Lit AF Relationships

Today my guest is Mabel who worked with me to overcome her avoidant attachment style. Her goal was to clean up her relationship with her daughter. Her daughter is highly emotional and was prone to have full shutdowns when she got frustrated doing things like piano practice or homework. Mabel was triggered by her daughters emotions and was either yelling or taking space to avoid them as much as pos...

If there is one skill that transforms relationships from shaky to secure, it is validation. And yes, it is hard AF. In this episode, we’re diving into why this deceptively simple tool is the very first thing I teach couples and why it matters so much for creating secure attachment. Validation is tough because when your partner brings you something painful or messy, your body wants to react. Your b...

Are you “chill,” “go with the flow,” or “totally fine with whatever”? Spoiler alert… that might actually be people-pleasing in disguise. And people-pleasing is basically lying about what you really want. In this episode, we dig into why going with the flow usually means “I’m too scared to say what I need,” how it creates resentment in relationships, and why your partner actually can’t support you...

Avoidants often need space because conflict never felt safe growing up. They want peace, so when tough conversations come up, they shut down and exit fast. If you are the one opening up, it can feel like abandonment. They take space without explaining it and often skip the repair. This pattern can change. It starts with owning your emotions, understanding your needs for space and autonomy, and upl...

If you catch yourself people-pleasing, this episode is for you. We’ll explore why you over-give, go with the flow, or downplay your needs, and how it’s quietly draining your energy and creating distance in your relationship. When you’re always focused on keeping the peace, you lose touch with what you actually want and need. In this episode, I’ll walk you through how to own your emotions so you’re...

Ever had an argument spin out of control before you even knew what happened? In this episode, we’re talking about how to stop a fight dead in its tracks — with validation. Yep, the one thing that sounds simple but feels impossible when emotions are high. You’ll learn why validation isn’t about agreeing, being weak, or giving in, and how offering it can actually calm your nervous system and build r...

Ever catch yourself simmering in quiet resentment toward your partner? You’re not alone. In this week’s episode, we’re diving into what resentment really is (spoiler: it’s just anger with a side of overgiving). We’ll unpack why we do it, usually to prove we’re “enough”, and how it drains our time, energy, and connection. You’ll learn how to own your emotions, fill your own cup daily, and upgrade y...

Lit AF Relationships podcast is your resource for creating healthy relationships full of love, trust, safety, and respect.  If you avoid conflict like it’s the plague, this episode is for you. We’re talking about what it really means to be conflict avoidant, how defensiveness, minimizing, or deflecting can sneak in when you’re scared to show up honestly. This pattern is common for the dismiss...

Ever wondered why your anxious self keeps falling for that avoidant hottie? Or why you suddenly lose interest once someone actually likes you back? In this week’s episode, I’m diving into all your juicy relationship questions. We’ll break down how to figure out your attachment style, what “earned secure” actually means, and how to stop taking every little thing your partner does (or doesn’t do) so...

Ever cracked a joke or shared something with your partner, only to suddenly find yourself in a full-blown fight? 😳 One second you’re laughing, the next it’s accusations, defensiveness, and tension. In this episode, I’ll share a real client example of how quickly things can go sideways what to do instead of trying to control your partner’s reaction. We’ll talk about why defensiveness shuts down co...

Perfectionism might look like striving for A+++ work, but in relationships it often leads to burnout, resentment, and never feeling enough. In this episode of Lit AF Relationships, I share how perfectionism shows up in love, why it keeps you stuck in people-pleasing, and the surprisingly freeing power of embracing B-minus work. Get ready to laugh, reflect, and learn how to let go of impossible sta...

What if the only thing standing between you and the life you want is your thoughts? In this episode of Lit AF Relationships, host and relationship coach Sarah Cohan breaks down how our beliefs shape our reality—and why we sometimes have to create new ones before we have any proof they’re true. From clients learning to trust themselves in dating, to shifting family dynamics, to Sarah’s own journey...

Anger gets a bad rap—but it’s actually one of our most useful emotions. In this episode, I explore why anger shows up, what it’s really protecting us from, and how to uncover the softer feelings hiding underneath. From dishes with my husband to those everyday moments that leave us simmering, we’ll look at how to process the deeper emotions behind anger so it no longer feels scary, but instead beco...

Saying no can feel impossible when you’re wired with insecure attachment. We twist ourselves into pretzels to avoid it—racking up credit card debt, staying in relationships too long, or going out for “just one more drink” we didn’t even want. But here’s the truth: no isn’t rejection, no is clarity. In this episode, I’ll show you how to shift your relationship with no so you can reclaim your time,...

This week I’m diving into a big theme that comes up for people with insecure attachment—taking responsibility for other people’s emotions. If your partner gets upset and you feel like you have to fix it, you’re not alone. But here’s the truth: they didn’t ask you to carry that weight. When we overextend, it leads to burnout, resentment, and even a loss of respect in the relationship. In this episo...

Our attachment styles form between ages 7 and 12, when our kid-brains saw the world in black and white: Dad’s not here? He must not love me. Mom didn’t like my crying? Better hide my feelings. Over time, those moments solidify into stories like I’m not enough or Something’s wrong with me , and we carry them into adult relationships, jobs, and opportunities. Suddenly, feedback feels like rejection,...

Life, and love, is 50/50. Half joy and connection, half frustration and discomfort. But when perfectionism creeps into a relationship, we start judging the tough moments as signs something is wrong. In this episode, I share how my own perfectionist mindset showed up in marriage and why it doubled the work during conflict, repairing the fight and the fear it meant we were broken. You’ll learn how p...

If you have an insecure attachment style, a simple “no” can feel like rejection—triggering worst-case-scenario thinking and sending your nervous system into overdrive. In this episode, we’ll reframe “no” as redirection, explore why it’s often the best thing for both parties, and talk about how to stop taking it personally. You’ll learn how to update your beliefs about boundaries, make space for un...

Ever feel like you're putting way more into a friendship than you're getting back? Like you're always remembering their birthday, showing up for their milestones, and making time for deep hangs—while they barely text back or only want to hang in big groups? In this episode, we talk about what it feels like when friendships become unbalanced and how to stop taking it personally. I introduce the “fr...

If you’ve ever thought, “This one person MUST meet all my needs—right now, forever,” this episode is for you. Anxious Preoccupied and Fearful Avoidant folks often grow up with inconsistent caregivers and learn to hyper-focus on one partner to feel safe, chosen, or complete. But the truth is: no one person can be your emotional Amazon Prime —delivering all your needs on demand. I’ll walk you throug...

Ever gone full detective on your partner in the name of “just being curious”? Yeah… me too. 😬 In this episode, I’m talking about weaponized curiosity —how our innocent questions can turn into subtle tools of shame, blame, and control (especially when trust has been broken). I’ll share a raw moment from my own relationship, how my therapist called me out (ouch), and why feeling chosen is a univers...

Guilt and shame: the uninvited passengers secretly driving the bus. In today’s episode, we’re pulling back the curtain on how these emotions silently shape our actions—especially if you’re someone with insecure attachment. From overgiving and people-pleasing to taking responsibility for other people’s feelings, we unpack where guilt and shame come from, why they’re so sticky, and how to gently sta...

Ever catch yourself trying to protect someone from their own emotions—like disappointment, anger, or sadness? You’re not alone. In this episode, we explore the sneaky ways many of us—especially those with fearful avoidant attachment—take on emotional responsibility that was never ours to begin with. We break down how childhood conditioning taught us to manage other people’s feelings as a form of s...

This week, I’m joined by my former client David to talk about his transformation from emotionally shutdown and YouTube-binging to expressive, boundary-setting, and boxing-loving. We get real about what it’s like to live with a dismissive avoidant attachment style, how it affected his friendships and relationships, and how he slowly built a more secure sense of self—one tiny step (and one tucked-in...

Do you secretly believe you’re uniquely unlovable, fundamentally broken, or just too weird to be understood? Congrats, you might have Special Snowflake Syndrome™. In this spicy episode (recorded on day one of my period a.k.a. peak truth serum), I unpack how this isolating lie keeps you from the connection you crave—and why 25% of us are out here doing the exact same thing. You're not broken, you'r...