Lumps & Humps - The Audio Files

Charlottesville. Quantum theory. First love. Trenches. French fries. Rainstorms and reiki. A story about strange timing, parallel lives, and the people who arrive exactly when you need them—even if you don’t understand why yet.

Chemo by the numbers: bloodwork trends, step counts, hydration, iron infusions, weight gain, and what happens when survival starts looking like data points on a graph.

On runny noses, new friends, and gallows humor.

This week on Why Alli Has Cancer: organized crime, environmental toxins, chicken cancer, the Chesapeake Bay, and a topless conversation with my plastic surgeon while she inflated my fake boob with saline.

Round five of chemo. A piece about mindset, mental health, finding a “why,” cold plunges, cancer rituals, the language we use to survive, and how sometimes you never know what you’re training for.

Healthcare Bullshit returns for another episode. This week: My insurance provider announced they’re leaving the Virginia Marketplace while I’m still in active cancer treatment, my colorectal surgeon abruptly stopped practicing, and I had to learn—again—how much of surviving cancer is also surviving the American healthcare system. Also featuring: my incredible care team, a very good social worker,...

I used to know how to find the answer. Then somewhere along the way, I stopped knowing what I wanted. This is a story about driving, houses, and what happens when you don’t know what you want—but keep going anyway.

On day one of chemo, I was handed a hazmat kit to take home. Literally. This episode walks through what it means to be trained to clean up chemotherapy spills—on clothes, on floors, on your own skin—while slowly realizing where that same poison is actually going.

Back half. Chemo Part One. Things are getting harder—physically, mentally, all of it. This episode is about uncertainty, the grind, and trying to plan a life when you have no idea how you’ll feel from one day to the next. Also: a potential escape window—and a care team that understands quality of life matters, too.

Two unexpected questions from my oncologist—about acne medication and long-distance running—send me down a research rabbit hole. This episode explores potential risk factors for colorectal cancer in younger, healthy populations—and why “too young” and “too fit” might not mean what we think.

Eight firefighters. One paramedic. And me, saying “I’m fine.” This is the story of the night my body said otherwise—and the beginning of learning how to let people help.

Chemo, labs, food, movement, and a mountain escape. No big breakthroughs—just steady progress and the work of doing everything possible to rebuild before the next knockdown.

Two cancers, a history of anxiety and depression, and a brain that won’t sit still. This is what the dark days actually sound like—and what it takes to make it through them, one thought, one hour, one day at a time.

On anniversaries, oysters, and getting dressed.

When everything falls apart, where do you go? This is a story about leaving, the ocean that taught me how to survive, and the moment I stopped running long enough to hear something deeper.

A week of small but meaningful progress: adding real food back in, reclaiming movement, and facing a hard decision about my body. This episode is about healing, identity, and what it means to move forward—1% at a time.

Why do I have cancer? New theory: my dog gave me cancer so I’d stay home and pet him more. It’s airtight logic… until you factor in all appointments. This episode continues the series with a highly questionable—but emotionally compelling and slightly unhinged—case against a very sweet, very suspicious, very good boy.

Nausea: controlled. Fatigue: next level. Real food: back. This is chemo week two—more data, more adjustments, and learning how to fight smarter.

On chemo pumps, prescription meds, and a rapidly declining tolerance for bullshit.

A “peanut butter and jelly” at 3:45am, a body that’s starving, and a complete rewrite of what nutrition means. This episode is about breaking every rule you’ve ever followed around food—and accepting that right now, the goal isn’t to feel good. It’s to survive.

Fascia, scar tissue, and the most boring exercises that matter the most. This episode is about surgical rehab, why starting early changes everything, and what it really looks like to get 1% better when your body feels completely wrecked.

“But you’re so young—why do you have cancer?” It’s the question everyone asks—and one that doesn’t have a satisfying answer. This episode kicks off a new series exploring the theories, the data, the conspiracy theories, and the uncomfortable truth: sometimes, it’s just bad luck.

Everyone has a plan until you get punched in the face. This episode walks through my first week of chemo—seven-hour infusions, rookie mistakes, nausea that took me out, and the moment I realized: this is the battlefield now.

On ports, toddler diets, and feeling 7/10.

A song in the operating room. A text sent from recovery. And the story of an unlikely friend who made it possible to believe—if only for a moment—that everything was going to be okay.