Are You Relentlessly Resilient?

Life is going to give us ouches. Pain is part of life, but suffering is chosen. Pain often makes others uncomfortable. They feel for us and want to take away the pain. Or it makes them uncomfortable so they do anything and everything to shift the conversation, or the focus on your pain to something else, because they can't stand in their discomfort. Don't misunderstand me. We are all doing...

I saw a Facebook Reel today that made me laugh out loud so hard I was thankful I wasn't drinking coffee. It would have come out of my nose. It is riddled with foul language, and talks about the frustration of dreams taking too long to manifest. We've all been there, frustrated with life, recounting all the things we've done to make something happen and it doesn't. I don't do it...

There is a rhythm to accomplishment. You practice, do it, and let go of the outcome. Preparation is key to whatever it is that you want to do. We all know the heart palpitations and embarrassment of being unprepared. Then you do it - give a presentation, make a cold call, or lead a meeting or endeavor. Most of us, however, don't let go of the outcome. If what we do doesn't turn out the way...

I've been on hiatus for a couple of weeks. Lots of enormous life changes, doors closing, friendships changing or ending, and LOTS of uncertainty. I'm figuring out what's next, and for months the path forward has been fuzzy. Now, things are slotting into place. Like a jigsaw puzzle the picture of what's next is emerging as piece by piece things fall into place. Sitting in the discom...

Sometimes life delivers a low blow we are not expecting. And when it does, we have a choice - become a victim or victor. Choosing your reaction is crucial. I will NOT be a victim and claiming my power and agency and not giving into self pity and helplessness gives me a sense of empowerment and certainty. I will not allow this experience to make me bitter, only better. What choices are you making w...

High standards are a sign of excellent self-esteem. But sometimes our standards are so high they are unattainable or unsustainable. Insisting on perfection or using perfectionism as a way to control life, our actions, or the actions of others, is counterproductive. Sometimes we need to give ourselves and others a break both literally and figuratively. Taking a break, pausing for a moment and conne...

Today I had an extraordinary experience. I got to see Big Boy, the world's largest steam locomotive as it traveled from Denver to Greeley - part of the 250th anniversary of the founding of the USA. When I heard the train was going to pass through Denver, I knew I wanted to see it. I invited a friend to join me. We traveled north to Commerce City and joined a throng of people gathered trackside...

Yesterday (Friday) was a particularly busy day for me. When I woke up this morning, I realized I hadn't created a podcast and I'm committed to getting them out on Wednesdays and Fridays. Rather than beat myself up about not following through, I chose to get 'er done. Far too often we let our need for perfection thwart our progress. AND, getting something done "messy" doesn&#3...

Yes, today is my birthday. My best birthday gift today? The gift of being consistently consistent. It's obviously a gift I'm giving to myself, like the gift of keeping my promises to myself and fearlessly embracing the challenge of change. I can't imagine spending my life committed to maintaining the status quo. Yet there were decades of my life that I spent trying to keep things the s...

Are you waiting for permission to do something? What would happen if you gave yourself that permission? This week I stepped waaaaayyyyyyyy out of my comfort zone and did two powerful things. I gave myself permission to ask for help and I gave myself permission to share with a respected friend a proposed change was not something with which I was comfortable and to ask for clarification. Did I have...

Sometimes we don't recognize our cup is empty. I was fortunate recently to take a trip to Montana to visit friends. Only then, when surrounded by people who love me and support me through thick and thin, did I realize how empty I was. A recent full parole board hearing for one of my husband's killers took place on Friday of last week. There was not an immediate decision and all weekend, I...

You're making changes and things are going well, until they're not. Understanding the process of change means embracing setbacks and reframing them as setups for success. If you're like me, you think you have to have everything thought through and planned for every possible contingency before you start. You can't possibly do that because there will be curveballs you can't possi...

I recently read a blog post by my friend Gregory Russel Benedict about not being willing to suck at something new.  The article really resonated with me because we almost always suck when we do something for the first time. The key is to be willing to be bad before you can be good.  When I taught piano, I hated teaching adults.  They expected to be able to play well instantly. Becoming accomplishe...

I'm doing a deep dive on change and the challenges it presents. I'm writing a book about it! "Launch Your New Life - Embracing the Challenge of Change will be finished by August and available in September. We resist change, even though it's inevitable. There is a biological reason for this. Our nervous system perceived change as a threat, and, perhaps, a life threatening threat. A...

Ready for a change? To increase your odds of success, prepare. Making a change obviously requires us to change. But most people secretly want to stay the same, but have the outcome that change brings. Lose 20 pounds but still eat anything you want. Save more money but keep your current spending habits. The key is to take small consistent steps towards implementing that change. I have a friend who...

Listeners know I am a student of change and resilience. When our efforts begin to pay off, are we ready for the change that success brings? I am starting to see things I've been working on for years start to come to fruition. It's exciting. It's terrifying at the same time. Why? Because in order to receive that success, I have to leave the part of me that believes I'm not worthy, o...

Fractures in our lives are not failures. They are the cracks through which wisdom can appear. I live at the top of a mountain and can see where a tiny pine tree seed found a spot of dirt in a crack in a rock and decided to grow. Were the conditions ideal? Of course not. Did that stop the seed from growing? No, over time the growing tree forced the crevice to open. I'm writing a new book "...

Every great story of overcoming features a Dark Night of the Soul, a descent into the Underworld, a reckoning with our shadow side and a re-emergence. When we are in the darkness, we can't see what's happening. We feel lost, vulnerable, and defeated believing this is our lot in life and it will not change. I spent several months in that dark place. Externally, you never would have realized...

This week was a tough week for me. I had a big disappointment which you'll hear about in the podcast. It was an opportunity to feel the disappointment and the anger, acknowledge it, and move on. Wallowing in disappointment wastes time and energy. Feel it, experience it, but don't get stuck in it. If you've done all you can do, if the situation is out of your control, surrender the disa...

If you're like me, there are times in life when I fight harder for my limitations than I do for my strengths. The transition I'm experiencing in my life right now, is HARD. And my internal dialog blindside me and deliver a TKO I didn't even see coming. That's why paying attention to what we're telling ourselves and what we're thinking is soooo important when life is throwin...

Is something that happens to you good or bad? It depends on your perspective. Hard things that happen may lead us to one of our biggest breakthroughs. When we honestly examine how we react or respond to something, we find that we have the ability to react differently. But our brains are designed to conserve energy and change takes effort. So we default to familiar, well-established habits of think...

Why do we expect ourselves to be experts at things we've never done before? I wish I knew. Yet so many of us hold us to a standard when doing or trying something new that we would never hold for someone else. Several friends have children who are graduating from high school this month. Navigating the unknown of what life looks like after their children leave is a source of mixed emotions. The...

When life changes are accelerating, we can feel completely overwhelmed. But living life by design instead of default, provides a clear direction. Yet we often feel like we have no control over what happens. That's a lie. We always have a choice (although we may not like the choice.) For those of us in our latter years of life (I will be forever young) time is more precious than ever. Where are...

What is the purpose of pain? Pain lets us know that something is wrong or out of alignment. When we avoid pain, we actually prolong it. Of course experiencing pain is unpleasant but the only way out is to go through it. The biggest lie about pain is we believe it will go on forever and we may make choices based on that belief. In my experience, even the most profound pain lessens after three days....

Endings and beginnings are part of life. We can look forward to beginning something new - a job, a relationship, an adventure. But each beginning also means something is ending. And endings can be painful. We often try to avoid the grief that comes with endings. But you can't. It catches up with you one way or another and allowing yourself to feel the hurt helps you heal. I'm allowing myse...