Acting Truths

What does it mean to get what I want?

These are my notes and reflections on "Understanding Trauma", session 1 of Returning to Wholeness: A Guide to Understanding and Integrating Trauma, a 12-Lesson online course with Gabor Mate.

Desire inventory is a practice where one starts a timer for a certain amount of time (10 minutes for example). Once the timer is started one writes one's desires one at a time. I prefer to write it in this format "I desire [INSERT] because I want to feel [INSERT]. One keeps on going until the timer goes off at the end. Optionally one can write at the end "Dear God I wish to have these desires met...

Part 5 of a series where I read the book  "An Immanent Metaphysics" written by Forrest Landry and share with you my thoughts and reflections as I read and link it to whatever else I'm reading, thinking, or experiencing in my life at that moment. In a way, I'm taking you along on with me on my learning journey of the text.

Part 4 of a series where I read the book  "An Immanent Metaphysics" written by Forrest Landry and share with you my thoughts and reflections as I read and link it to whatever else I'm reading, thinking, or experiencing in my life at that moment. In a way, I'm taking you along on with me on my learning journey of the text.

Reading an entry from my desires journal dated 2 January 2016.

ľm grateful for the immanent perceiver perceiving the perceived as is ungarnished by story, meaning, purpose innate & cognate precedes cognitive & conative pain is not suffering when the steak makes me salivate not the sizzle of hot media's bling bling native beauty of the felt sense fuzzy rich unyielding pleasure when it clicks inside deep mysterious always new ha! a-ha! hahaha laughter t...

I'm grateful for the unfolding realities happen in the rightness of their times layers of becoming slowly exposed at each revealing striptease of being truth is to uncover recover what's beneath surfaces bubbling of what lies underneath surfacing of hidden skeletal details patterns of forms she holds my tiny hand as the other trace spirals in the sand sound of waves announcing the receding tide th...

I'm grateful for touch a felt sense of human warmth palms, forearms, elbows glide through my aromatic oiled body letting go with each out-breath opening inviting in the other to come in feel their way through the body electric push through soften dissipate accretions of past hurt intense encounters of the unwelcome kind unexpected sudden slamming against the unbending will of the real there is hea...

I'm grateful for double binds intractable, unsolvable, irreducible the poverty of context deprecates slip knot of Athens' pesky gnat nibbles at the adjacent possible dialogue is prologue to knowing who am I who you are us two us them, the bigger we no one's special each one ordinary yet all take part in super complex realities worlds of magic in the dreaming soaked in our bones living the thing is...

I'm grateful for the liminal not quite there yet but on the way terse interstices undisciplined discipline crayons crossing lines Iitany of fear feel to steer stir the pot spot stripes in savannah keep walking though I don't wanna in nook of crevasse rebirths man child ego dissolves in the vast plant medicine never mild viruses burrow in replicate with the intricate grok that which has never been...

I'm grateful for focus to notice one's noticing watch the watcher spritz the spritzer one zeroed in binary thinking where's the linking? scratch the inkling catch the winking metanoia of metamoderna derivé of the derivative tournament of detournement how far is the fetched? pester the spectacle society of shiny too eager to tear down Chesterton's fence amnesia of wisdom out of sequence thirsty for...

I'm grateful for discernment to pick one from the many the magpie who sings knows which to peck on from multitudes hiding in the rich soil grass, pebbles, sticks, dried leaves petals, cap, gills, annulus, stalk the rooster knows when to crow leaves when to grow, wither, and fall panther eats enough not much more each kill with grace and elegance her movements art poetry in motion in shock prey who...

I'm grateful for silent soliloquy mind traverse used, disowned, alternative futures that which aligns with survival change that is social, glacial, at times inimical   what uses have we for these cosmos honours not our tenure to be in flow with what changes that is what endures step into the river one cannot twice not even once the one who steps is changing the river is changing change is cha...

I'm grateful for the rational that which enhances survival neocortex makes their case, grovels to basal ganglia who colanders overwhelmed by immediacy can blind to orders up from secondary to bind with practice allows one to see, know, be, beyond train to be with the strain use pain for antifragile gain face the elephant in the brain to fool one's self is the easiest sugar, caffeine, likes, retwee...

I'm grateful for the irreducible crucible of parts congenially congealed there is much more in the concatenated whole information, the entropy of communication Maxwell's demon cannot know it all where in a flower can beauty be? dissected spiracle, thorax, mandible excised uncompounded five eyes squandered miracle de-tangled amegilla cingulata cannot bee taste of salt is everywhere in the sea lives...

I'm grateful for human alchemy enraptured epistemologies stochastic, probabilistic, ontic young & wild reasoned child now through a looking glass recursive reflections knowing in part the fullness of perfection pulls forked at each branching of being drink the witches' brew rich, bitter, melodic, painful fear I must let it pass through only a human can endure sacrifice present for future salic...

I'm grateful for boundaries walking the tightrope of satisfaction & wanting more mastery & frustration dynamic demarcations of yes's and no's a perennial perhaps curious tongue savouring umami of unknowns bittersweet defeats salty surrender souring sympathies spicy speculations to feel what's alive in the other gracious respect with their no's thankfully taking what is given in fullness of...

I'm grateful for dissolution disillusion deconstruction to fray tapestry at the edges unravel untangle rip to shreds a pretext, a context for a reweaving, a rebirth willful warp & woof find in the rubble of sacked temples cornerstones, key pieces, salutary structures rebuild brick by brick perhaps build anew a never been weathered rocks cobbled together with distinct sheen who am I without a n...

I'm grateful for the gestalt total from particulars knowing at once instinctual photons array beams of light impressive images emerge from pointillist marks some Higgs Bosons, a few quarks to keep you off track what do you see? an old hag or a fancy young lady? a glass from Chablis or faces about to kiss? holographic holons more is different symbol exceeds referent beyond eyes that see ears that h...

I'm grateful for post-traumatic growth a tree grows around its wounds shattered teacups mended in fullness of zen attended bound back together with gold, it comes gilded angels released from rock only with Hephaestic hammering violent chiselling pearls born of sandy inside attacks oppressive pile on graphite's soft sable, dark soot deftly delivers durable clarity, crystalline diamonds the adept fi...

I'm grateful for co-dependence betwixt organisms & with one another gestalt baroque of filigreed functions that further more is different roses grow thorns frustrate ruminants gagging a chew on their bush bodies that they may grow & blossom release fragrance & hues to colour hearts of impassioned lovers nectar for bees pollen for the Mrs trees witness human foibles breath in to resurre...

I'm grateful for the distributed weight, counterweight punto, contra punto impact hits it ripples through widely in space/time's fabric no, not simply equal a miserly measure of man rather congruent nature's embarrassment of riches symmetry of asymmetries asymmetry of symmetries functions link unlink feedback feedforward autopoietic agents feed each other's hunger the seen born in a bang swirling...

I'm grateful for the human body sinewy sinusoidal waveform of immanent incarnation upright, always on point losing balance vulnerable ventral exposed clothed by ingenuity habiting harnessed habitats Anthropos conquers scene corrupted by cunning ravage reservoirs of million years the sin of extincting rewild I shake off the matrix no to mad planning fiat cannot see what's in bursts of sprinting per...

l am grateful for the silence in meditation a ceasing of persistent me allows the avatar to come down, interpenetrate at a point where doing meets being a crossroad where the finite comingles with the infinite ripening of fruit in complete surrender so it may become full & heavy drop effortlessly back into the soil, be eaten ripped apart, torn asunder so it may commune once more with the forml...