Monster Crush

EPISODE 100 IS HERE! I can’t believe we actually made it to 100 episodes! And speaking of things that are hard to believe, is there a monster lurking in the depths of Loch Ness? Yes… at least we want the answer to be yes because we LOVE NESSIE! So strap in and strap on for Derek’s first monster love with The Loch Ness Monster! Also, a special thank you to all of you who have joined us on this wond...

99 EPISODES! We wanted to celebrate getting this far with something big, so we chose dinosaurs! This episode we bring you two classic dino cryptids with LD choosing to learn about the Kasai Rex! This theropod dinosaur supposedly hunts the waterways of the Congo, and not only does it eat large animals like rhinos… but maybe people too. It’s welcome to eat us any time though as we go big or go home...

We jump right back into the deep end with Part 2 of IN THE MARCH OF MADNESS! This episode we bring you the GOO Conference (Great Old Ones) with an all new list of eldritch horrors and hard-to-pronounce names. So get your brackets ready and strap in and strap on for Tsathoggua, Idh-Yaa, Y’Golonac, Glaaki, Boat Z’uqqa-Mogg, Ithaqua, Gobogeg, Sfatlicllp, and the ultimate champion of this year’s Salty...

It’s that time again! Continuing from last year we once again bring you IN THE MARCH OF MADNESS, our very own monster-smooching bracket of Lovecraftian and eldritch beings. So strap in and strap on for SIXTEEN SALTY beings of unknowable horror and tentacles as we complete a single-elimination bracket broken into two conferences. This episode we tackle the BOG (Beings and Outer Gods) Conference wit...

Happy Valentine’s Day from all of us at Monster Crush! We celebrate Monster Love every single day but it feels especially important on this corporatized, pre-assigned day of affection. So this time we bring you a couple of monsters to make your heart skip a beat… as they rip it from your chest. Yes, far from content with heart-shaped boxes of candy, these monsters prefer hearts with more gooshy fi...

Monster Crush is back! After our holiday hiatus, we are energized and ready for even more monster smooches. And in this new year and month of love, we decide to give a second chance to some of our previously unchosen singletons. So strap in and strap on this week for a second chance for the J'ba Fofi, a massive spider cryptid from the Congo! And I did say SPIDER so if that's not your thing...

Happy Holidays and, more importantly, Gruss Vom Krampus from all of us at Monster Crush! We finally did it! We released a holiday episode and finally got around to covering the Christmas Devil himself, the one and only KRAMPUS! And it’s no secret that this horny holiday hellion is a smash but you may learn things about this cloven Christmas creature that you didn’t know before. So strap in and str...

We all love to play with toys but can you love a toy that plays with you? What about a toy that has intense, possibly malicious, paranormal energy attached to it? If you said yes, then do I have the date for you! This episode LD entertains two of the most notorious haunted dolls around with Robert the Doll and the infamous Annabelle! With these spirit-laden dolls, it’s important to remember the ke...

It’s a special Thanksgiving episode for LD and Derek and they are thankful for so much. We are thankful to you, our wonderful audience (like all 7 of you), we are thankful for the opportunity to make a podcast as friends, and we are thankful for all of the smoochable monsters! So this episode, we prepare a Thanksgiving feast, and the main course? Why, it’s our monstrous singletons! So strap in and...

Given recent events, we here at Monster Crush have decided to stop all this monkey business. So join us as we go ape-shit for our singletons this week! Insert additional monkey pun here. So strap in and strap on for some cryptids who might involve reaching a loving hand back down the evolutionary branch so chimpler times (that’s the last one, I swear). This date we bring you the Stellar’s Sea Ape...

Episode 90 has arrived and just in time for Halloween! So join us as we dive a stake deep into the heart of one of the most iconic monsters of all time, a terror who has dug his fangs deep into the neck of pop culture, the vampire of all vampires - COUNT DRACULA! So strap in and strap on for an exploration into the fictional and real world history of the most famous bloodsucker around! Featuring:...

It’s SPOOKY MONTH and so Monster Crush continues it’s Halloween tradition of bringing you three monsters who represent some of the most iconic seasonal creatures. This year, in our Halloween Threesome, we bring you a ghost, a vampire, and a werewolf: The Kyōkotsu, The Vampire Beast/Beast of Bladenboro, and The Werewolf of Werewolf Springs respectively. So strap in and strap on for some crazy bones...

We said we would do it and, against all better judgment, we’re finally doing it.. It’s the SLEEP PARALYSIS EPISODE! So strap in and strap on for a journey into nightmares as LD braves her own subconscious for this week’s singletons. So, presented in this episode are LD’s very own sleep paralysis demons! Including: The Bowler-Hat-Man, The Hag (aka Foot Goblin), and The Changeling! Will Derek find l...

It’s an age-old question: Head or No Head? Well despite your feelings on the matter, the singletons this week are fervently in the “No Head” category. But that doesn’t mean they are not worthy of love! So join us on this date with good ol’ boy cryptid, The Grafton Monster, and the ‘mythological’ race of headless humanoids, the Blemmyes! Maybe they’ll prove that you can show love even without (a) h...

Welcome TRUE BELIEVERS to this episode of Monster Crush. With all the news these days coming from Marvel Comics we thought we’d jump on that bandwagon and ride some superheroic coattails (cape-tails?). So this week enjoy some familiar Marvel names that were originally attributed to some less than familiar monsters. These Silver Age singletons were pulled straight from the pages of Marvel Comics th...

We are back with another Second Chance At Love for some of our monstrous singletons who didn’t make the cut in previous episodes! Winning out this week is the Alabama Metalman, an alien/cryptid/potential superhero who more or less ruined the life of a local police chief. Even cryptids are living that ACAB life it seems. So strap on and strap in for a shiny short king with some serious hops and lot...

It’s the age old question we must ask all of our romantic partners.. Would you still love me if I was a Wyrm? That is to say a massive, writing beast that haunts the waterways and dark places of the world. To explore this question we bring you two particularly wyrmy (or wormy depending on your definition) singletons today in the first of what is to become a Monster Crush mini series. So please str...

Does size matter? Is bigger always better? These are the tough questions we tackle here at Monster Crush. With that in mind we explore two ends of the size spectrum with the diminutive forest spirit of the Congo, The Eloko, and the sizable but probably-internet-bs mountain monster, the Bergkonge. While these two vary greatly in size they share surprisingly a lot in common. Most importantly, they w...

People are seeing something in the warmer parts of the ocean. Unlike any other sea serpent, this singleton is segmented, lined with flippers, and will give you whatever head you want it to. It’s the Con Rit, a potentially creepy crawly cryptid that lurks in the waters of Vietnam and, if all of the slightly connected sightings can be believed, lots of other places too! But with so many options for...

Happy Daddy’s Day! To celebrate all those monster lovers who appreciate some good daddy energy, we bring you the Greek Mythological Father of All Monsters: TYPHON! This hundred-headed, serpentine titan is ancient, virile, and looking for love… and also the devastation of the Olympians. But maybe LD can soothe his volcanic spirit and show a little modern TLC to this Ancient Greek BBEG. Featuring: W...

Monster Crush returns with a Heavy Hitter episode! It’s time for Derek to admit that he was wrong as we entertain the surprisingly complex world of the Jackalope and it’s many horned relatives! So get ready for things to get horny and harey (as in the animal, it’s not a typo) as we discuss the ancient history of lepines with nice racks, the rogue taxidermy that continued the legend, and the real v...

EPISODE 79: IS THAT A LIGHTSABER IN YOUR POCKETIT IS A TIME OF MONSTER SMOOCHING IN THE GALAXY…Ok, enough caps lock, this won’t scroll anyway. Happy Star Wars Day! In honor of one of the greatest epic space operas, we bring you our very first Monster Crush Star Wars episode! So feel free to get a little cocky, have a good feeling about this, and feel the love flowing through you as we search for l...

Hear that sound out there in the dark woods? Well pull up a log to the fire and we’ll tell you all about those things that lurk out there in the dark… and how cute they are! This episode we explore FEARSOME CRITTERS and don’t worry, there’s nothing to be scared of. I mean, so what if they probably all are made up tall tales, these Critters are lurking for love and you might just be the one to give...

In the March of Madness is back with PART TWO - THE WESTERN CONFERENCE (not that the cardinal direction has any meaning here). We are back with even more eldritch horrors to drive you to the very brink of madness... in a sexy way? Get ready the final rounds of our Salty 17-single-elimination-smiooch bracket featuring more tentacles and mouths than you can literally imagine. So strap in and strap o...

In the spirit of March Madness we give you a showdown between some of the most madness-inducing monsters ever imagined. Get ready for In The March of Madness, a 17-monster single-elimination bracket featuring some of the most notable eldritch horrors of Lovecraftian fiction. We get really deep with these old ones as we narrow down who is the most smoochable cosmic horror. Featuring: Lovecraft is a...