ESSAY Magazine (An International Journal of Sexaholics Anonymous)

L'honnêteté commence dans mon cœur. Ma tête va trouver toutes sortes de raisons pour esquiver la vérité. Quand j'étais prisonnier de la dépendance, j'écoutais ma tête qui me donnait des raisons et des excuses pour continuer à agir ainsi. Je suivais ma tête, mais mon cœur était troublé.

Les Étapes remplacent le processus addictif par un programme de rétablissement.  Cela s'est passé il y a près de 20 ans, alors que je venais tout juste de commencer ce programme de rétablissement.

Identifying the problem and stepping out of self allows him to live in trust and in the will of God. I would like to define these terms because I believe that when we accurately define a problem, we arrive at the solution. I understand guilt to be the healthy and appropriate feeling of discomfort I get when I have caused harm to myself or someone else. This is a built-in reminder for me to take ac...

The Steps removed shame and perfectionism, a deadly combination that blocked her from being vulnerable.   When I feel shame, I feel vulnerable.  The definition of vulnerability is “the inability to protect oneself from being wounded, attacked, or ridiculed.” The dictionary also mentions “a person in need of special care, support, or protection.”    

He experienced a transformation from SA that helps him see is true identity.  The Problem is not the problem! When I came to SA in 1999 due to personal, family and relational crises, my feelings were all over the place. I really did not have feelings except anger. I knew exactly what to do and how to quickly solve all the issues in my life and quickly get back to “normal” again, playing the game o...

Working the Steps on fear allowed her to take action under God’s guidance. I’ve been married for almost 50 years. My husband has been unbelievably cruel, but I’ve been afraid to leave. My biggest fear has been that I wouldn’t be able to support myself, that I’d be homeless. 

SA kepted him sober while therapy helped him heal from trauma and shame. My wife discovered my addiction for the first time before we were married. I promised if she gave me another chance, I would spend the rest of my life making it up to her. That turned out to be a lie. She discovered my addiction for the second time after I got myself into a legal situation. I sought professional help. Unfortu...

God removed her fear and replaced it with faith with works. My whole life, I’d been so bound by fear, I’d lost hope for freedom. Through working the Steps, a brilliant light at the end of a long, cold, and dark tunnel suddenly shone forth with a comforting warmth. At each step, however, fears continued to loom. Picking up the simple tool of a Fear-to-Faith inventory helped point me back toward God...

Fear prevented me from experiencing healthy guilt. Guilt tells me I have done wrong. Fear also prevented me from feeling healthy shame. Shame is a slight embarrassment that others may see my wrongs. But fear primarily stopped me from facing toxic guilt and toxic shame.

Dear ESSAY, I am an incarcerated person in California. In the past, several of my fellow incarcerated persons and I have held SA meetings on a regular basis, and I've actually had a sponsor before.  However, over the years, things have kind of fizzled out, and we no longer have our meetings, mainly due to members being dispersed throughout the system and some of the participants having been parole...

La Liberacion On the last Friday of every month, the SA group "La Liberación" in Bogotá joyfully celebrates the gift of sobriety. Each member is honored with a sobriety coin and a certificate—a powerful reminder of the journey we share. For us, it’s more than a celebration; it's a way to strengthen our culture of sobriety and encourage unity within our beloved group.    Grupo La liberación 

“He will show you how to create the fellowship you crave.” My name is Levi and I’m a recovering sexaholic in central Nebraska in the USA. I have been sexually sober since July 20, 2017. 

“He will show you how to create the fellowship you crave.” My name is Levi and I’m a recovering sexaholic in central Nebraska in the USA. I have been sexually sober since July 20, 2017.  I am a sexaholic of the hopeless variety. Prior to SA, I tried all sorts of religious exercises, accountability, internet filters and therapy. These helped me stop many times, but I could never stay stopped. I att...

A letter of experience, strength, and hope to encourage the Fellowship. Dear friends, There is a strong message that was recently shared in our West African SA fellowship. It comes from Tradition Five in the White Book, page 209: “Each group (SA meeting) has but one primary purpose—to carry its message to the sexaholic who still suffers.” There is a deep meaning in this Tradition.

A powerful practice that prevents him from reverting to his past ways. Today everything felt serendipitous. I met a couple who were splendiferous. Ladyewell, near Preston, a Holy Shrine. I met a couple who gladdened my mind.

She discovered the two things that make up her self-esteem. I learned very early that life was all about being a good girl, pleasing, being obedient and nice. I was being raised to be a good wife in the style of those days. My parents, of course, were blameless, giving me everything they knew to shape me as they had been.

SA taught him that letting go of guilt was not only okay, but necessary Fear and shame were awaiting my entrance into the world. My grandmother was harassed and bullied for her parents’ financial struggles, language, skin color, and country of origin. So she resolved to protect her children from the same fate by refusing to pass down her native language, traditions, customs, or history, and insist...

An elder member in SA helped him see that he was addicted to himself. “You’re the most arrogant [person] I have ever met!” Although a more colorful word was used instead of “person,” this statement still saved my life. 

His gratitude list was the hammer that crushed his guilt and shame. I didn’t think I was fearful. I was a strong, tough male who had gotten in fights before and played contact sports like football, hockey, and rugby. So I thought that I wasn’t afraid of anything. Then, after completing my Fourth Step fears inventory and talking to my sponsor, I realized and admitted that the fabric of my life was...

With his sponsor’s help, he learned to deal with shame and guilt.  As we persist, a brand-new kind of confidence is born, and the sense of relief at finally facing ourselves is indescribable (Twelve and Twelve 50). 

Peter shares in his article that initial guilt is a healthy response for him. However, shame and lingering guilt were very detrimental to his long-term recovery. He needed to understand how these harmed his recovery and what he could do to move out of guilt and shame as soon as possible—so that he could continue on his journey. 

She found the freedom to choose in sobriety. Sobriety is a gift that your wise decisions give you. Sobriety is not limited to stopping sexual relations with another person or with yourself—that is only the beginning. Sobriety is having sanity in the face of life. It is exercising the self-control that already resides within you, that was given to you by your Higher Power to choose between what is...

SA helped her see more clearly how she was holding herself back from healing fully. I haven’t taken much time as of late to consider the role that trauma plays in my consistent relapses. I was abused sexually by my father at 13, and I had sexually abusive relationships from ages 19-22. I entered SA in July of 2021 without realizing my last relationship had ended with me being sexually assaulted. T...

A reflection on 30 years of working the Program reveals a life worth living.  Thirty years ago today, August 8th, 1995, I walked into a church, sat down in a room full of strangers, and said: “My name is Bill and I’m…” Thirty years ago today, I started on a journey called Recovery.

Step Nine showed him how to proceed without putting himself down.  I am Tim, from Brussels. I discovered I am a sexaholic about two years ago. After a summer of destructive acting out, a painful rock bottom, and therapy, it became clear that I needed help from a 12-Step program. It was a great relief. I have been addicted to lust since my teenage years without knowing it. However, I was fascinated...