode, and most importantly, what it re...

In any ongoing relationship, tensions and frustrations can arise, creating emotions of anger or perplexion. Passive-aggressive narcissists have decided that openly addressing those tensions can create more problems that it solves, so they become stealth. Dr. Les Carter discusses the rationale used by these individuals and offers ways to respond, even when that person stays stuck inside their dysfu...

Adrian Terry is an executive with GM Finance who is locked in on the concept of transformational leadership, which emphasizes building significance in others as a means of addressing team objectives.  He compares the many traits of the narcissistic leader to the healthier counterparts, and shares his insights about leadership being part of a broader worldview that include all people at the ta...

Knowing how difficult it can be to identify covert narcissists, Dr. Les Carter addresses how necessary it is to identify how they operate. Their favorite tactic is gaslighting, meaning they proactively try to generate confusion within you about your interpretations, priorities, and preferences. As you see their gaslighting for what it is, it highlights the necessity of listening to yourself. Cover...

In the ongoing effort to describe covert narcissism, Dr. C interviews Dr. George Simon about his book, In Sheep's Clothing.  They break down what to watch for as you discern how to identify covert narcissists.  Dr. Simon discusses the origins of this pattern and how to respond to it wisely.  Drawing upon decades of research as well as his work as a therapist, Dr. Simon is a treasure...

The mark of a healthy relationship is openness and honesty, but those are traits that narcissists dread. Due to their need for tight image control, they cannot be vulnerable. In this episode, Dr. C poses multiple questions he wishes he could ask narcissists to remind them of their own influences, and how their lack of vulnerability was created. He then highlights primary traits that accompany a re...

While narcissists can be openly abusive, especially in episodes of conflict, there are many ways that they will abuse you silently. Dr. Les Carter discusses this pattern with author and therapist, Shannon Thomas, whose book Healing From Hidden Abuse highlights ways to protect yourself from the narcissist's schemes. Thank you to BetterHelp for sponsoring this episode. Take charge of your mental hea...

Dr. C interviews psychotherapist and author, Ross Rosenberg, regarding his work with people struggling with Self-Love Deficit Disorder and how they become magnets for narcissists.  Ross describes the treatment he refers to as the "Of Course" method, explaining the necessity of developing a keen awareness of your own subconscious motivations as well as those of the narcissist. Thank you to Bet...

Narcissists are notorious for their immature management of anger, and as a byproduct of their dysregulation, you might be pulled into their dysfunction.  Dr. Les Carter explains that the management of anger is a clear way of separating narcissists from healthy people, so he challenges you to stay on the course toward maturity even when narcissists don't.  In this episode he offers a clea...

Covert narcissists have a special way of bonding with you that can feel normal...at first.  They are masters of deception in the sense that they can create initial positive impressions, even as they slowly diminish you. Dr. Les Carter gives you a clear description of trauma bonding, and weaves it into an explanation of the distinct ways covert narcissists operate.  You can learn to detec...

When you have an ongoing relationship with a person who is persistently narcissistic, it is only natural that you'd want to confront that individual with the hope that healthy adjustments can be made.  But instead of engaging in a constructive conversation, narcissists will predictably double down on their dysfunction and will refuse to receive input.  In this episode, Dr. Les Carter ide...

Narcissists do not always show the full extent of their pathology in the early stages of a relationship.  They can seem pleasant, easy-going, supportive, and receptive...at least for a while.  But as you remain with that person, certain trends begin to emerge, leaving you to wonder about the viability of the relationship.  Narcissists are known for not having good self-awareness or...

In this episode, Dr. C is joined by Dr. David Hawkins of Seattle, Washington, who discusses his work with men and women trying to heal from narcissistic abuse. Dr. Hawkins gives his seasoned opinions about what is necessary for the narcissist to change and how the partner can also find hope. He zeroes in specifically on 3 primary components of the narcissistic pattern that have to change. This int...

A few months ago, Dr. C asked his YouTube followers to send in comments about how they had learned to heal from narcissistic abuse.  He was overwhelmed with many reflections of wisdom and sage advice.  In today's episode he shares some of the most poignant comments that he received.  Keep in mind that these nuggets of insight are from people just like you...those who have felt hurt,...

After repeated exposures to exploitative, manipulative narcissists, a person can experience identity confusion and emotional turmoil.  Dr. Les Carter has an enlightening discussion about this problem with clinical psychologist, Dr. Ingrid Clayton.   Drawing from her new memoir, Believing Me: Healing From Narcissistic Abuse and Complex Trauma , she explains the common trauma responses of...

A natural byproduct of the narcissistic pattern is the perpetual struggle with anger.  Dr. Les Carter breaks down the ingredients of narcissism, showing you how they are easily predisposed to emotional dysregulation.  Then he describes six different elements at play that keeps the narcissist stuck in a dysfunctional rut.  All the while, you will be blamed for their tense state of mi...

Wouldn't it be nice if life could be reduced to a fixed formula that offers simple, ready solutions to any situation? That's the kind of thinking narcissists bring to their relationships. Being naturally self-absorbed, entitled, controlling, and exploitive, they want you to know how things ought to be according to their agenda, and there will be a price to pay if you do not conform. Dr. Les Carter...

For millennia people have been trying to make sense of humanity's plight, often distilling their thoughts into stories. Virtually every major religion has a story about the origins of human struggle, whether it be the Jewish, Islamic, or Christian traditions. Likewise Hinduism, Buddhism, and many indigenous peoples have their stories. Since the characters, Adam and Eve, are so well known in Wester...

Dr. Les Carter interviews noted family law attorney, Rebecca Zung, who discusses her approach to negotiations with a narcissist. Using what she refers to as the SLAY method of negotiation, her primary emphasis is to teach the one leaving a narcissist to find inner strength, making decisions based on insight into the narcissistic pattern and belief in oneself. Her ultimate goal is to guide individu...

In this episode, Dr. Les Carter highlights two of the most common aspects of narcissism:  control and manipulation. Narcissists actually believe you should filter your way of life through them. So, when you act, think, or prioritize differently, they are not bashful about bringing you under their controlling agenda. And true to their nature, they will use all sorts of gaslighting tactics to a...

For healthy personality development, is essential for children to have a home that emphasizes trust and empathy.  Unfortunately, in homes dominated by a narcissistic parent, that is a lost luxury.  Dr. Les Carter is joined by Julie L. Hall, author of the book, The Narcissist In Your Life.  Drawing from her own personal journey, Julie describes how kids are impacted by a narcissistic...

How often has a seemingly simple disagreement with a narcissist turned into a big production?  Narcissists are known for out-of-proportion anger in response to circumstances that could otherwise be managed cleanly.  Dr. Les Carter describes the phenomenon called "narcissistic injury."  Narcissists carry a great deal of emotional pain inside, but because they are committed to maintai...