Absolutely Not

On this episode, Heather is recording straight from a pool house in Mallorca—armed with nothing but her phone, a questionable Wi-Fi signal, and enough acid reflux to ignite a small fire. She’s giving us a mid-vacation dispatch packed with thoughts on travel etiquette, her ongoing battle with GLP-1, and a passionate tribute to the unsung pop legacy of Brooke Hogan. Plus, a quick tour update and a r...

On this replay of the pod from almost exactly 3 years ago, we get Heather fresh off her extra long honeymoon. While she should feel refreshed, renewed and wildly in love- she is lucky to not be in an italian jail cell after clearly spending too much time with her new husband, Jeff. She breaks down the importance of communication, how much wine she drank every day at lunch and her plans to do it al...

On this episode, Heather welcomes the one and only Robin McMahan to the studio. Robin is back from Portugal with a group of fabulous older women and bestows some advice before Heather's trip. They discuss the infamous EGG HAT, European Zara’s and the price of seabass. They obviously go into Robin’s dating dilemmas. They take your voicemails about boomers, summers at Chateau McMahan and the amount...

On this episode, Heather is in LA and welcoming her favorite bitch, Jackie Schimmel, who is about to head out on her own tour- Dim the Lights. They discuss how we all need to zoom out, berating each other's husbands, and social boundaries. Jackie takes Heather down on her unsolicited kindness to strangers while Heather then gets to the bottom of why Jackie didn’t join us on the cruise.  Episo...

On this episode, Heather is on the up and up after the events of the last few weeks. She chats about how turtles and cardinals are now showing up as signs, what it was like 100 years ago, and how she plans to spend her time in Europe. While her life may be hectic right now, she turns to your voicemails to bring her back to reality. She hears about Louisiana gay uncles, how comfortable people have...

On this episode, Heather is back in the Atlanta studio after a very stressful and eventful week. Definitely feels like she can't get her neck above water and brings you along her insane days. She relives her experience at the emergency vet that could rival The Pitt, getting her pap on her anniversary, and receiving a very special gift that may be light at the end of a very long tunnel. She then ta...

This week, we're pulling another classic episode out of the archives for the newcomers. This one features one of the wildest voicemails we've heard yet, a mom having to break the holy water out for her daughter, and a surprise cameo from Robin. Episode Sponsors: Start paying rent through Bilt and take advantage of your Neighborhood Benefits™ by going to joinbilt.com/absolutely . Go to Quince.com/a...

On this episode, Heather welcomes her friend from the internet Tinx to the pod after they both separately went to Beyonce the night before! They question why they have never met up for a 3 martini lunch and why finance bros get to enjoy them all the time. They connect on being pulled in too many directions and how they should start the Artist Way this summer. With an overdue book proposal, He...

On the episode, Heather is fresh off her NYC takeover—including a memorable night at The Beacon. Now she’s back in her basement, recording old-school style and fighting off whatever funk the universe sent as a reminder to sit down and reset. She’s booking check-ups, trying new beauty hacks, and figuring out what’s going on with her wonky wrist. Plus, she shares her run-in with cosmetic consultatio...

On this episode, Heather is back in NYC and welcomes two cruising hussies to the pod. Andrea and Anna are hosts of their own pod Big Wigs but are famously known for their impressions.  They chat about how they met, the cruise, their favorite Boar’s Head meats, and being related to a serial killer. We also get a surprise appearance from two of their favorite Calabasas characters. Episode Spons...

On this episode, Heather welcomes Kelsey Cook to the podcast studio. Kelsey is another fabulous comic that is on tour and has released her new special, Mark Your Territory. They connect on never being to Coachella, the similarities of boomers and millennials, survival jobs and where they stand on Crumbl cookies. Kelsey also finds out that she is actually another race because she is a red...

On this episode, Heather is in the studio after a big weekend performing at her home theatre - The Fox. She chats about how doing a show at home can be more stressful than any other cities and how the acquaintances come out of the woodwork to get those free tickets. She tries to relax on Sunday by putting out all her lawn furniture for the summer but the heat index had other plans. She is excited...

On the episode, Heather is feeling nautical (and musical) in a fully bedazzled ship captain’s hat. She has some hot takes on the newly appointed American pope and shares some of the gifts she received on the cruise. She dives into Robin’s controversial stance on why dining out on Mother’s Day is an absolute no and then provides advice to your voicemails about breakups, cocktails, and short skirts....

On the episode, Heather is home for a few days and back in the Atlanta studio.  She has been enjoying her few days at home, before it’s back on the road. She goes over how Robin’s trip to Portugal has been going and how her own show in Chicago went. She takes on the voicemails to find probably the #1 absolutely not of all time.  Can this be the one? Episode Sponsors: AG1 is offering new...

On this episode, Heather is taking it old school and recording live from a hotel room in Miami. No, she isn’t still on the cruise, she is back to working girl life as a corporate girlie. She gives the cruise recap from her perspective and how emotional it made it. She also chats about another milestone-reaching 1 million miles on Delta. She wraps it up with more cruise voicemails from cr...

On this truly iconic episode, Heather is coming to you live from the Absolutely Knot cruise.  She has a live audience on the deck and two guests to bring you all the on board updates and of course, Absolutely Not’s.  If you have all the fomo, you will not want to miss this one. Episode Sponsors: Our favorite cookware set will save you $150 versus buying the items individually. Plus, if y...

On this episode, Heather is physically on the cruise, but has brought you a Master’s recap prior to boarding the ship.  She chats about her time at the Par 3, trying to be everyone else’s photographer, and of course the coveted merch haul. She also has a message for the millennial white women's fashion choices. Episode Sponsors: Go to Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to...

On this episode, Heather is back with Rosebud Baker for a light pregame just in time for The Absolutely Knot Cruise. Rosebud chats about her relationship, becoming a mom, and taking her comedy in a new direction this time around on tour. They also drop some piping hot takes on the Real Housewives and give the scoop on their upcoming cruise shenanigans. It's been a long road and the ladies are at B...

On this episode, Heather is back in Atlanta after a great show in Raleigh and then being a guest on Adam Ray’s Dr. Phil Live in Atlanta. Like everyone else, she has been attacked by the insane pollen that is plaguing the south, but she is rejoicing with some amazing news she received this past week!  She gets back to the voicemails from all of you! Episode Sponsors: Nutrafol is offering our l...

On this episode, Heather welcomes Boho Britt and Amber from Salty Locks Extensions and Studio 285. Heather believes that being close to your glam team is one of the most important things you can cultivate and these two sisters have truly become part of the family. They chat about a ChatGPT boyfriend, catchphrases and even quantum physics. They are two business baddies that will also be joining the...

On this episode, Heather is back in Atlanta after a fantastic weekend of birthday shows in the DMV. She had a hell of a time celebrating her 38th with the shows at Capitol One Hall and partying with her friends there. She makes a plea for Tatte to come to Atlanta. She discusses how the vibes are in DC and explains who her new favorite southern auntie Doctor is. She takes your voicemails about burn...

On this episode, Heather is back in Atlanta and taking some time for herself after having a small breakdown on International Women's Day. She is changing her attitude and putting positive energy towards her goals. She recaps the end of her week at the Today Show and the hard sleep on her flight to LA that has caused her to spiral.  She takes on the voicemails and provides her best advice on h...

On this episode, Heather is in the NYC studio with comedian Sam Morril. Sam is currently touring the US with his own “Errors Tour”. Heather and Sam get into life on the road as touring comics. Sam has chosen to ride on a sleeper bus and eat halal, but just like Heather has back issues and also loves a steakhouse and a martini. Episode Sponsors: Right now, ABSOLUTELY NOT listeners can save 30%...

On this episode, Heather is in NYC to co-host the Today Show and so excited to give you a behind the scenes look into the start of her week with Jenna Bush Hager. We find out who her work crush is at the studio and how she took Jenna out on the town to a gay country bar. She also touches on the previous week in Iowa where there was a missed connection or a case of mistaken identity at a Walgreens...

On this episode, Heather is in Vegas for The Bamboozled Tour and is coming to you live from her hotel room at the Venetian.  She also welcomes her writing partner and special director, Jen Zaborowski, to the pod.  They chat about Jen coming out on the road and how a tour stop in Vegas just hits different. They discuss barrel vs boot cut jeans, Glen Powell, Hollywood parties and who will...