Hallmark Snark

In this week’s minisode, we’re ranking Private Princess Christmas, Sugarplummed, and Leah’s Perfect Gift using our scientifically snarky tier system. From “annoyingly good” to “snoozefest,” we’re breaking down the highs, the lows, and everything in between. Brace yourself for some fast and festive judgment. Ready, set, snark! Check out our latest rankings at HallmarkSnark.com and follow us @Hallma...

Well, Hallmark went full meta with Harmony Home and its Sugarplum series. Honestly, we’re rooting for this to become a real franchise and need that rule book published immediately. Hallmark needed to decide if it wanted this to be funny or heartfelt. And while the sugarplum whimsy was delightfully fun, even gin cookies couldn’t make this family believable. We still wish this could have been our ga...

Our "minisode" isn’t so mini this week as we tackle seven movies for Thanksgiving! We’re ranking Debbie Macomber's Joyful Mrs. Miracle, A '90s Christmas, Deck the Walls, Believe in Christmas, Holiday Touchdown: A Chiefs Love Story, The Finnish Line, and The Christmas Quest in our scientifically snarky tier system. From “annoyingly good” to “snoozefest,” we’re here to break down which movies were w...

While this was one of the most disappointing treasure hunts we’ve been on, the stunning Icelandic landscapes and views almost made up for it. We’d suggest renaming this movie to "Maybe the Real Treasure Is the Friends and Family We Met Along the Way." While it tried to nod to Indiana Jones and The Da Vinci Code, there’s a reason those movies don’t include a baking montage. The pacing felt as uneve...

Back with another minisode, where we’re ranking this weekend’s holiday movies— Christmas on Call, Three Wiser Men and a Boy, To Have and to Holiday—in our scientifically snarky tier system. From “annoyingly good” to “snoozefest,” we’re here to break down which movies are worth your time, which are just watchable, and which are only good for the snark. Brace yourself for some fast and festive judgm...

Well shucks. We were annoyed…by how good this was. Can a sequel be better than the original? The Godfather taught us it’s possible, and while this isn’t The Godfather, it’s one of those rare moments where a sequel delivers. Join us as we indulge in a steady diet of sparks—not often found in such abundance in our Countdown to Christmas reviews. We may do a little bit of fan-girl/boy-ing over Paul C...

Back with another minisode, where we’re ranking this weekend’s holiday movies— Christmas with the Singhs, Jingle Bell Run, Confessions of a Christmas Letter—in our scientifically snarky tier system. From “annoyingly good” to “snoozefest,” we’re here to break down which movies are worth your time, which are just watchable, and which are only good for the snark. Brace yourself for some fast and fest...

Welcome to our first crossover episode with our new snarky friends, Nameless Best Friends. Jingle Bell Run? More like Mildly Festive Plane Trips to Solve Low-Budget Challenges. From walnut cracking to ski valet fruitcake hockey, the thrills were few, but the payout was huge. Sure, the stakes were low, but we stayed for the jackets and Andrew Walker’s center part, which deserved its own trophy.   J...

We veered off the Hallmark path and straight into Netflix territory for Hot Frosty. Why? For you, for us, for snowmen everywhere. With Lacey Chabert in the mix, it’s basically Hallmark-adjacent. The logic? Utterly absurd—and we couldn’t look away. A snowman, born today years old, can read and talk (but doesn't know all the words). It’s giving Kate & Leopold meets The Knight Before Christmas wi...

Back with another minisode, where we’re ranking this weekend’s holiday movies—Trivia at St. Nick's, Santa Tell Me, Tis the Season to be Irish—in our scientifically snarky tier system. From “annoyingly good” to “snoozefest,” we’re here to break down which movies are worth your time, which are just watchable, and which are only good for the snark. Brace yourself for some fast and festive judgment. R...

Celeste is giving knock-off CCB vibes, with enough desperation and hyperfixation to make men scatter on sight. And then there's Max, a football coach with all the focus of a puppy—"What's that? A random reindeer fact? Naval historical fiction?" While she wasn’t a character we could root for, we had to agree with her on buffet etiquette. This love may not be built to last, but hey, at least she got...

Back with another minisode, where we’re ranking this weekend’s holiday movies—A Carol for Two, Our Holiday Story, and Holiday Mismatch—in our scientifically snarky tier system. From “annoyingly good” to “snoozefest,” we’re here to break down which movies are worth your time, which are just watchable, and which are only good for the snark. Brace yourself for some fast and festive judgment. Ready, s...

Welcome to Someplace, Vermont, where straight people find every way to avoid talking about who they are or how they feel, and where $25 apparently saves 10 children—what a deal! This is a story of “when you know, you know,” except… when you don’t, you still do? We had a lot of questions with this one, like, is the daughter trying to kill off her boyfriend by not telling anyone he has a fatal nut a...

Back with another minisode, where we’re ranking this weekend’s holiday movies—Operation Nutcracker, The Christmas Charade, and The 5-Year Christmas Party—in our scientifically snarky tiered ranking system. From “annoyingly good” to “snoozefest,” we’re here to break down which movies are worth your time, which are just watchable, and which are only good for the snark. Brace yourself for some fast a...

One of the most snarkable movies we’ve seen in a long time, featuring a top-five snarkable moment—a five-story, one-handed rope slide (rope burn, anyone?) into a Christmas inflatable. So many twists in this one our necks hurt (her parents were also FBI agents??). Tara learned she wouldn’t make it as a spy due to her inability to pocket text—guess she’ll have to stick to her Hallmark job as a libra...

It’s the debut of our snark-filled minisode! This week, we’re putting three holiday contenders—'Twas the Date Before Christmas, Holiday Crashers, and Scouting for Christmas—through the ultimate ranking test. From “annoyingly good” to “snoozefest,” we’re dishing out the verdicts on what’s worth watching, what’s just watchable, and what’s only good for a snark-fest. Brace yourself for some fast and...

If you’ve ever wondered what Wedding Crashers would look like dipped in Christmas glitter and wrapped in a Hallmark bow, look no further. While Toni and Justin are two bland bananas, Justin’s hair definitely deserves its own IMDb page. We’re still not sure how he managed to get past all the lying—or maybe he’s just really into F1 and doula role-playing. The real question is: what kind of credit ca...

We're back and kicking off season six of Hallmark Snark with our very own Countdown to Christmas 2024 preview special. Join us on our snarky adventure into watching, discussing, and judging Hallmark Christmas movies.  Follow us @HallmarkSnark on Facebook, Instagram, and X.

Ever thought, this science exhibit needs more Christmas? If so, and you're in Kansas, you must check out this hub-of-the-community planetarium featuring reindeer rockets, 90s clip art, and shopping mall NASA. Nothing says Kansas like curling. Join us for Episode 2 of our snarky adventure into watching, discussing, and judging Hallmark Christmas movies.  Check out our latest rankings at HallmarkSna...

We are kicking off season five of Hallmark Snark with our very own Countdown to Christmas 2023 preview special. Join us on our snarky adventure into watching, discussing, and judging Hallmark Christmas movies.  Follow us @HallmarkSnark on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.

One of the silliest and most fun movies we've seen from Hallmark. Still...we had some questions. Is a cul-de-sac the right place for a tree lighting or Christmas carnival? How long has Pamela lived in this neighborhood? Will Ned find a good therapist? How does a Santa sprain his lap?  Also, we share our week 5 movie rankings for Inventing the Christmas Prince, Three Wise Men and a Baby, When I Thi...

This was a movie made for the heteros. A thirst trap comedy with great comedic delivery and even less feminism. We laughed, we cringed, but overall we worried about the safety of the baby. Also, we share our week 4 movie rankings for In Merry Measure, The Royal Nanny, Christmas at the Golden Dragon, and Our Italian Christmas Memories. Join us for Episode 6 of our snarky adventure into watching, di...

This one is for all the people who wished that Pitch Perfect had been a made-for-tv Christmas movie. We learn that high schoolers can sing in complex harmonies with no effort and a leading men can wear glasses. Also, we share our week 3 movie rankings for A Magical Christmas Village; Lights, Camera, Christmas; All Saints Christmas; and A Maple Valley Christmas. Join us for Episode 5 of our snarky...

A woman is roped into working as a costume director on a movie set under questionable conditions and then turns down two other jobs with similarly questionable conditions. Hallmark is making fun of itself with this one! Also, we share our week 2 movie rankings for A Cozy Christmas Inn, Jolly Good Christmas, Ghosts of Christmas Always, and Christmas Bedtime Stories. Join us for Episode 4 of our sna...

This one is all about the tea with CCB. Honestly, Lauren was lucky to get out before Andy's poor business decisions dragged her down. Erica, now knows the family secret and there's no getting out. I guess, that's Garland for ya!  Also, we share our week 1 movie rankings for Noel Next Door, We Wish You a Married Christmas, A Kismet Christmas, and We Need a Little Christmas. Join us for Episode 3 of...