If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes

merritt, John and Niki bring each other up to speed on the latest events in the wild world of white women, before moving on to related topics such as Dick Van Dyke's old-ass blood, Jar-Jar Bane, what "the fish movie" is called, and somehow, even more. Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes , a listener-supported comedy podcast where three noble explorers chip away at the c...

With merritt aboard the International Space Station, Niki and John set about their most challenging task yet: Reducing the average price of new cars sold in the United States of America. Also, why didn't we let Elizabeth Holmes keep going? Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes , a listener-supported comedy podcast where three noble explorers chip away at the crumbling foundations o...

Honorary driver Michael Higham returns to help John and merritt plan the first-ever Drivey Airport Lounge, including such innovations as the Person in Residence, honor system sleep pods, the vacuum bed and others, in addition to broader topics such as Big Head Todd and the Monsters, the #4-ranked Runescape player in the world, and if you can believe it, somehow even more. Welcome to If You're...

merritt bravely weathers her debilitating illness to help John and Niki handle a slew of new problems facing everyday people, including what we're thickening, the Caligulan excess of artificial temperature differences, the Canadian Football League, and much more, including the return of Niki's Picks and Scam Text Theater. Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes , a listener-suppo...

Wow, 200 episodes. It seems like only yesterday that I found John, Niki, merritt and LB in that puddle of green ooze in the sewers underneath New York City, and now look at them. A rough a tumble team of crime fighters, each with their own unique skills and abilities, working together to protect everyday people from the nefarious Foot Clan and its ruthless leader, Shredder. Also featuring the retu...

ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Because John, merritt and Niki definitely are!!!!! It's time for the new season to start and that means YOU get a one-way trip to the end zone for a podcast jam-cracked full of insights, predictions and postulations about that dang ol' pigskin. FOOTBALL!!!!!!!!!!!!! Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes , a listener-supported comedy...

merritt, John and Niki discuss Tom, Jerry, and the importance of family. Also I think Mike Meyers is in there somewhere. Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes , a listener-supported comedy podcast where three noble explorers chip away at the crumbling foundations of reality, five or six simultaneous topics at a time. Hosted by Niki Grayson , merritt k and John Warren , and produced by Jord...

Okay yes, we can't act like it doesn't happen: Niki, merritt and John talk about Grand Theft Auto 6 on this episode. But it's not the only thing they talk about! Please!! You have to understand!! Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes , a listener-supported comedy podcast where three noble explorers chip away at the crumbling foundations of reality, five or six simultaneous topics at a time...

But really, how much can Frasier Crane Dot Com possibly cost? Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes , a listener-supported comedy podcast where three noble explorers chip away at the crumbling foundations of reality, five or six simultaneous topics at a time. Hosted by Niki Grayson , merritt k and John Warren , and produced by Jordan Mallory , with music by Jordan and art by Max Schwartz ....

Folks, it's a full Nightbane episode. That's right, if you for some reason aren't aware or haven't listened to the bonuses, Merritt frequently has Niki and John playing legally-distinct-from-Clive-Barker's- Nightbreed tabletop role-playing game Nightbane in bonus episodes. This full episode is just a long version of that, complete with character creation and a short campaign. Do you like how Niki...

Could this be the final White Off ever??? Is this the longest Gimmick Month in If You're Driving history?????? To answer these questions and many more, please listen to the episode. Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes , a listener-supported comedy podcast where three noble explorers chip away at the crumbling foundations of reality, five or six simultaneous topics at a time. Hosted by Ni...

Gimmick Month continues with all the car-related fun you can pack into one hour. Come travel the highways and byways with us. Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes , a listener-supported comedy podcast where three noble explorers chip away at the crumbling foundations of reality, five or six simultaneous topics at a time. Hosted by Niki Grayson , merritt k and John Warren , and produced by...

Gimmick Month continues with Normal Week, the most regular week of the show to date. It's very "business as usual" hours in here this episode, so don't be surprised if things are exactly how you expect them to be. It's normal! Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes , a listener-supported comedy podcast where three noble explorers chip away at the crumbling foundations of reality, five or si...

Gimmick Month continues with the return of Smooth Week, back after a long absence for reasons we're just not gonna get into! How will Smooth by Santana (feat. Rob Thomas of Matchbox 20) match up against Smooth by Santana (feat. Rob Thomas of Matchbox 20) in this year's head-to-head battle? And did you remember to do your homework? Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes , a listener-supporte...

Gimmick Month continues with Teen Week , where Niki, John and merritt not only embody the teens of today, but also try and reformat the show to be more appealing to the dozens of teens out there listening to podcasts. Is GTA overrated? Are you on Glimber? Where are all of our dads? Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes , a listener-supported comedy podcast where three noble explorers chip...

It's once again time for Gimmick Month, the five-week experience where this show has some sort of coherent theme or premise, totally unlike how it normally is! This week's theme: What's the best week of the year? Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes , a listener-supported comedy podcast where three noble explorers chip away at the crumbling foundations of reality, five or six simultaneous...

Fresh from a theater with a very peculiar bathroom, merritt, John and Niki discuss the latest entry in the Toy Story franchise, how "toy" is determined and who decides what gets sentience, kid brain osmosis, Toy of the Year in 2001, Bionicles, Z-Bots, and somehow, additional things that aren't toys. Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes , a listener-supported comedy podcast where three nob...

Hey!!! We decided to make this week's Patreon-exclusive bonus episode available to everyone, just to give y'all a little taste of what you're missing out on. If you liked this, there's tons more bonus content already waiting for you at https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving ! Okay bye! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

merritt, John and Niki investigate what little remains of the world of soap operas, before moving on to the roller coaters of Dubai, "British Linus," knife training videos, Brazil Dot Com, and somehow even more. Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes , a listener-supported comedy podcast where three noble explorers chip away at the crumbling foundations of reality, five or six simultaneous...

With Jordan back on the sticks, Niki, merritt and John attempt to tackle their biggest responsibility of the year: Planning for Gimmick Month. Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes , a listener-supported comedy podcast where three noble explorers chip away at the crumbling foundations of reality, five or six simultaneous topics at a time. Hosted by Niki Grayson , merritt k and John Warren...

Drivey note: this week's episode has been untouched by the loving hands of producer Jordan Mallory. John is much worse at Jordan's job than Jordan is, so please forgive this week for any audio issues or snafus. This week, John bravely asks the question "what if we gave just a few minutes to acknowledge the straights" to Merritt and Niki on this, the first day of Pride (at least when we recorded it...

This week merritt, John and Niki do an extended Star Wars goof (I don't think any of these spoilers are real, but who can say, really? I sure as shit didn't watch that movie), before moving on to greener, less celestial pastures, including any date between 2000 and 2010, a specific guy running for governor of California, and somehow even more. Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes , a list...

This week Niki, John and merritt discuss their shower habits, the contents of the Nickelodeon time capsule, skinned Grogu, the premise of 1997 ABC television series Teen Angel , the ending of Full House, and gang? Somehow even more. Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes , a listener-supported comedy podcast where three noble explorers chip away at the crumbling foundations of reality, five...

Niki is out this week, but merritt and John still find plenty to talk about in the meantime. Well, by "plenty" I mean mostly Tim Allen, but there's some other stuff in there too! Netbooks, Destiny 2 nightmares, child actors and their fates, reverse engineering the plot of Pixels -- there's more going on here than just Tim Allen. I'll be honest though, lotta Tim Allen in this one. Welcome to If You...

John, Niki and merritt assess the 2026 Met Gala in real time, providing up-to-the-minute details and analysis of all the freaks in their weird getups, in addition to discussing related topics such as future Met Gala theme ideas, the surgery that makes you Korean, what constitutes a helmet, Eli Lilly's iron grasp on your grandma, defunct social media networks, and gang? Somehow even more. Welcome t...