Lit AF Relationships

Showing up authentically on a date can be difficult, especially if you tend to people please or have an insecure attachment type. On this episode, I share a few tips to get into a secure mindset before you go on a date. I include tips for anxious preoccupied, dismissive avoidant, and fearful avoidant attachment styles. This takes practice and I encourage you to take baby steps. But there are huge...

Today on the podcast I talk about the anxious avoidant trap. I answer the question, “Do you think people in an Anxious / Avoidant relationship can work with time and patience or are they incompatible? I keep going back and forth on if I just need time and to completely heal, or if I need to find someone who will work with my anxious attachment style.” I explain why these attachment types tend to e...

On this week’s episode I answer the question, “Do you think you can only earn secure in the context of relationships? In other words, even if you’ve done tons of work, can you be certain you’re (mostly) healed without testing it in a relationship?”. I get this question alot in different forms, do I need to be single to heal my attachment style, do I need to be in a relationship to heal my attachme...

In this episode, I interview Jessica Fern author of Polysecure. I really wanted to have her on the show because this book is an amazing resource about attachment for both monogamous and nonmonogamous relationships. We discuss all things attachment including external environmental factors that affect our attachment style, our attachment with mother earth, and how to heal your attachment in a relati...

Fizzling is when someone you’re talking to online or have been on a date with puts the brakes on communicating with you. They don’t completely ghost you but the conversation starts slowing down like a car running out of gas. In this episode I share common signs that your situationship or relationship is fizzling. I explain why ghosting and fizzling are common dismissive avoidant behaviors. And the...

In this episode I answer a listener’s question that is struggling with distrust in their relationship. Their dismissive avoidant partner has a habit of lying and she is triggered by his behavior. This episode is particularly great for anxious preoccupieds and fearful avoidants that struggle with hypervigilance. I explain how to handle the triggering emotions that come up and then I share tips on h...

In today’s episode I share how I healed my fearful avoidant attachment type. The fearful avoidant attachment style flip flops between anxious preoccupied and dismissive avoidant so there are some good strategies in here no matter which side of the attachment spectrum you’re on. I go over how I originally heard about attachment style, what program I used to start healing, and the incredible changes...

Are you communicating on the dating apps and feeling anxious? In this episode I share a few tips on how to communicate on dating apps when you have an anxious preoccupied attachment style. This episode is also for you if you are fearful avoidant that leans anxious. I share how anxious preoccupied people tend to show up on dating apps and how to slow down in your communication. Additionally I revie...

Breakups can trigger your attachment system which makes them especially painful to navigate. In this episode I review how each of the different attachment styles handle a breakup including anxious preoccupied, fearful avoidant, and dimssive avoidant. I share four tips to help you heal from the breakfup whether you did the breaking up or you were broken up with. I finish the episode answering quest...

Are you dating someone new and getting too excited or overwhelmed about it? You’re not alone! This is so common for anxious preoccupied, dismissive avoidant, and fearful avoidant attachment types. In this episode, I explain how the different attachment styles are activated when dating someone new. I break down how to regulate your own nervous system for each attachment type so you can get back to...

So you’ve been going to therapy for years and you’re not seeing any changes? I get it. I went to therapy for about four years and I didn’t see much drastic change. In this episode I talk about the difference between therapy and coaching. I also share how healing your attachment style helps you show up more authentically in therapy. And last I share how to use coaching and therapy together to heal...

Are you doing dating math around dating in your city? Do you think your city is in fact the worst city to date? Do you live in Los Angeles, New York, San Francisco, Seattle, London, Paris, or Chicago? When you’re thinking this you are actually in lack mentality. And I hate to say it but it’s not possible for all of these cities to be the worst. The truth is dating is just hard. In this episode I s...

Are you ruminating about breaking up with your partner? If breaking up with your partner is your go-to reaction whenever there is conflict in your relationships this episode is for you! This is a very common habit for dismissive avoidants. I know because I used to struggle with this. In this episode, I share why dismissive avoidants are always thinking about breaking up as the solution to conflict...

This week’s episode was recorded in front of a live audience at Whitney Cubbison’s San Francisco book launch of Will Be There Wine . I always love using books, movies, and tv shows to understand our own relationship patterns better. This book is no different. In this episode we discuss the lessons learned in the book including how to remain secure, the myth of no sex on the first date, and how to...

Are you bad at conflict? Does conflict feel triggering to you? It likely has to do with your attachment style and how your caregivers addressed conflict growing up. In this episode I explain what attachment styles are and how each attachment style deals with conflict. If you’re anxious preoccupied you likely people-please and say yes to things you don’t actually want. If you’re dismissive avoidant...

Today I’m reviewing the four different attachment types so you can answer the question, what attachment style am I? Listen to understand the four attachment types anxious preoccupied, dismissive-avoidant, fearful avoidant or disorganized attachment, and secure attachment. Attachment Style Anxious Preoccupied As an anxious attachment style you prioritize close social connections above all else. You...

In today’s episode, I sit down with my husband, Adrian Cardenas, to talk about my wild and crazy birth story. I had an unmedicated in a hospital. It was an incredible learning and growth experience both physically and mentally. We both share how birth has radically changed us and what attachment parenting means to both of us. It’s hilarious and touching and we hold back nothing. Resources discusse...

In today’s episode, I share how perfectionism shows up on the road to secure attachment. I recently caught myself being a super perfectionist about my own attachment style in preparation for the birth of my baby. My fearful-avoidant leaning dismissive avoidant tendencies had me hooked on secure. I wanted to have my shit figured out so I wasn’t doing it in front of the baby. But guess what, NO ONE...

Today’s episode features Markie Mullins, an astrologer, yoga instructor, oracle card reader, and retreat leader. We have an amazing conversation about reading charts and where astrology and attachment style intersect. She explains how to find your rising sign, use the moon cycles for your manifestation practice, and integrate your cycle with the seasons. It’s a hilarious conversation peppered with...

Today’s show takes a bit of a turn off the beaten personal and spiritual growth path and focuses on the impact of the recent overturning of Roe v. Wade. This episode features stories about birth, pregnancy, and abortion. The first guest Ashleigh Robinson recently spoke at an abortion rights rally in Baltimore and shares why it’s so important for women to have ownership over their bodies. The secon...

We’re talking about astrology with this week’s guest Dana Augustine. She is a teacher, astrologer, and the host of the Self Help Witch podcast. She kicks off the episode with an astro update so you know what’s going on in the cosmos. We then go on to chat about sobriety, codependency, and where to learn more about these topics in your astrology chart. I got a reading from Dana last year and I love...

Today I’m joined by career coach Ali Dunn. We have an amazing conversation about why it’s important for women to start speaking up in the workplace and asking for raises. She shares her top tips and tools for cultivating confidence and working with imposter syndrome. My favorite tip she talks about is having a brag folder. And how taking action is so important when dealing with imposter syndrome a...

This week I am joined by astrologer Nadia Diamante. Nadia is an ethical hedonist, sapphic queer with an irreverent and wild spirit and a love for all people of all identities. She gives us an astro update and explains how she incorporates asteroids and mythology into her work. Nadia is hilarious and obsessed with Gen Z-ers. Throughout the conversation Nadia queers astrology forcing us to question...

This week I’m joined by neurodivergent coach Avory Faucette. Avory’s preferred pronouns are zie/hir. Avory shares about living with ADHD, queer magic, and coping with chronic fatigue. We discuss hir relationship with productivity coming from a background working in nonprofits and social justice. Zie shares about the importance of prioritizing your own needs and your own selfcare participularly in...

This week I share why grief is at the very bottom of every core wound and trauma we’ve experienced. Grief does not like to be touched. She loves to be by herself. But when you find her she’s got a lot of valuable things to say in order to heal. I get to the story of grief by way of perfectionism. It’s a personal share of how I’ve honed my perfectionistic tendencies throughout my life. I share how...