Ain't Talkin' 'Bout Van Halen

Greetings upon greetings to all VH-loving speaker systems everywhere! Yes it's that time again for another issue of your _(insert number here)_st / nd / rd / th favourite Van Halen podcast that’s out there on the digital broadcast cyberhighway! Now we do like sailing along in our relationship with you dear listener, but like any good relationship it's important to spice things up every now and aga...

Ahoy there, dear listener! Your audio pals Steve & Ross are back casting pods around Lake Internet and reeling them in to bring you a review of their latest catch — The Collection II! And to pursue this totally random angling analogy a little further; there's nothing fishy going on when such a treasure trove of previously unreleased Sammy-era VH treasures are released into the wild and served...

Podderers! Podbods! OnlyPoddyFans! Seeeeee!! As promised, it's not been an eternity of decades since the previous episode has it! Say what you like about this poddington-pod (and if you've ever read our reviews you'll know that some people certainly do) but we are true to our word... as long as we don't have to sign anything official that legally binds us to it of course. And we're proper delighte...

We listened, dear Listener!  Yes, after spending thousands upon thousands on expensive podcast focus groups we listened to the feedback... and after kindly giving the world's ears a deserving year and a half's rest from our nonsense – WE'RE BACK – to broadcast more flights of fancy from the Van Halen chopper! Well, a news broadcast to be precise. Since it's been so long, there sure is a heck of a...

Greetings most excellent listener! Ohhh hang on, you’ve got your angry face on…. Yes yes, you have every right to be annoyed – downright irate in fact. But if you’re gonna blame anybody for the almost-a-year delay between episodes, blame nature…. Steve + Ross went into hibernation last October, and one of the bears in their colony annoyingly (and rather typically) forgot to put the alarm on. And w...

It was probably the legendary Freddie Mercury who put it best... "One man. One goal. One mission. One global lockdown. One replica guitar. One work station. One spray can. ONE VISION." Er, it went something like that anyway…. The point is, without knowing it, Lord Mercury coincidentally and unwittingly predicted the future project of Mr. Steve Reekie – talented guitarist and friend of the ATBVH po...

SUMMON THE DEVILS! AWAKEN THE DEMONS! DILUTE THE SPIRITS! WE ARE BACK! So after reading a random article about wild bears and the benefits of annual hibernation, Steve and Ross return from a refreshingly deep January to August sleep (off-grid in a bunk bed in the woods) to bring you a brand new episode of ATBVH! And as a special reward for waiting around this long, dear listener… we’ve veered off...

If you're in a band that exists purely because of Van Halen AND you have a longstanding podcast about the band, THEN you have your debut album coming out, what do you do?! Well, you hope the fans of the show will get stuck in and listen as Ross and Steve go through the album track by track! We're talking Ross' band Cheap Meat, and their Debut Album People Are The Worst! It's a big un! From Robert...

Season's Tidings this Christmas Eve, dear listener! On the (day before the) first day of Chrimbus, your true loves (Santa Steve & Ross Claus) bring to you another audio issue of their (semi) annual ATBVH Holiday Special – recorded remotely from the soundproofed nest of their rock n' roll pear tree! Yep that's right, the boys are dinging and donging merrily on high once again, and using a magni...

Right Now, you're listening to our Van Halen podcast. Right Now we're all thinking about Eddie. Right Now, the world is still in shock. Right Now feels appropriate to park our usual nonsense and buffoonery. Right Now we're paying tribute to the great man's life and work instead. Right Now, you're hearing Steve and Ross trying hard to juggle paying their respects and still be kind of entertaining a...

Greetings and socially distanced, fully sanitised elbow fistbumps to you dear listener! Yes, your friendly neighbourhood Van Halen podcasters are back in the digital saddle and galloping towards you with another audio issue of nonsense! Although things have been better... Steve has just tried to open a bank account at a branch that doesn't exist, and Ross is having NASA-esque levels of technical p...

GREEEEEETINGS DEAR LISTENERS! Ok, ok... don’t be mad that it's been EIGHT ACTUAL MONTHS since our last pod-based broadcast... The thing is, unfortunately and until very recently, we've been trapped genie-style inside a Sammy Hagar Cabo Wabo tequila bottle. We were slurring our words so badly whilst drinking that we accidentally cast a dark spell on ourselves that sucked us inside and it took so ve...

What do you get when you’ve two of the smartest minds in podcasting? Well, belated and sporadic episodes for a start (sorry again dear listener) BUT you also get hosts of a Top 60 comedy podcast in Finland (this is not a drill!) AND... um... er... um... you get an album skipped too... ! Yep we admit it, so dazzled have we been by Dave’s solo offerings that we totally missed out an album! ‘DLR Band...

As promised standard album review services have resumed, dear listener(s)! That can mean only one thing....Good Times! These are the good times! Leave your cares behind! David Lee Roth has undoubtedly been trying to do that, after getting nicked by the rozzers in New York. Why? For not washing his mouth out with soap enough! That's right folks, it's time for 'Your Filthy Little Mouth’!Aaaaaaah......

Goodness us, Dear Listener! What can we say but bestow our humblest apologies... it's been an age – an ice (cream man) age! SooOoo long in fact, that actual new VH-based news has surfaced of late and is occurring “riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight NOW.” So we’ve veered off the usual album-review highway and stopped off at the nearest cheap motel to devote an entire episode to ‘New VH/Roth/Hagar News’ – complete...

We've been making a list, checking it twice, now come and find out if you've been naughty or nice! You guessed it... it's the Ain't Talkin' 'Bout Van Halen Christmas Special! Wolfgang's roasted (ie. burnt) the chestnuts by an open fire, Michael Anthony's nipping at your nose and Eddie and Alex have eaten all the Celebrations but left all the Twix's. Typical. Never fear, festive cheer is near! Chri...

"Bye Bye Vai...!Oi, Tuggle! Bissonette Brothers! Rocket! Get over here!" "Seems like it's only a few of us here, Dave..." "Ha! A Little Ain't Enough!""Sounds like a good name for an album in 1991, boss.""YOU’RE DAMN RIGHT!!!"Grunge, so much grunge... all over poor DLR’s spandex. So better start shooting videos in black and white to hide those pesky Seattle coffee stains, Dave. Meanwhile, Mr. Tuggl...

Give me a surfboard! Give me a boxing ring! Give me bass turned very low in the mix and while you're at it could you make sure this album sounds as exactly like the era it was recorded as possible? Build it low? Absolutely not, it's time to talk.... Skyscraper! OU812? Don't mind if I do! It's 1988 – David has been touring the world, meeting up with ex-producers in coffee shops, taking umbrage with...

Lights! Camera! Cancelled?! Troubles a foot in paradise... we're going to need spandex, a Scientologist and that fella with a handle in his guitar. We might be a while folks, it's time to Eat 'Em and Smile! It's 1985. David Lee Roth has fully found his true calling and as Pasadena's answer to Steven Spielberg. It's time to take those 3 and a half minute videos to feature length. It's like Spielber...

If David Lee Roth calls, is it really a conversation? Is that a Beach Boy? Is it Christopher Cross? Where’s the top of my hat? It must be the weather, we’re going Crazy from the Heat! It’s 1984, the Van Halen brothers are back at the ranch. Ted Templeman’s been called up for the England squad. DLR is wearing ski goggles indoors and starting a TV show. We’re in New York, we’re in California, we’re...

Zilch! Zip! Nil Points! Buckle up listeners! We're off in our DeLorean and while you're at it, bring a calculator... and you know what – bring your maths homework too! 1 minus 1? Easy peasy... hold on, is this a middling analogy? That's right listeners! We're talking about the magical 1976 demo 'Zero'!Poor Mrs. Van Halen's not getting a minute's rest from the constant tongue wagging of Gene 'The T...

It can be difficult in these modern times...Who to turn to? Who to trust? Is this fake news? No, no, no, dear listener. This is ‘A Different Kind of Truth’!It's 2012 — the year of the London Olympics. A failed attempt to get into the US Squash Court team can mean only one thing. Time for Wolfgang to wrangle up the brothers Van Halen for their first album with David Lee Roth in... well, since Wolfi...

Lights! Camera! No.. wait! This is audio only! Press record! Press Record! Oh Cripes, it's in Japanese! What do I do?! Welcome to Tokyo Dome Live in Concert! The year is 2013, Alex, Eddie and Wolfgang Van Halen have been routing through the deepest darkest corners of their Big Yellow Storage Space, old demos fly across the room, live outtakes are deemed not good enough. But wait! We've a plan... A...

A Live Album! A Live Album? Who knows! Can you tell? That’s right, it’s Live: Right Here, Right Now! Hey! Who’s that there sniffing? David Lee Roth? Can you see Sammy and the gang are busy! No we’re not doing a greatest hits album! Haven’t you heard of a thing called MOMENTUM?! Okay, fine, we’ll do a live album. Can we re-record nearly the whole thing afterwards? Strange request.. but sure! Not a...

Holes in the squash court... samurai hair... capri pants strewn all over the shop... it's 2004! It's the Best of Both Worlds! Sometimes you just want to get back in a familiar saddle. Sometimes you've got to make sure your bass playing pal comes along for the ride. Does he still have a mullet? Flippin' 'eck! Is it the mid-naughties now? No matter what the reason may be, The Red Rocker isn't taking...