Absolute Cuts With Mark Nelson & Ryan Cullen

"It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again" Episode 123 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1991 liver eating, jizz flinging, Buffalo Billing classic The Silence Of The Lambs. Ryan and Mark talk about Epstein island photographers, sleeping in an airport and why this film makes Jodie Foster out to be the sexiest woman alive.   Please get in touch...

"You can't handle the truth" Episode 122 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1992 Code Red-ing, softball bat thinking, Guantanamo Bay-ing,  classic A Few Good Men. Ryan and Mark talk about smelling your clothes, Netflix almost broadcasting a snuff film and whether murdering a Marine is ever okay.  Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what gu...

"P-A-R-T-Y? Cos I GOTTA" Episode 121 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1994 red dress smouldering, wolf whistling, Cuban Pete-ing classic The Mask. Ryan and Mark talk about how pathetic Andrew Tate is, getting a hair in your mouth and why The Mask is the villain of this film. Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what guests you'd like to s...

"I steer a little bit, but the reindeer do most of the work" Episode 120 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2022 Santa vomiting, hammer wielding, chimney disembowling classic Violent Night. Ryan and Mark discuss Cullen's Dad committing crimes, the worst possible death imagineable and why Santa has a bigger kill count than most movie characters. Please get in touch...

Here you go Cuts. The best of all the episodes so far. Our funniest clips so far as chosen by our wonderful patreons.    Apologies for our absence. This is due to circumstance massively out-with our control. All will be explained.    Mark and Ryan will be back next week with the last of your Christmas specials VIOLENT NIGHT and a patreon only episode where we tackle the classic BONE ALONE.

"Merry Christmas. Shitter was full" Episode 119 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1989 tree felling, sled crashing, cat frying classic National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. Ryan and Mark discuss Mick McCarthy, why some kids shouldn't get Christmas presents and how Clark W Griswold is the horniest movie Dad. Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the pod...

"PUT THE COOKIE DOWN, NOW" Episode 118 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1996 neighbour shagging, reindeer lamping, Turbomanning classic Jingle All The Way. Ryan and Mark discuss Christmas gigs, the World Cup draw and how this film has the most inappropriate character in any Christmas film. Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what guests...

"Rand Peltzer, Fantastic ideas for a Fantastic World, I make the illogical logical" Episode 117 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1984 bright lighting, wet getting, after Midnight feeding classic Gremlins. Ryan and Mark discuss the various gifts that Cuts fans have given us, Robbie Williams' boyband Battle Royale and Nelson has theories about what Gremlins is actu...

"Do heavy metalers eat chips, Larry?" Episode 116 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1996 nappy battering, dog flattening, Packie Bonnar penalty saving classic The Van. Ryan and Mark discuss Scotland's triumphant return to the World Cup, Wicked and how we have now completed or first trilogy, the Barrytown saga.  Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the...

"No Mr Bond, I expect you to die" Episode 115 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1964 ejector seating, bowler hat tossing, Pussy Galoring classic Goldfinger. Ryan and Mark discuss why bullying needs to return, whether it is illegal to suckle on a cow or Bill Clinton and Nelson expresses his sheer joy about finally tackling a Bond film. Please get in touch and let u...

"Hey, look! It's a cock, but smaller" Episode 114 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2005 pink misting, Deer Hunter viewing, bored in the deserting classic Jarhead. Mark and Ryan talk about how Nelson's tour is going, argue over who is the most handsome actor and the funniest way to die on D Day. Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what gu...

"I'll make him an offer he can't refuse." Episode 113 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1972 horse heading, tollbooth massacring, connoli taking classic The Godfather. Ryan and Mark discuss Christmas ads, Lily Allen and the size of Sonny Corleone's dong. Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what guests you'd like to see on in future episod...

"I am a peacock, you gotta let me fly" Episode 112 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2010 TLC quoting, Gator pimping, Dirty Mike and The Boys-ing classic The Other Guys. Ryan and Mark discuss first getting Sky TV, where we rank in ugly podcasters and the comedy genius of Michael Keaton.  Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what guests you...

"The power of Christ compels you" Episode 111 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1973 head spinning, pea soup vomiting, Mother sucks cocks in hell-ing classic The Exorcist. Ryan and Mark discuss their Halloween costumes, misogyny in the car and why we love big Pazuzu. Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what guests you'd like to see on in...

"My old scoutmaster used to say 'If the shortcut was a shortcut, it wouldn't be called a shortcut, it would be called a route" Episode 110 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2017 off license murdering, Swedish hiking, sacrifice to a massive goating classic The Ritual. Ryan and Mark discuss why men like each other more than women, the neediness of Gods and Nelson gi...

"Aaaaaaaddddddddrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiaaaaaaaannnnnnnn" Episode 109 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1976 meat pounding, stair running, Italian Stallioning classic Rocky. Ryan and Mark discuss online trolls, Chat GPTs writing us some jokes and the morals of allowing someone with learning difficulties take on a world title fight. Please get in touch and let us know if y...

"Rubber dinghy rapids bro." Episode 108 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2010 bleach buying, crow exploding, Dancing In The Moonlighting classic Four Lions. Ryan and Mark discuss taking photos at Auschwitz, Donald Trump impressions and why this is the darkest comedy you will see.  Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what guests you'd lik...

"Would you mind lending me your wife?" Episode 107 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1993 old man pumping, brick metaphoring, hippo auctioning classic Indecent Proposal. Ryan and Mark discuss memorials, dirty talk in bed and ask why the fuck Billy Connolly is in this film. Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what guests you'd like to see...

"FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEDOM" Episode 106 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1995 primo noctusing, York sacking, hung drawn and quaretering classic Blraveheart. Ryan and Mark discuss soap operas, multiple celebrity deaths and try to figure out whether anything in this film is accurate.  Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what guests you'd like to...

"I just want to be perfect" Episode 105 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2010 pirouette-ing, plié-ing, arabesque-ing classic Black Swan. Ryan and Mark discuss pickling things, what you would do if you won the lottery and why most actors don't deserve to win Oscars. Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what guests you'd like to see on in f...

"What's in the box"? Episode 104 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1995 force feeding, Wild Bill leathering, deadly sinning classic Se7en. Ryan and Mark discuss being in the Outer Hebrides, how you lamp someone and the best way to prevent being sexually assaulted in prison.  Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what guests you'd like to se...

"Your name is Kal-El. You are the only survivor of the planet Krypton." Episode 103 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1978 earth spinning, cape swaying, fortress of solituding classic Superman. Ryan and Mark discuss the Fringe, unappreciative children and whether there was any need to see baby Superman's penis.  Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the...

"Give a guy a gun, he thinks he's Superman. Give him two and he thinks he's God." Episode 102 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1992 bird cage smashing, library assassining, shootout baby carrying classic Hard Boiled. Ryan and Mark discuss losing to the homeless, shite trains and why Hong Kong's police force is the worst in the world.  Please get in touch and let...

"Are you gonna bark all day little doggy, or are you gonna bite?" Episode 101 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1992 ear-slicing,  Like A Virgin-ing, Super Sounds of the 70's-ing, classic Reservoir Dogs. Ryan and Mark discuss their festival weekend, The Lionnesses and Nelson suggests this film created podcasts. Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the...

"Here's to swimming with bow-legged women" Episode 100 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1975 child eating, barrel raising, farewell and adieuing classic, abd GREATEST FILM EVER MADE Jaws.  Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what guests you'd like to see on in future episodes and to suggest a film. Email :  absolutecutspodcast@hotmail.co...