Parenting The Adlerian Way

Alex Kopelman’s book focuses on how our children are born with an authentic self that gets socialized out of them. Through messages they hear from parents, classrooms, culture and beyond, children start to hide parts of themselves as a way to belong and survive. However, Alex also states that the change needs to begin with parents, or at least in a parallel process of dropping many of the “oughts...

Meet Jeff Hittner! He is an executive coach and leadership expert working with CEOs and Fortune 500 companies on three continents. His journey into fatherhood made him change his definition of being a dad. He also made a conscious decision to use his team-building and leadership skills in his parenting approaches so he could be the best version of himself as a father. Now he has founded “Ambitious...

Q1. My 4 year old is trapping people with his legs and being a barnacle on my leg.   Q2. My daughter is playing me against my ex-wife in asking for money and I feel played. Q3. Should I use phone tracking for my daughter who is in first year uni? ********** Do you have a parenting question for me? Send it to hello@alysonschafer.com and I’ll answer (anonymously) on an upcoming Q&A pod...

If you are raising boys, you need to listen to this episode. Dr Leonard Sax and I discuss the new content added to the latest edition of his book “Boys Adrift”. We discussed why boys fall behind their sisters in school and what parents and teachers can do about it. I also learned about the very real and scary reality of endocrine disruptors and how male testosterone levels are dropping which impac...

We all know connection is the basis of a relationship but what does it mean and how do we get it? Listen in! Valerie learned Adlerian parenting from me, and I learned about the Enneagram from her. She brings both together in order to gain a deeper understanding of what it means to really connect with our children, and she discusses her formula “Presence + Self Awareness + Self Compassion = Connect...

Are you familiar with Human Design? Kelly Flood, Parent Coach, joins me to explain what Human Design is and how it can help you as a parent. This field of study involves understanding people by knowing their unique energy blueprint. She explains that this level of understanding is not simply about putting people into typologies, although there are energetic styles to consider when looking at human...

Q1. 14 year old won’t shower – what to do?   Q2. Kids already complaining they are bored this summer, and it’s only 3 weeks into the break! Q3. 6 year old won’t get in the water for swim lessons. ********** Do you have a parenting question for me? Send it to hello@alysonschafer.com and I’ll answer (anonymously) on an upcoming Q&A podcast. Check out more free parenting advice on my bl...

With his signature humour and relatable storytelling, Dr Dan Dalton discusses the important concepts of winning a child’s cooperation rather than forcing their obedience. He reminds us of psychologists Alfred Adler’s and Rudolf Dreikurs’ major concerns for social equality in all human relations, including children. We also discuss how the counselling tool of asking parents to review a day in the l...

“Breaking the Boy Code” is Dr Katie Hurley’s latest book, following the success of the award-winning “No More Mean Girls”.  In this episode, Katie discusses how boys are socialized into a narrow description of manhood that is detrimental to their well-being. While that issue is not new – the “man-o-sphere” has created a world of social influencers who insidiously influence our young sons push...

Q1. Teen daughter home from uni assumes she can just take my car anytime.   Q2. 4 year old daughter is stealing and lying.   Q3. When should you start allowance?   ********** Do you have a parenting question for me? Send it to hello@alysonschafer.com and I’ll answer (anonymously) on an upcoming Q&A podcast. Check out more free parenting advice on my blog at www.al...

Margot Denomme is my guest on this episode, and she brings her 26 years of experience as a Crown Attorney where she saw first-hand how low self-esteem and social media can harm children, leading to mental health issues, bullying and legal troubles.   She discusses the importance of parents’ taking collective action to bring about the changes needed to protect our vulnerable children. She...

Do you worry about your child’s weight and wonder if you are doing the right thing in how you encourage them to eat better and exercise more? Turns out sometimes so-called helpful prompts are not helpful. In fact, they could make matters worse. But what is a parent to do? Watch will their kiddo eats a bag of chips while gaming the day away?  I had the privilege of discussing the book, “Your C...

Dr Will Dobud’s book, “Kids These Days”, shines the light on how the emphasis on youth mental health has paradoxically resulted in more pathologizing, more labelling, more medication and more institutionalizing of young people – all while rates of youth mental health skyrocket.  Something is not right. He argues that our systems don’t support human flourishing and in fact create harm in youth...

Q1. How hard can I push my kiddo to go back to camp? Q2. 17yr old wants to spend most of her savings on a bday gift for her new boyfriend  Q3. 3yr old doesn’t play with other kids at daycare. Is he lonely? Q4. How to start family meetings with a 3 and a 4yr old?  (You can find my Family Meeting Playlist on YouTube Here . Do you have a parenting question for me? Send it to hello@alysonsch...

Sophia Galano has been providing therapy to teens and their families since 2015. In this episode, we discussed her book “Calming Teenage Anxiety: A Parent’s Guide to Helping Your Teenager Cope with Worry”. Sophia helps unpack the Gen Z anxiety effect, and how parents can find the messy middle between supporting but not enabling their anxious teen. Sophia is a big believer in helping youth develop...

We assume when our teens start dating, they are going to pick good partners and be in good relationships, but wow – sometimes that is not the case! In this eye-opening conversation with the leading research experts from the University of Calgary who have developed an education texting-based tool for parents, we talk about the definition of relationship violence, the role of parents as a protective...

Marjie Longshore and Paige Trevor are seasoned parent educators. Part of their curriculum is teaching the importance of holding regular family meetings. They also recognize that while parents are keen on the idea of family meetings, they also tend to give up quickly on this importance practice, for a variety of reasons. With research into the problems of consistency and compliance, and the ingenui...

Ted Page is on a journey to discover how to be a wonderful grandparent and help his grandchildren become The New Greatest Generation. We discuss some of the insights he learned after interviewing grandfathers from diverse backgrounds – everyone from John Cleese and Tom Brokaw, to veterans, rabbis, Imams and grandpas across cultures and socio-economic backgrounds. He heard and recorded their storie...

Q1. 13yr old son doesn’t open up and share his feelings anymore. Q2. Divorcing parents looking for best shared custody plan for kids.  Q3. How to wean a 3yr old off his pacifier.   ********** Do you have a parenting question for me? Send it to hello@alysonschafer.com and I’ll answer (anonymously) on an upcoming Q&A podcast. Check out more free parenting advice on my blog at www....

Master Celtic fiddler from Cape Breton, Nova Scotia, Natalie MacMaster, has received the Order of Canada and played with such greats as Yo-Yo Ma, Alison Krauss, The Boston Pops, The Chieftains and many more. Her rise to fame happened while she was navigating both a demanding career of a musician performing on the road and raising 7 children. If anyone knows about balance of career and family, it’s...

Amber Mac has been following the progress and proliferation of AI since it came onto the tech scene. Amber brings us up to speed on what AI is, the many places where you may not realize it is at work in the background, and how tech corporations are using our children as their test market for building algorithms. While there are many positives to AI that can benefit our children, Amber also of...

Are you a perfectionist? Are you worried your child might be too? In this episode, I chat with two fellow Adlerian counsellors who have co-authored a book to help. We discussed the definition of perfectionism, why it originates, some of the various signs you might watch for, as well as the impacts perfectionism has.  You can purchase their book, “Living Well With Perfectionism” here . And, he...

Leslie and I discuss the new parenting challenge of how to best manage our children as AI becomes a part of everybody’s life – adults and children included. We discuss mitigating risk while helping our children get the benefits of AI. Leslie also discusses the dangerous downsides of AI companionships, AI and homework, as well as offering up some tools and strategies to help parents keep their kids...

Q1. 6yr old son enjoys showing others his strength and prowess but that can suddenly turn and look like aggression.  Q2. Potty training a boy who refuses to poop in either diaper or potty and wants to touch his stool as he is passing it.  Q3. My two children live in a trilingual home, and I want to ensure my ethnic language is taught to my children, but my eldest is giving me push back a...

This is a must-listen episode if you are a working parent. I spoke with Bree Groff, the author of the book “Today Was Fun: A Book About Work (Seriously)”. Her mission is to illuminate the need for parents to model a positive attitude about being a working parent and the role work has in our life because our children are watching very closely. She reminds us that “when you overwork, your kids pay t...