Crafting Solutions to Conflict

Matt Wesley joins me on the show today. We talk about his work with families, fostering resilience over generations. We discuss the concept of family culture, the power of grace, and the distinction between fate and destiny. You can learn more about his work and explore resources and writings at his company website: https://www.ascendfamilyadvisory.com/     Do you have comments or sugges...

Last time, I said a few words about the concept of “satisficing”.  Herbert Simon, a Nobel Prize winner for Economics, coined the term decades ago. It’s a combination of satisfy and suffice. It’s tempting to embrace maximizing – if I look long and hard enough, I will find the best possible option. But there is a cost. How does the concept of satisficing apply to conflict? Different ways. ...

Herbert Simon coined the term “satisficing” – a combination of satisfy and suffice. It’s easy to think that the best way to make decisions is to search for the very best option.  If we look carefully and take plenty of time, we will find it. This approach is called maximizing. Simon believed this was the wrong approach. Not necessarily obvious on the face of it. But he understood that the sea...

Jay Hughes returns to the show to talk with me about the new book he co-authored with Mary Duke and Stacey Allred, Family Flourishing: The True Meaning of Wealth. We talk about his abiding interest in wealth as well-being, some of his insights on history and philosophy, and practical ideas that any family can put into practice. Jay refers to the book Homo Ludens ( A Study of the Play-Element in Cu...

When we are in a situation that is mildly unsettling, a little dicey, possibly heading toward a nasty conflict, we can assume the worst about the other person, the situation, and/or ourselves. That assumption does not serve us well. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at  jb@dovetailresol...

Last time, I talked a bit about the meaning of the “attention economy”, a term coined over fifty years ago by Herbert Simon, a Nobel prize winner for economics. The idea is that human focus is a limited natural resource. From a conflict perspective, quick thinking rarely serves us well. So, what do we do? First, as with many things, recognize what is going on in ourselves. Second, once we are awar...

The “attention economy” is a term coined over fifty years ago by Herbert Simon, a Nobel prize winner for economics. The idea is that human focus is a limited natural resource. Speedy, reactive thinking is prioritized by our brains when we are exposed to it again and again. And rewarded, in a number of ways, for diving into it.  This type of thinking, reactive and not especially deliberate, patient...

Over time, I have come to see my podcast as a way to give back. Through my own content, I can share what I have learned so far. And I can continue to learn and to share even more.   My guests are … no one word sums them up. Insightful is the closest.  Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at  jb...

Rana Gujral joins me to talk about his book, The AI Instinct: The Future of AI and Human Decision-Making. We discuss whether we humans are paying attention to the right things when we consider our relationship with AI and whether our fear of what we don’t know gets in the way of that. We talk about challenge of cognitive drift, the problem of oracle worship, and what we forfeit with a loss of fric...

When we are stuck. At an impasse in a conflict. Or feeling that valued relationships are at risk of falling apart. Or paralyzed because we don’t know how to broach the topic that is percolating under the surface.  We can benefit from looking back, in order to move forward.  We have all heard that hindsight is 20/20. We can actually embrace that idea and use the advantage of hindsight to help us fi...

Sometimes, the idea of the journey and the destination can be taken too far. Better: when a group needs to make a decision, that decision-making process can be, if not as important as the ultimate decision, a profound influence on the interpersonal relationships. In a professional context, the best advisors are those who continue the journey to learn, grow, and evolve.  Do you have comments or sug...

Progress that is -- not “success”. It can be essential to focus on progress, instead of success – however success might be defined. Think about markers of progress. If we focus on progress, and not success, it can be easier to see positive signs. And seeing them can motivate anyone involved to continue working on the problem. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or q...

Polina Rabinovich Crottty joins me to talk about her journey from fairly traditional work in wealth management to her co-founding of Generations Aligned with Matthew Rezac, where they provide coaching, facilitation, retreats, and workshops for families where something is longing to shift.  We touch on how her early life experience, moving to the U.S. from Russia as the Soviet Union collapsed, info...

Flames suggest bad conflict, the destructive kind. Sparks suggest the good kind: the type that inspires creative thinking, effective collaboration, daring innovation.  Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at  jb@dovetailresolutions.com ! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator...

Different opinions, approaches, priorities, and expectations are exactly that: different. None is necessarily wrong. If a group starts out in agreement on the destination and the route, many small decisions remain. When a group finds itself dealing with those many decisions along the way, their decision-making process will likely determine their success or failure.  Do you have comments or suggest...

Kursten Faller joins me to discuss the book he co-authored with Alan Weiss, The Hidden Project Drivers”: Building Behavior that Drives Success.” We talk about creativity, innovation, and “optimizing friction”.You can learn more about Kursten from his LinkedIn profile and on his website: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kf-midgard/ and  https://kurstenfaller.com/ Do you have comments or suggestions abou...

Looking outward, it can be tempting to jump to conclusions about the unconscious bias we might assign to other people.  We can make assumptions about what we know about their upbringing, how they look, who they spend time with, where they live, what we think we know about them.  Better to resist that temptation. Unconscious bias can and does cause damage. A downward spiral where I assume the worst...

Mental shortcuts, such as bias, are essential to our survival. Understanding that unconscious bias is a mental shortcut makes it easier to examine it in ourselves, instead of simply rejecting the idea that we might harbor it. If it’s a moral failing, well, clearly, I don’t want to admit that possibility about myself.  If we are willing to look at ourselves, we can dig into what unconscious biases...

Interpersonal conflict can erupt unexpectedly. If it does, a firm foundation for the relationship can frequently prevent lasting harm from occurring.  People can find a way forward and not engage in earth-scorching behavior. And, often, interpersonal conflict is simmering for a while before it comes to a boil.  It may be tempting to pretend it’s not happening. Or to know it’s happening and decide...

David Hoffman joins me to talk about his most recent book, The Art of Impasse-Breaking in Mediation.  David is well known in the conflict resolution field and the recipient of numerous well-deserved honors and awards.  David takes us through the concept of impasse in mediation, an introduction to the Internal Family Systems (IFS) model, and insights on how we can recognize and more effectively dea...

It can feel easy to tote up the costs of having a difficult conversation about something important. It can seem overwhelming. It’s tempting to decide that we should just live with the status quo. We should add up the costs of doing nothing.  And then compare the costs.  Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution?...

The spaces we spend time in either stress or calm us. Or maybe they feel fully neutral. Our day-to-day setpoint in the environment where we live our lives sets us up for conflict prevention and resolution “readiness”.  We can easily overlook the environment we are in precisely because we live in it.  Taking a moment to step back and really think about the spaces we inhabit can help reduce stress a...

Sarah Walker joins me to talk about the role that our homes play in our day-to-day wellbeing. Sarah describes how interior design can support rest, focus, and recovery in our homes.  And we talk about planning for the evolution that families go through over time and how to plan spaces that will be welcoming to all generations, whether short-term visitors, permanent residents, and in-between.      ...

We’ve been encouraged to embrace active listening. Sure. But we need to be genuine, not engaging in actions or behaviors that aren’t ours.  It’s not helpful to adopt gestures that we have been told to use, yet feel foreign to us.        Not only do you run the risk that I will see through your acting, but some of your focus will be devoted to the acting – not to the actual listening.        What s...

Why quit while you are behind? Because if you continue the fight, you may dig a deeper hole for yourself. Possibilities for a small loss can become a bigger one when those with the upper hand become angry or frustrated. Because you may say or do things that brand you a sore loser. Because the sting of the experience can become greater for the other person without lessening your own pain. And if yo...