Good Grief

At the heart of the Lavender Pen tour of October, 2017 was a recognition that none of us are free until we are all free. One way participants connected LGBTQ oppression with the oppression of people of color and other marginalized communities was watching the film From Selma to Stonewall, which explores the intersection of the fights for African American civil rights and LGBTQ rights. The filmmake...

A tour which began from a desire to offer solace and inspiration to communities under attach became, also, an inspiration to those who participated and to people across the country. Capturing the imagination of many communities, the Lavender Pen tour attracted a full concert of people dedicated to capturing the tour for history. Most important, a film was envisioned to tell the stories of the tour...

After the presidential election of 2016, two choir directors were looking for a way to take action. The San Francisco Gay Men's Chorus thought a tour of the southern states might give the choir an opportunity to offer solace and call attention to anti LGBTQ legislation. The Oakland Interfaith Gospel Choir was moved by the message of inclusion and social activism and signed on. So the two directors...

When therapist Nisha Zenoff's 17 year old son died, her extensive training in supporting clients in grief suddenly felt inadequate. She entered a new world that called everything into question. Putting one foot in front of another, time passed and she came through the worst initial grief and became especially well prepared to support other parents who had lost a child. Although grief does not end,...

What is modern about loss? Human beings have been experiencing loss for as long as there have been human beings. But there is a movement going on right now that seeks to open up the conversation about grief, to create communities of people that support each other through their hardest times. As we engage on social media and through the internet the world becomes smaller and smaller and our ability...

How much do you know about offering empathy when someone you love is having hard times? Kelsey Crowe found that many people in her own life had a hard time being there for her through her own most difficult moments. Then she noticed that she was not great at it either! It became her mission to learn and teach the skills that lead to a sense that we are loved, supported, and trusted to find our own...

The heart which has known loss looks for echoes. Who has something to teach us about this new and daunting territory? Julie Saeger Nierenberg and Victoria Brewster set out on a search for people who had something to say about death, dying and end of life. In the process, they created a book full of individual and professional insights into the land of loss. Join us to talk about their new book, ho...

As conversations about the end of life have become more open and available, many of us have become more active in planning our own ends. But what are the resources that help us to plan well? What can support us as we work to understand our choices and their consequences? Thankfully, there is help available. Joy Loverde has written a book to help us answer the questions most critical in planning fo...

What happens when a person who has supported others through their hardest times faces his own hardest time? In Rabbi Steve Leder's case, a crisis in his own life led to a deepening understanding of what it takes to come through such a time and what helps when you are the one facing something so life changing. Surviving, healing and growing forever holds the possibility of finding a more profound m...

When Michelle Steinke-Baumgard's husband died suddenly, she found her few moments of peace in exercise. First depending on that time as a lifeline, she soon found a deep passion for the healing effects of endorphins on her grief, helping her to find a way forward for her life. Now, she is a fierce advocate for the power of exercise and endorphins as therapy for grief and trauma. Her book, Healthy...

How can talking about death make living more meaningful? Olivier Larvor and Keith Clarke, two men who gave up successful careers in top companies to form their own life coach practices, believe that contemplating death can lead to a more vibrant quality in life and an improved sense of priorities. Together, they created Death Hangout, a podcast dedicated to conversation about death and life. This...

Loss can leave you alone and confused, with no one who gets what you're going through. If loss comes at a relatively young age, there may be no one in your friendship network who has been through it. After her father's death, Carla Fernandez found herself struggling to find support. She invited people she found through her larger circle, all of whom had experienced loss themselves, to come to dinn...

With improvements in field medicine, an even greater number of soldiers have come home from wars in Afghanistan and Iraq disabled and in need of care. Their families then pick up the majority of that care and must adjust to a very different life than the one they lived before. In the film Weight of Honor, Stephanie Seldin Howard explores the impact on these families and how they adjust to profound...

When Diane Barnes, an accomplished physician, experienced a devastating stroke, she relearned many things. In the process, she learned how to live differently, leaving her profession and finding a new path as an actor and playwright. Her most recent play, My Stroke of Luck, chronicles her recovery from her stroke. How does the loss of all you have valued lead to such a creative and unexpected resu...

Keeping memories alive of people we've lost is a way to continue our relationships. As society becomes more comfortable talking about death and loss and grief, public remembrances also become a more universally accepted practice. Websites, Facebook pages and other ways to collect these memories gain in popularity and become more and more appreciated by those of us who want to remember. Allison Gil...

Kate Kendell's courage and conviction helped win the battle for marriage rights for all Americans, including those in same sex relationships. Her fierce advocacy and legal strategy have made her a popular speaker and social media personality. What led her here? Growing up Mormon and coming to terms with being a lesbian clarified her belief that all people deserve fair treatment and equal civil rig...

When all we know leaves us unprepared for loss, we must find a new way to respond. And when suicide is involved, the weight of what could have been can be weighty. Tara Caffelle's former husband and good friend died, and she was left to sort out what she could have done, knowing she had done all she could. In her grief, she found her life.

How does someone find his way from the murder, at age 14, of both his parents to a life guided by big love? Scott Stabile evolved from putting his grief aside and going on with life to honoring and respecting, even inviting, his grief. In the process, he learned a lot about living with an open heart and loving himself and others as completely as possible in each moment. When he opened up to his de...

As the United States increases its levels of incarceration and the length of sentences, more and more inmates are aging and dying in prison. How are they to be supported at the end of life? At Iowa State Penitentiary, the medical staff collaborated with the inmates to create a hospice program for dying incarcerated men. A special room is designed with comfort in mind, and prisoners who are part of...

What is the legacy of trauma to future generations? Recent epigenetics research reveals that even the DNA of children, grandchildren and beyond are affected by severe trauma in generations before them. And so, the killings of 6 million Jews in the Holocaust, the genocide in Rwanda, the bombings in Hiroshima and Nagasaki, the falling of the Twin Towers in New York; we continue to be affected by the...

Jahnna Beecham and Katie Ortlip were friends and neighbors who sometimes had interesting conversations about Katie's work in hospice. She'd sometimes come home talking about a good death she'd experienced that day. The conversation became much more real for Jahhna when her 90 year old father was given a short time to live and she took on his care. Suddenly, she needed every bit of knowledge her fr...

When Bill Philipps was fourteen, he watched his mother die after a life without peace. A few days later, he experienced the first manifestations of his unusual gift when she came to him to tell him what it was like now that she had died and crossed over. Over the years, he came to trust the times he heard others speak to him from the other side. But he didn't see himself as someone who fit the mol...

Mindy Fried resolved to take the best possible care of her father as he neared the end of his life. That commitment was complicated by distance, a lifetime of relationship and the usual difficulties of care management, both his and hers. What supported her, more than anything, was the moments she took to write down what was happening. This simple practice, one she had employed many times for many...

When Laura Lewis children were three and six, the love of her life, the father of her children, killed himself without warning. In the years that followed, she struggled to regain her balance, experiencing a destructive rebound relationship (which brought the blessing of a third child), a divorce and countless twists and turns. In the process, she learned what it took to keep herself healthy and w...

After years of work in end of life care, Mary Matthiesen was blindsided by the death of her mother. She was also filled with inspiration resulting from the conversations they had and the choices her mother made about completing her life on her own terms. In an evolution in her thinking born out of her story, Mary became impassioned about these conversations between people at the end of their lives...