A Thousand Tiny Steps

My senior year was filled with academics - and a little cocaine. As crazy as I partied in college, I also took advantage of my full scholarship to BU and got a masters degree in a year. I grew as a person and became much more of an adult, even when I struggled with my on again, off again relationship with David.   Key Takeaways:    [1:46] Turning point of adulthood the summer after sophomore year ...

My sophomore year was a fantastic year for me. I finally started staying at BU on the weekends and I had found a group of friends. I broke up with Jay and began a healthy relationship with David which has had a substantial impact on my life. To top it off, I became the first female Division 1 All American for BU. I felt on top of the world.    Key Takeaways:    [0:57] Reflecting on my actions and...

The first semester of my freshman year of college was a difficult transition. It was an odd time in between being a teenager and an adult who had to handle things themselves. Learning time management skills, dealing with a coach that pushed me too hard, getting injured, and competing with my teammates made for a whirlwind. By the end of it I was ready to leave, but going home is what helped me rea...

The first semester of my senior year was horrible. I dealt with a subpar cross country coach, argued with my friends, lost several races, my drinking got worse, and I had an abortion. I went into a depression and it was only the second half of my senior year that I was able to crawl out of it, find positives in the situation, and get a full scholarship to Boston University.    Key Takeaways:    [3...

I went Into junior year a different person: I wasn't with science guy anymore, I had a table at lunch, and my running improved. Along with the good there was such chaos though. My drinking problems began and I got into unsafe relationships with older men. In this episode, I explore my feelings recovering from trauma and finding my people.    Key Takeaways:    [2:52] I went into junior year a very...

My sophomore year was full of ups and downs. I went into the year not knowing where to sit at lunch, and unsure of myself. I ended up going to Germany, quitting gymnastics, joining the cheer team, and becoming a track star. As all these amazing things happened, I spent more time with my teacher, science guy, which quickly became something more.    Key Takeaways:    [8:30] Going to gymnastics camp...

Junior high school was a trying time for me between admitting I was being sexually abused to my mom to finding out who my biological father was. Through all the chaos and craziness I was trying to find my way and a group of friends to fit in with. It was not an easy endeavor and so I kept as busy as I could and tried not to be home. In this episode, I explore my early teen years and how it shaped...

I've made it one year as a podcaster! This is such an accomplishment for me and I'm excited to see the progress I've made. I can't wait to bring you along as I continue to write blog posts, podcast episodes, and expand into building my brand.    Key Takeaways:    [4:41] Where I started with the podcast  [8:22] Where I'm going next with the podcast  [12:16] Being told I'm playing the victim  [15:20...

The lines are often blurred to me on what's okay to share and what's not. When a student came to me sharing that they were in a relationship with a teacher, I shared my own story of how I was in a relationship with my teacher, "science guy" when I was a young teenager. This choice proved to have a ripple effect - for better and for worse. As I had to share my story in front of a school board, I co...

Connecting with siblings I didn't live with, creating a track camp, and going through a 15 year period where I worked to redefine myself was a lot. In the 90s I spent a ton of time connecting with my siblings that I never really got to know and I cherish those relationships. In the 2000s, I achieved some of my proudest professional moments including starting a track camp. In this episode, I dive i...

As I look back on my professional life, I realize that I've been asked to leave almost every job I've had. I've ignored so many red flags from nasty coworkers to recognizing my own issues with following rules and having boundaries. In this episode, I explore my relationships with others in the workplace and why I have struggled so much.    Key Takeaways:    [3:13] I've always struggled with my beh...

When I moved back to Concord, I didn't have a large group of friends and I had to build my social circle up again. There were so many important people in my life that made a big impact at one point and changed the path I was on. From spending time together with the girls I coached to the students I supported, I received something from all of them. Along the way, I learned how to build a family and...

Family is a complicated word that has so many meanings, but I think that at the end of the day it's about creating a community. Over the years I have worked to create my chosen family, alongside my biological one and I encourage my children to do the same. In this episode, I explore the concept of family and how it can be whatever you want it to be.   Key Takeaways:    [3:29] Feeling out of place...

In this episode, I reflect on the birthdays I've had, my age, and my mortality. Age is a concept that has changed over time for me. I used to think 50 was old, and now I realize I still have so much life to live ahead of me. As I ponder how I will take care of Jack and analyze my decisions, I also think about how I have improved as a person.    Key Takeaways:  [4:27] The concept of age is a funny...

Remembering the birth of Gracie and Molly has brought up raw emotion within me. I envisioned this white picket fence life: 2 kids, a loving husband, and a big house in a good neighborhood. That is not how life turned out in the slightest. Dealing with the grief of what I don't have anymore, and what I'll never get to experience is something I process everyday.    Key Takeaways:    [6:06] Winning a...

When Kenny and I met it was a time of chaos. We were both getting a divorce from our ex partners and trying to juggle the realities of adulthood. Our relationship was built on a solid friendship and I imagined what my life would entail, but that got turned on its head when Molly died. In this episode, I explore how Kenny and I met, the struggles we had, and how it set the foundation for the chaoti...

After 11 weeks, I got married - to a narcissist. I didn't recognize the signs: I was his third wife, younger than him, and he isolated me from family and friends. Marrying him was an impulsive choice accelerated by trauma bonds left unhealed. As I dive into this episode, I ponder what led me to marry him and why I keep repeating the same choices.    Key Takeaways:  [4:37] Starting to date Graham a...

Going to my first AA meeting in the 90s was a positive step in recognizing I had an issue with alcohol. Throughout my life I've had an on and off relationship with alcohol that has been difficult to manage. As I recount my experiences from 30 years ago, I reflect on where I am today.   Key Takeaways:  [2:04] Thinking my time in Concord would be temporary  [5:00] Going to my first AA meeting  [7:53...

In the fall of 1989 I returned to Concord after almost 10 years in Boston. I needed a fresh start: to get sober, to get into a good relationship, to get out of debt, and to start my career as a teacher. In order to achieve all that, I turned down running for Nike and broke up with a boyfriend. It was a rocky first 2 years back in Concord, but I started to get involved in my community and worked on...

Crying is an emotional release that has so many mixed feelings surrounding it. Growing up, I was admonished for crying and that hasn't changed in adulthood. As a woman I'm often seen as too emotional for crying and I make people uncomfortable. When I look back on my life, it's so interesting to see who wasn't afraid to cry and who was. In this episode, I explore the cultural, gender, and generatio...

As I find out more about the energy within my body I am compelled to better myself through my diet and exercise. While I look inward, I also look at the past to see how the people around me have grown and changed. Processing these emotions has been difficult, but I'm learning to let my energy guide me along the way.    Key Takeaways:  [1:28] Adjusting to having siblings so far apart in age  [5:09]...

Helicopter parenting has become a buzzword that everybody is talking about and I am one of them. Sort of. I let my baby go to daycare when I never let my older children out of sight with someone I didn't know, but as the world has changed so have I. In this episode, I explore how to be a good role model for my children while still sticking to my values as a parent.    Key Takeaways:  [2:37] Walkab...

When I was younger, I didn't imagine my life going like this. Losing Molly, having Jack, letting go of expectations, and having to find closure has had its struggles. As I ponder on how my life is different from what I expected, I also have gratitude for what got me through tough times: running and theater.    Key Takeaways:  [3:05] My love of the running community and timing races  [4:50] Gracie...

Roe vs. Wade and Molly's death week happening at the same time sent me into an anxious fury this week. The politics happening in America made me ponder the values I'm instilling in Jack and how that will impact him. In this episode, I dive into what values are important to me, how they differ from when I brought Gracie and Molly into the world, and the hopes I have for Jack's future.   Key Takeawa...

My family and the support I have has changed significantly compared to 20 years ago. It's caused me to examine my choices, take ownership for them, and acknowledge my trauma. In this episode, I look to the past and the future to see how trauma has and continues to impact my parenting.    Key Takeaways:  [1:20] Feeling triggered by doctors and struggling without pain meds  [6:48] Almost backing out...