Spencetology

Look, man, Halloween requires a ton of work, right? You have to use your brain to find the right costume and coordinate your Halloween route with your friends. And then, there’s the walking. Lots of walking. Way too much walking Get a whole pillowcase full of Halloween comedy here. This year, let’s simplify Halloween. We’ll get you all the candy without all the work with Uber Tre...

Say what you will about 45-47, from the moment he decided to run for president, he has offered up a megaton of comedic fodder. Every statement, every speech has been littered with lies, deceit, and frankly, a whole bunch of shit to make fun of. Sometimes, the jokes weren’t provided by Donnie, but from his willing acolytes and sycophants. This page is dedicated to the Mango Mussolini, the Tan...

Are the weather people screwing with us? I’ve lived more than a few decades, and I’ve only recently heard terms like: Polar Vortex, Atmospheric River, and Bomb Cyclone. Sure, you’re getting a $5,000 check. “After the Midterms.” El Niño, not so much. I guess the term to describe a warm Pacific Ocean currents dates back to the 1600s. This ain’t a science site, so...

You see that one over there? That used to be a JCPenney. How about that one? Do you remember Rite-Aid? Now, it’s another Spirit Halloween. Click for more Halloween tricks and treats. It’s that time of year for North America’s largest seasonal retailer to occupy vacant retail stores and fill them to the rafters with anything and everything Halloween. The brand was founded in 1983...

The online subculture “Looksmaxxing” seemingly has peaked with a rape charge against its poster boy, Clavicular. What hasn’t quite died off yet is the use of the “-maxxing” suffix to describe anything extreme. I’m happy to help by renaming what used to be called climate change as “Climatemaxxing.” You’re welcome. My salute to $7 diesel with &#8...

In the movie The Hangover, Alan (Zach Galifianakis) and Phil (Bradley Cooper) discuss the legality of counting cards while gambling in Vegas. Alan Garner: “It’s not illegal. It’s frowned upon, like masturbating on an airplane.”Phil Wenneck: “I’m pretty sure that’s illegal too.”Alan Garner: “Yeah, maybe after 9/11, where everybody got so sensiti...

Dancing with the Stars has the costumes, the choreography, and a dance floor full of people you might have heard of before, but not necessarily. $5k for your vote? The check’s in the mail…After the Midterms. Hear the song. Dancing with the Regular People a bit different. Same dance floor. A completely different reality. Dancers who are famous for their wedding reception moves, office h...

Why not? Right? Everything on today’s grocery shelves now comes with a “protein’ version. Oreos, Pop Tarts, even sparkling water packs extra protein. $5,000 if you vote a certain way? Sure, the check’s in the mail…after the midterms. Hear the song. ABC News chief medical correspondent and cardiologist Dr. Tara Narula credits the protein trend to the GLP-1 medications,...

There are many amazing uses for duct tape. Treehugger.com posted a list of 18 clever uses for the cloth based tape designed in the 1940’s by Johnson & Johnson. Is the new Days of Thunder sequel titled, “Days of Bladder?” Hear the trailer. Included on the list: Fix a leaky boat, craft some emergency flip flops, affix younger brother to a tree. All worthy applications. Now, tha...

Recently, I have read numerous reports detailing how Gen Z is turning its back on alcohol. Losers! Panicked about your fantasy football picks? There’s a crisis hotline for you. I’m kidding, of course. It does bring up the question, though: “What exactly are you doing during an extended weekend?” Wild horses sent to slaughter. The president suddenly finds cheap foreign meat....

Real quick. Did we not just do an old-guy car-racing movie? Yeah, yeah, I know that was Brad Pitt and F1, and this is Tom Cruise and NASCAR. But, I’ll ask again. Did we not just do an old-guy car-racing movie? Coming Summer of 2028: Days of Thunder 2 starring Cruise and Anne Hathaway. Didn’t get her number, but you got her license plate? Find romance again, and again, with PlateMate. I...

I’ve said this more than a few times. You want me in your fantasy football league. Why? Right around week three, I cease to give one, let alone two, fucks. Did your steak used to say, “Moo,” or “Nay?” Here’s a parody of the Stones’ “Wild Horses.” That being said, I still want to win. It’s why, like most fantasy football players, I stress...

Unlike his failed attempt to plaster his name on the Kennedy Center in Washington D.C., President Trump has successfully branded a Florida airport. Learn more about a White House White Trash Summer Officially, today Palm Beach International Airport becomes Donald J. Trump International Airport. One might ask themselves, besides the name change, what other services and features may accompany such a...

Who doesn’t love a neighborhood fireworks show? On the 4th of July…preferably before 10pm. To be clear, on the 4th, not the 1st or the 8th…the 4th. Are you a Firework Firejerk? Sadly, in every sub-division of every town across this gredat land of ours, there’s that one guy. The guy who just can’t stop celebrating America’s independence. It is the official song o...

Listen, I don’t want to spend one minute at a barbecue, arguing with my date as to whether a hot dog is a sandwich. See the Independence Day classic, “Firework Firejerk.” This 4th of July weekend, you can find the perfect “cookout companion” on Tendr. It’s the new dating app where you can “Match your meat and meet your match.” What happened to the Li...

Not since the days of gladiators battling for their lives in the Roman Colosseum has there been a combination of brutality, politics, and sport – sponsored by Monster Energy. If the Rolling Stones Wrote a Song About “Algae,” it Might Sound Like This No grand arches or pillars, just a makeshift arena of plastic, metal, and vinyl plopped down on the front lawn of the White House. S...

Every four years, America sets aside its irrational dislike of “the beautiful game” and embraces football, or soccer. Hear the Official Song of the Reflecting Pool – “Algae.” This year, though, there’s a little extra frosting on this football, er, soccer cake. The World Cup is being hosted in North America – games played all across the United States. Seatt...

A wise man once wrote, “No more pencils. No more books. No more teachers’ dirty looks.” This statement encompasses summer vacation. Hear a Kid’s take on Mother’s Day. Two and half months of freedom. Freedom from backpacks. Freedom from PB&Js. Freedom endless nagging about homework. (Understanding, of course, nagging is transferrable.) Create content for gas money....