Monster Crush

This episode begins with a personal address of support from Heaven-Leigh and Derek about the protests and demands for justice in the US. And finally, the greatest trilogy in human history comes to a close. You may not have asked for it, but it’s here anyway. Derek presents Heaven-Leigh with another bevy of monsters grasping for love in Gettin’ Handsy Part 3: The Fingering! CW: discussions of race/...

Why have one when you can have it all? This week's singletons are a grab bag of delights. He's part man, part snake dick, part butterfly, part dog? Say no more. Seriously, please, say no more, that sounds horrifying. CW: rape. Featuring: Ghost Shark; WEIRD NEWS!; Demon Facts; Erect Snakes; Are Predators Pro-Life?; Direct to Kindle; Bird Don't Have Boobs. Special thanks to our super producer,...

Did you love those handsy boys featured last time? Well, Derek is back with more! The projected hugs are off the charts. We get carried away at the start of this episode and talk a lot about the theater and having sex with ghosts. Good points were made. Heaven-Leigh then shares her most recent experience with maybe an alien abduction? CW: cults, colonialism, body horror, mention of genitalia. Feat...

Who has a variety of hands, at least one thumb, and is ready for love? This week's singletons! Featuring our first monster with daddy issues. CW: Sexual assault in Greek mythology. Featuring: Pool Playing Pandas; Otter Crimes!; Camping Horror Story; Ghostly Hand Massage; Jesus v Devil: Dartmoor Drift; Zeus is at it... A G A I N. Special thanks to our super producer, Richard, and Alexander Gei...

Monsters these days only know eat brains, lie, tweet, and straight-to-DVD-sequels. If you want a monster who knows how to treat you right and has the chivalrous charm of a knight they probably killed at some point, look no further than the Middle Ages! Heaven-Leigh has a selection of three singletons that will show you how to party like it's 799. CW: body horror. Featuring: Power Dynamics and Time...

April Fool's Day can be yours all year round in this special all hoax edition! In honor of pranks, mischief, and tomfoolery, Derek presents Heaven-Leigh with some options that may just be too good to be true. CW: mention of animal death. Featuring: Violence Against Aquatic Apes; Mermaid Theories; ARE-Kansas; Where Did the Germans Go?; Mass Effect; Kaiju Highway. Special thanks to our super-produce...

Since we're all stuck inside and time means nothing, we can all pretend this came out before St. Patrick's Day, right? Either way, grab a Guinness, pucker up, and get ready to kiss some Irish monsters!  CW: Alcohol Consumption, SA, Death, Supernatural Mischief, DV, and Blood. Featuring: Derek absolutely DID NOT go out for St. Patrick’s Day (Social Distancing y’all); Heaven-Leigh will commit c...

New decade, new standards. We are shooting for the stars in this episode, and on the way up, we may give a smooch to these ultra tall dates! Derek is going to need a step ladder. CW: Suicide, shark attack. Featuring: Godzilla predictions; (it was San Diego); Derek has a mountain?; Don't throw dogs!; A beautiful collection of ladies; SHARK ATTACK!Special thanks to Richard, our super producer; music...

A bit of a palate cleanser… or not - we’re talking about monsters that eat people! These creepy cuddlers think you “look good enough to eat” and “can’t wait to have you for dinner.” Those are threats! Heaven-Leigh and Elly wade through some nastiness to find the inner beauty of creatures who hunger for humans. CW: Cannialbilsim, necrophilia, war, demonology, body horror, gore, starvation. Featurin...

This week, Heaven-Leigh is joined by Derek Sword to discuss spooky places! We joke a lot about sleeping with cryptids, but what about when you find The One and are looking for the spot to settle down and begin building your new life? You'll need some real estate, maybe some villagers, and very tolerant neighbors. We take a tour of some of the hottest and scariest places found across the world in s...

This episode is a bit unusual. Did we get sidetracked from what we meant to talk about? Yes, of course! Was it a lot of fun? I THINK SO! Heaven-Leigh is joined by artist and musician Lloyd Daylight (find him on Instagram @lloyddaylight) to talk about boring home towns, demons, and the hidden racism in all our favorite alien jokes.  Also, I lost the file that had our introduction so I did the...

Monsters come in all shapes and sizes, and this episode is about some of our favorite big, big boys. The bigger the boy, the better the hug. That's the saying, right? CW: cults, death. CW for Joey: snakes. Featuring: Babadook Spoilers, Tony Hawk's Unknown Origin Story, Bernie Sander's DC Ragers, SURPRISE PROMO!, Kate Clark Taxidermy. Theme song by Seth David-Andrew Hubbard [Palmersmedic&...

We really ghosted y'all for a second there, huh? But this episode is fresh and it's spppoooooookkkkkyyy! Ghosts galore! CW for possible animal abuse, csa. Featuring: WEIRD NEWS; A Very Good Camel Joke; Humongo Goose; Baberaham Kinkoln. Theme song by Seth David-Andrew Hubbard [Palmersmedic / Sender!] p.p1 {margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Helvetica Neue'} p.p2 {mar...

WE ARE BACK! It's been a minute and a half (and a few months), but your favorite monster lovers are back with a pickled episode. If any of you can remember the listener poll, you wanted creepy and so creepy you get! CW for gun violence. Featuring: Sexy Ghost Voices; Point Break Point by Point Break Down; Hole Science; The Queen of England's Butthole; Being Touched by Strangers; Phil of the Future...

Heaven-Leigh is joined by special guest Jason for a tour of hell. Featuring: Nerdsmith Sub Drive (+ a free recipe?); Food Nuggets; Unhelpful Pacts with Demons; Extensive Online Search Role Play; Rat. Theme song by Seth David-Andrew Hubbard [Palmersmedic / Sender!]

Our dates this week are a deep dive, so take a deep breath and prepare yourself because you. will. get. wet. And also drown. But hey, what's some light drowning between lovers? Featuring: [Warning: Two Sick Girls Incoming]; WeIRd NeeEEEWWS; Cat Infidelity; Horny Dolphins aka Dolphins; Sentence Construction Gone Wrong; Google Talks; Reverse Movies; Tiddyborn. Theme song by Seth David-Andr...

The PNW is known for a few things: rainfall, serial killers, and Bigfoot. Also the very first episode of the X-Files and like all of Twin Peaks! But there is more to the luscious greenery and temperate climate than meets the eye. The PNW is chockfull of cryptid bachelors waiting for that special someone, and now is their time to shine. CW for disturbing animal facts and body horror. Featuring: Sim...

A SECRET SURPRISE EPISODE NO ONE WAS EXPECTING! We are joined by two supremely sexy guests for a love fest, unlike anything you've seen before. For the first time, Elly can ask her potential dates a few questions. Shenanigans ensue. Thank you to our guests Kelli, the Opera Geek, and Tommy, aka Dave. Theme song by Seth David-Andrew Hubbard [Palmersmedic / Sender!]

VEGETABLES!! So, you wanted vegetables. You love corn, eh? YOU DESIRE CABBAGE? If so, maybe one of these tasty veggies will be what you're looking for. If you don't like vegetables, then perhaps this will reaffirm for you that you've made the right call. Featuring: Anti-Night Owl Bias; Cat Update; More Ladies in Tank Tops!; Star Trek Fan Cast: Jon Bernthal Edition; Hot Literary Head Canons; Litera...

Three dates, one really big continent. Who stands a chance at finding love? One is an actual, literal god, so they do have that going for them. But the other could kill your enemies without even breaking a sweat. Priorities. Featuring: What Did Those Ancient Christians Do This Time?; Find the Run on Sentance; The Great Elephant Conspiracy.  Check out our Twitter for a link to our sources!&nbs...

It may be getting cold outside, but these boys can keep you hot. They may not be able to control the temperature, and there is a chance you will catch on fire and maybe even die, but... you'll be nice and toasty. Featuring: Ears of Ice; Breakin' and Enterin' 101; Virgin Sacrifices; Beach Culture; Flamiens; Ring of Fire (not the song, like the bad kind); THANK YOU FOR PAYING FOR MY CAT'S SURGERY. C...

We travel across the world in search of love and the perfect temperature, looking high and low. These two are as different as can be, and although they may not be as famous as their cousins, there is a certain charm in anonymity. Featuring: Watch She-Ra or I Will Find You; ALIEN UPDATE 2K18; Illegal Medieval Art; Plump and Fertile Lake Monsters; Google Interlude; Shiny Rock:Dull Rock Conversion; C...

What they all have in common: scales. What makes them unique: how many buttholes they have. These four bachelors have been waiting for that special person to come into their lives for a long, long time. CW: brief gore, and mention of hate crimes. Featuring: THE ALIENS ARE HERE; literal butt munching; Marky Mark is Racist; Cracking a Cold Case w/the Boys; On the Fifth Day Bears Were Made, Upright a...

We didn't plan this, but this is our 13th and SPOOKIEST of all episodes, just in time for Halloween!  We recorded in an extra large, extra chilly room and there's a bit of echo, which only adds to the ambiance. Featuring: Layers of nightmare; Ghosts drunk on power; Sassy Siri; Unnecessary 'U's; Pumpkin Head (1988) is a good movie, and also spoilers for the movie sorry; 18th-century role play....

Someday, you're going to find someone who loves you for what's on the inside - your blood. It's wet n' wild, and you're full of it. Jackpot! [Redacted due to fear of legal repercussions] isn't the only sexy vampire in town, and four hungry fiends are eager to show you what they got. CW: exsanguination, body horror, math. Featuring: The Sniffles; don't sue us Anne R*ce; Panic! @ the New England Gra...