BE NOT AFRAID

Our story follows famous biblical narratives through a lens of satire and sci fi. In the highest heaven, there sits a recording angel, running a time-defying podcast. He is also an idiot. And if you are hearing him, this means that you are a prophet of the Lord. No pressure. Series content warnings: fond irreverence of holy scripture, swears, violence, sexual innuendo Scripts and more information:...

"Go at once to Nineveh, that great city, and proclaim judgment upon it; for their wickedness has come before Me. Jonah, however, started out to flee to Tarshish from GOD’s service." Episode content warnings: auditory hallucinations, perceived descent into madness, non-lethal choking, nudity, references to child endangerment, sexual innuendo, many eyed entities, manipulation, threats of t...

Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer. No, not that close. Welcome to the season finale! Episode content warnings: imprisonment, weird power dynamics, sexual content, smoking Series content warnings: fond irreverence of holy scripture, swears, violence, sexual innuendo Transcripts and more info: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠https://www.metatronspeaks.com Socials: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠https://twitter.com/bna_pod⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠...

Three shadows pass over the kingdom of Judea, and the game is up for the angel once thought to be a demon. Time is running out. King Solomon is asking the important questions. Episode content warnings: torture, mind control, gender discussions, mention of death, intense fear of isolation and loneliness Series content warnings: fond irreverence of holy scripture, swears, violence, sexual innuendo T...

Friends are made, information is shared, and eternal punishment is dealt. Episode content warnings: smoking, cringe conversations about flirting, imprisonment, friends pitted against each other, sudden crashing noise at 29:45 Series content warnings: fond irreverence of holy scripture, swears, violence, sexual innuendo Transcripts and more info: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠https://www.metatronspeaks.com Socials: ⁠⁠⁠⁠...

An angel, a djinn and a two headed demon walk into a forge. A king dreams of building a kingdom so magnificent that even the angels want to live there. Episode content warnings: slavery, torture Series content warnings: fond irreverence of holy scripture, swears, violence, sexual innuendo Transcripts and more info: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠https://www.metatronspeaks.com Socials: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠https://twitter.com/bna_pod...

Asmodeus is summoned from 700BC Assyria all the way to 900BC Judea, by none other than the famous King Solomon. The king has enslaved an army of demons in order to build his magnificent kingdom. Meanwhile, Enoch is struggling with the social interactions in Heaven... Episode content warnings: alcohol, smoking, (apparent) sudden death, mind control, slavery, torture Series content warnings: fond ir...

After the not-so-Great Flood, Noah finds an angelic stowaway. And on the same night, he experiences the reinvention of wine, the consequences of a certain catastrophy, and where the grass actually is greener.  Episode content warnings: trauma induced flashbacks, death, alcohol, religious blasphemy, mention of dead bodies as compost a.k.a. friends as fertilizer Series content warnings: fond irrever...

After a run-in with the god of death, a local man takes it on himself to prevent the cessation of all life. But he is running out of time, and who will believe him? It starts with bad weather, and ends with more questions.  Episode content warnings: mention of cannibalism, religious blasphemy, personification of death, death by drowning (not described), mild canon-typical gender confusion, some vi...

Yohana and Mamre continue their mission, on the run from archangel Michael. The entire host of heaven are preparing for what they think will be another War In Heaven. Satan has entered the chat. Episode content warnings: mention of cancer, but it magically goes away.  Series content warnings: fond irreverence of holy scripture, swears, violence, sexual innuendo Transcripts and more info: ⁠⁠⁠https:...

"Did God just order a heist on his own kingdom?" The Egyptian sorcerers, Yohana and Mamre, receive a strange divine request. They begin their journey through the radioactive seven Heavens, and a conspiracy begins to unfold. Episode content warnings: mention of death  Series content warnings: fond irreverence of holy scripture, swears, violence, sexual innuendo Transcripts and more info: ⁠⁠⁠https:/...

A malfunction in the Vortex of Events causes Enoch to be thrown blindly into a past memory. A messenger from God informs Enoch that he's been fired. Where else is there to go but Hell? Episode content warnings: graphic depiction of decapitated head, with visceral gore effects every time said head speaks. Mention of mass murder, violence, nudity, swarm of flies, implied BDSM. Series content warning...

The angels find Eden floating isolated in space. Seeing that God isn’t around, they host an extravagant party with all the host of Heaven and Hell. What could possibly go wrong? Episode content warnings: blood, head explosion, drowning, mass murder Series content warnings: fond irreverence of holy scripture, swears, violence, sexual innuendo Transcripts and more info: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠https://www.metatrons...

”BE NOT AFRAID! I will try to speak to you in a way that you will understand, using a human language of your current historical dialect. We first tried the method of just beaming our message directly into your minds, but we did not expect the absolute carnage as so many heads burst like old lightbulbs." Science is introduced to humanity too early, too quickly, as a group of angels fall in love wit...