CORN DOWN Prank Calls

Well, this is a strange one. First call is about a hidden compartment housing a second beef patty, that’s normal. Second call is over half an hour of yelling at a man who says he reads books. You kinda have to hear it to understand. After that, wasted is having parking issues, and I’m trying to figure out what managers job duties are. It turns out their duties is to be a lifeguard. I t...

This one starts with classic lettuce separation. Classic. Next we try to get premium packaging for our burgers, such as chili containers, drink containers, or anything other than paper! We hide food, stash food, get food out of the dumpster, etc. ad nauseum. Really standard stuff, I can’t stress that enough. Somewhere in the first half I get hung up on humane treatment options, (of which the...

It’s a good ol’ fashioned Fish’n’Chips CORNDOWN, as we start strong with french fry themed calls and quickly discover the fun of dropping the fries. We also deal with The Manager of The French Fries (a potatoe), and dabble in finding a firm limit on dogs and skunks. As you can expect, this leads to doing insurance fraud with Wendy’s as your provider, for a variety of...

You ever had a Wendy’s cut your crust off without you asking? Because that’s exactly how this CORNDOWN starts. We also discover the buns don’t match; what with being top and bottom and all. Somewhere in there we received a failing grade on the app, but I still have no clue what we did wrong. This leads to some grass roots journalism, a couple of fish fry’s, and a old bread...

This episode of The CORNDOWN is straight goofy. It starts off with a bunch of goofy sandwiches and goofy fries and six diet cokes. According to wastedmemory, some of the goofy food was donated. I, however, won a bunch of free stuff from the Jamba Juice at the mall. This leads to discussion of the Big Arch sandwich, a little CIA nonsense, some scabs, and cryptic advice not to eat the sandwich. The...

In this episode of CORNDOWN, I start off trying to dress things up a little bit, which leads to several types of complaints about hats on burgers, with a bit of help from someone who sounds like whuppy. From there, we take our kids to watch employees eat at Arby’s, the New Manager Christopher gets some advice via whuppy, and wastedmemory shows up smelling like fish oil. As things close out,...

On this CORNDOWN, I keep hitting my head over and over on sandwiches, trying to explain how it happened while wastedmemory adds his own versions of the same kind of injury. That spills into acts of God, like dusty sandwiches, questionable chili, and sisters hogging nuggets, which naturally leads to more injuries and car trouble. In the middle we deal with stop signs, and wake-up calls that need to...

On this CORNDOWN, I get wrapped up in big talk about an oil tycoon and backing each other up, which then turns into arguments about what counts as inappropriate, especially when whuppy keeps jumping in to make it worse. From there I spiral into some deer/cat confusion, a litle hat theft, and we try to verify things that probably didn’t need verifying in the first place. There’s also a bit of...

On this CORNDOWN, I get locked in to drive-thru problems that go too far, starting with bathroom questions, fire trucks, and gold burgers, with wastedmemory jumping in for the old people. That turns into burgers that feel wrong in texture, color, and purpose, mixed with trust issues, eye contact that lasts too long, and me taking a dump in room 211. From there it’s mostly cars where they abs...

On this episode of CORNDOWN, I’m pausing orders and looking for warning signs, while whuppy jumps in with his own version of things. That turns into blood on shirts, in cups, in bags, and hotels with whuppy and Tifff adding to the confusion instead of cleaning it up. I’m also dealing with employee problems, strange bathroom details, paw prints, panic buttons, and questions about employ...

On this CORNDOWN, I start with string but the wheels come off fast and pieces get lost while wastedmemory keeps adding reasons it might be my fault. This includes food getting tied up and layered wrong, especially once ads and bootleg versions get involved. I get stuck on trying to leave places, returning ropes, and dealing with front desk problems that somehow get more cigarettes than answers, wi...

On this CORNDOWN, I keep coming back to a ziplock bag that somehow turns into individual nuggets and profits, and wastedmemory jumps in with a lesson on how to talk. That slides into a long stretch about fish and exactly how you’re allowed to kill fish before it becomes a problem, plus buckets, lobsters, and what counts as acceptable handling. From there I get hung up on shady payment issues, home...

On this CORNDOWN, I start with sticky food and an itchy leg that quickly turns into me repeatedly admitting I might have lice. That opens the door to a long run about bugs in hotels, blankets, feet, and personal bugs too, with wastedmemory making it worse by making multiple calls. Things briefly drift into yard tools, magic tricks, and a little dating advice. Later, we’re stuck trying to cou...

On this CORNDOWN, the first half is all about tires, popping them on purpose, swapping them with a spare, and never being done with it, with wastedmemory making the whole situation worse by adding to it. That eventually leads into food being up in places it shouldn’t be, particularly on faces, stuck whuppuy’s mouths, or causing swelling and bleeding, with whuppy and Tifff jumping in. From th...

On this CORNDOWN, I start with ice and lettuce. With wasted’s help we move to cheese problems that keep getting flipped, melted, or turned inside out. That leads into a run where burgers cause real-world damage such as breaking windows, messing up cars, closing bank accounts, and getting people fired. We keep pushing those ideas until they turn into audits, arguments, and mailing food when i...

On this CORNDOWN, I start on the idea of getting food as a gift, with wastedmemory jumping in transfering his customer status. That leads into sneezing from sandwiches, acting like an idiot, and getting hit with food for acting like an idiot. Things drift into late Christmas and replacement Santas as whuppy and wastedmemory both share different versions of what exactly that means. By the end, we&#...

On this CORNDOWN, we start with figuring out what actually makes a gift we like, and naturally get stuck on soap and blankets, with wastedmemory complicating it with directions from Tennessee. That turns into me tring to turn myself in for unclear reasons, losing track of where I am, and wondering if elevator shoes can come off. In the middle, we go through roughhousing, hidden gifts, parking lot...

On this CORNDOWN, I start with worrying my dog is going to choke, starting with a small curly, with wastedmemory piling on and making the situation sticky. That leads into a stretch about sandwiches and how they’re made, tracked, questioned, handed off, and sometimes hollow. All the while wastedmemory keeps raising new issues that don’t seem to help. I deal with a strange website dog that keeps re...

On this CORNDOWN we start with a stretch about flagpoles that spirals into access issues once wastedmemory jumps in. From there we move into phone use, online photos including people, and a long microwave stint that somehow turns into a serious issue with violent foil and pants. Wastedmemory discovers how hard turning fifteen thousand dollars is, and whuppy turns in the whole room. By the end, we&...

On this CORNDOWN, I start with a run of calls where I try to get people to guess my weight, while whuppy jumps in with his own twist on the “same pants” problem that plagues hotels. That pushes me to snap and leads to all kinds of smoking-the-hotel trouble and a short streak of pirate-themed nonsense before we drift into a long stretch about pillows. Taking pillows, pillow punishment,...

On this episode of CORNDOWN, I explore the idea of doing things in threes and spend some time trying to protect products, with whuppy and buccshot adding their own takes. We spend a lot of time estimating and assessing, which very naturally leads into things like potato hands and hotel transcripts. Totally normal, I promise. Towards the end, I do some Beyoncés, Tiff extracts crititical corporate e...

This episode runs on the same kind of chaotic mall-parking-lot energy as the others. There’s a cat hanging around outside, dad’s trying to go viral, and opting to believe bushes may be persons. There are private-investigator vibes, weird mouth problems, floating-in-water food, and a lot of DIYing that feels like someone is making up rules as they go. Teeth keep disappearing, multiplying, or...

On this CORNDOWN we start with arguing about whether we need emergency blankets or if regular ones work. I try to shave a few seconds off before we get weird with first aid kits, and whuppy gets in trouble for taking too long. A raccoon in a bag shows up, things get spooky and creepy, and I keep getting messed with on the phone even though I’m dry heaving. I aso get police statements for no...

On this CORNDOWN I run into disabled cars over and over, each one worse than the last, while whuppy tries to impose speed limits and ends up talking about Halloween bones. The whole thing drifts into being treated like vampires, spiders, goblins, etc. before we get stuck counting really high room numbers. Somewhere in there, arms get broken and my finger got ripped off at the drive-thru. wastedmem...

This CORNDOWN starts with me trying to report some accomplices to unwilling management, and whuppy uncovers a brown leather jacket man incident. Next I take a data dump or two and things get weird fast with loose files, Walmart bags, and papers being served back and forth like it’s a courtroom. There’s far too much milk, and far too few crackheads, with buccshot puffing away in the 420 zone while...