My Buddy Buzz

Peggy’s got a full-size summer sausage lodged in her toilet, a little boy’s pouch is being sold as a goldfish at PetSmart, and Buzz found frozen in the snow after slipping on a banana peel during sausage dancing with hookers.

Buzz gets an inked picture on his lower left buttock while Johnny’s Ice Cream raises money for “little boys who have lost their pouches,” and Biblo loses both his head and nose in a Star Wars–related domestic incident.

They’re celebrating his one-year anniversary of not chewing bubble gum by taking him sausage dancing at Applebee’s, while he deals with an exposed “outer strudel lining” that needs sunlight and a little emotional support.

He wakes up “laying erect,” reflects on his web-design journey through JavaScript 5 and CSS4, and has him spit out phrases for translation before planning trips to Roadhouse Burgerio and Tacos, Tacos, Tacos.

He attempts to start an educational marmalade segment while Buzz is in the bathroom “pushing one out,” eventually returning only to run off again mid-episode. Plans for board-game night, Peggy’s extreme-sexual gathering, and Carol’s birthday dinner round out the chaos.

He recaps an absolute mess of a night where Buzz gets his weed whacker jammed in Marla’s caravan door, chafes his scrotum playing miniature golf, and now has to keep his “milk rod” on ice while they record jingles and hunt for cheap coffee.

Nelly blasts her bagina open climbing a dog fence, and they’ll be organizing prayer services and posting Facebook photos to raise money. Buzz lands back in the hospital getting his pouch reattached.

Buzz is back in the hospital after a tractor stunt pops his scrotum off, he’s organizing fundraisers for a “double bypass” reattachment, and meanwhile Peggy is scheduled to have her vagina removed on Friday—all delivered in the gentlest and most heartfelt voicemail ever delivered in the South. A couple of prayers for Buzz and Peggy, please? 🙏

A late-night worry spiral leads the narrator to fear he’s contracted something serious—only for doctors to diagnose a single pimple. Meanwhile, Buzz shares his thoughts on “general herpes,” the trio heads to the hospital, and preparations begin for the HTML Conference in Wisconsin, where Buzz hopes to enter his micro e-blast into the HTML Hall of Fame. With juggling lessons, pogo-stick training, a...

In a sprawling voicemail apology to Kelsey, the narrator explains that Buzz was nearly deployed to Vermont, accidentally fathered multiple children after a botched vasectomy, and remains single if she knows anyone “interested.” Between clown-costume shopping, toaster-oven requests, and a gentle call-out to quiet friends, plans also unfold for this year’s Cooptown Poo Blob—a line-dancing convention...

In a Walmart-based wellness dispatch, our narrator updates Mindy Lou on a purple jelly bean discovery, Vicks-infused enemas, and—most urgently—Buzz’s latest crisis. After getting stuck to a wad of bubble gum in the local Chuck E. Cheese ball pit, Buzz is now sporting a bubblegum mass fused to the underside of his scrotum. Peanut butter failed, the doctors are sighing, and temporary scrotumlessness...