Respectful Parenting: Janet Lansbury Unruffled

At the heart of Janet's parenting approach is respectful, honest communication between us and our kids beginning in infancy—which means observing and listening to kids at least as much as we talk to them. It also means walking through our own fears to accept our child's most uncomfortable feelings and broach difficult conversations. In this episode, Janet shares a parent's story about their child'...

No matter how we approach raising our children, there are times we'll feel physically, mentally, or emotionally exhausted. Maybe all of the above. We’re only human, of course, but it may also be that we're taking on more than we need to --- depleting our energy with roles and tasks that are better left to our child. In this encore episode, Janet offers ideas for lightening our workload by recogniz...

It's common for young children to go through phases of unwarranted aggression, usually directed at the ones they love most. Janet has noted that these phases are as uncomfortable for our children as it they are for us, and probably even more so. In this episode, she responds to two parents of kids who are behaving erratically and lashing out at their siblings. Both families have attempted to addre...

You've no doubt heard by now about the countless benefits of our children's self-directed play. Less understood is how to nurture this invaluable instinct in our babies—every child has it. With our good intentions, though, we sometimes get in the way of play. Perhaps we intervene and unnecessarily interrupt our children's process. Or, as our kids get older, we let structured activities and excursi...

We all hope to raise polite, well-behaved kids who follow rules and comply with requests, assuming these are fair, just, and appropriate. We want our kids to not only respect us but other authority figures in their lives. Yet, many of us shy away from the term "obedience," because it connotes using discipline methods that are overly strict, harsh, and authoritarian. It doesn't need to be that way....

The root causes for our children's behaviors—especially the behaviors that most alarm and confuse us—are often confusing and complex. Sometimes, try as we might to understand and even reason with our child, the behavior only gets worse. But these behaviors may be simpler to address than we might imagine. All we need to do is recognize the intense focus that we are bringing to these behaviors and w...

As parents, we're naturally protective of our kids' feelings and sensibilities, but as they mature and venture out socially, it's also our job to give them the tools they need to thrive in a variety of settings and with people who have differing views and engagement styles. Our kids need to learn to respect and adapt to every person's boundaries—not just ours, but those of their peers, teachers, c...

Transitions tend to be difficult for young children, and they express their struggles in a variety of concerning ways. They may be focused to distraction on particular random-seeming anxieties and fears. Worse, they take their feelings out on us by being uncooperative or lashing out in violent meltdowns. Two families reach out to Janet with these issues, and she proposes a three-step approach to h...

The parent of a 7-year-old describes writes that her daughter has become relentlessly negative and argumentative. "It feels like everything is a debate, and she says no to almost every request." As one of Janet's longtime followers, she knows not to take the behavior personally, tries to maintain a light attitude, but she often finds herself lecturing and sometimes completely losing her cool. She...

It's unnerving when our kids engage in conflict with siblings or peers, whether it's over a toy, their perceived 'space', or even our attentions. As emotions escalate, so does grabbing, pushing, and sometimes hitting. No parent wants to witness this, and our instinct tends to be to try to manage the situation by separating the warring factions, comforting hurts and disappointments, figuring out al...

Janet welcomes a timely visit from iconic educator Mr. Chazz who shares how parents and teachers can help kids successfully transition to a new preschool or childcare situation. His focus is on trust and maintaining the sense of connection that supports parents and kids to separate with confidence.  Janet's "No Bad Kids" Master Course is at nobadkidscourse.com. Please support our sponsors. Learn m...

A parent describes her 4-year-old son as energetic, independent and strong-willed. While she appreciates her son’s enthusiasm and free spirit, she constantly struggles to reign him in and finds herself yelling, "You're not listening!" As an example, she says they often take nature walks with friends, and he inevitably runs ahead at an unsafe distance. She feels overwhelmed, especially when they ar...

The practice of acknowledging our children's feelings and struggles can provide healing, calming messages of safety and acceptance. With a genuine tone and a few words, our acknowledgments can help children share pent-up emotions, feel seen and heard, and gradually regulate, which in turn eases problematic behaviors. However, parents commonly share with Janet that validating feelings doesn't work...

Janet responds to 3 messages from listeners who say their kids exhibit aggressive or violent behavior towards their peers, in one case "pushing, hitting, or attacking faces, sometimes without warning." While all these parents recognize that fatigue and other discomforts can contribute to this behavior, it often seems that their kids lash out for no reason at all. These parents have come to distrus...

In a previous "Unruffled" episode, Janet offered advice to a parent who was struggling with potty training. That parent wrote back recently to announce her daughter's 4-year saga had finally come to a successful conclusion... it was NOT the result of the parents following Janet's advice, but going full speed ahead in the opposite direction. In this episode, Janet revisits the guidance she original...

In this popular encore episode, a parent writes that she’s overwhelmed by her two girls constantly demanding her attention, following her around their home and calling “Mommy! Mommy!” even if they are in the same room. “It’s driving me mad,” she writes. “It’s like a dripping tap. It is getting to the point where I just want to scream.” This mom notices that the girls don’t have this dynamic with t...

Janet is joined by Grace Lautman, a therapist and nutritionist who focuses on eating disorders, the conditions that can create and aggravate them, and how eating — or not eating — can be a symptom of mental health issues. She writes: "My hope has always been to provide accepting spaces for all individuals and bodies to explore and honor their relationships with food, body, and self." Janet and Gra...

We all want our kids to enjoy thriving friendships, to feel appreciated by supportive peers. But that's not always case, and it can be heartbreaking to see the hurt, disappointment, and confusion our child feels when — for whatever reason —friends aren't treating them as they should. How do we support our kids' to navigate this? How much should we intervene? And what might intervening look like? J...

RIE expert Hari Grebler joins Janet to discuss her respectful and surprisingly simple ideas for helping our babies to sleep. Hari's positive approach begins with babies and applies to toddlers as well, ultimately building a foundation that serves our needs and those of our children throughout their lives. Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at NoBadKidsCourse.com. Please support our s...

3 families reach out to Janet and ask, "How do I say it?" Listen to find out more! Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at NoBadKidsCourse.com. Please support our sponsors. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

"I'm annoying, bad, stupid, not good at anything. I hate myself." It can be disconcerting to hear our kids say such unkind things about themselves, using harsh words that we've made a point not to use with them. Is this perfectionism? Low self-esteem? Passing feelings of vulnerability? What can we do to encourage our kids to stop bagging on themselves like this? How can we build up their self-imag...

Janet responds to three parents who are worried that their kids seem overly anxious and sensitive in social situations. Each parent has tried to be patient and trusting, but they wonder if their child's temperament may be abnormal, especially when compared to their peers. Aside from frustration and concern, one parent says: "I'm so lost... Sometimes I feel shame — not about him — but because I wan...

Effective discipline can be confusing! It can feel like we're working so hard to be caring, empathetic, and patient with our kids—and not lose our temper—yet still, the challenging behaviors keep happening. And then when we try to set boundaries, our child has a meltdown that seems to last forever. What are we doing wrong? In this episode of "Unruffled" Janet explores three common reasons our atte...

This week Janet consults with the single mother of a 2.5-year-old who's concerned about how she's handling her daughter's behaviors. She describes her toddler as strong-willed, smart, intuitive, loving, sweet, and caring, but when she doesn't get what she wants, she loses it, throwing things, hitting, and screaming. This parent realizes that her daughter's behavior is developmentally normal and ma...

Bossiness. Toy taking. Unkind words. Hitting. Behaviors like these are particularly common between siblings but can happen with peers as well, and they're frustrating and disturbing for us to witness. How to we address them? Separate the warring factions? Issue a mandate? Negotiate a settlement? Perhaps just let it play out? In this episode, a parent writes that her four-year-old loves his 2.5-yea...