Shut up a Second

In which our heroes buy gifts Dad clearly doesn’t want, make him veggies for breakfast with an egg and help him with the garden in preparation for the Baly Family Circus Part 2: Father’s Day Special! We get scared of cows and other farmyard animals, try to find out where we can’t get a recreational wheelchair and smell cardboard. Jackson is unhappy with his arms, John tells us about his fridge whe...

In which our heroes celebrate 100 episodes by going back to their humble beginnings, include Duscher in on their original discussion and drink to 100 more as they discuss puberty… again. We commemorate the fact that nothing’s changed, talk about the horrors of second puberty and compare stretch marks. Jackson wears glasses, Duscher ages like a wet handbag and Zoe hasn’t changed 50 episodes on and...

In which our heroes build houses using Edison’s famous mould, crumble under pressure and conclude the fan favourite Meat rhyming trilogy with Meat Part III: ‘Crete… as in Concrete. It’s a heavy journey as the gang attempt to seal everything with concrete, plug up their orifices to enable space travel and most importantly discuss the bear code. Jackson shows off his newest sculpture ‘Inside a Cow’,...

In which our heroes kick off their shoes, throw away their socks and just let it all hang out while discussing Meat Part II: Feet. This week we try to replace feet with animals, judge society’s wealth by the intensity of their forehead bruises and ultimately figure out what's faster; horses or cows? Tessa once again dies against her will, Duscher explores the realities of having one leg slower tha...

In which our heroes grab their swords and boards, don full plate amour and eat an orange as they discuss dragons. We wonder what a Chinese Dragon would taste like, obtain our own hoards from small town folk and Bed, Bath and Beyond, try to work out the difference between a dragon and a wyrm and integrate Muppets as much as possible. Jackson gets angry about intelligent dragons, Zammit gets angry a...

In which our heroes find places to hide, brace for impact and ride it out as they discuss earthquakes. We discuss the benefits of government mandated free wizards in disaster relief, wonder why Poseidon has horses in his repertoire of things under his domain and see which movie would be enhanced with a surprise earthquake. Jackson doesn’t think he would survive an earthquake in any situation, Zoe...

In which our heroes boil the kettle, brew, infuse and sip on a good ol’ cuppa joe and discuss hot beverages. We question why pineapple doughnuts even came to be, how incompetent the emperors of history are, and how sassy coffee really is. Jackson can’t tell the difference between teas, Duscher gets amped up by people spilling hot coffee on their dicks and Alli just cannot deal with getting betraye...

In which our heroes forget to pack sunscreen, drink too much sea water, misspell HELP with pieces of driftwood and discuss desert islands. We try to figure out the best celebrity to hate-share an island with, create a list of island rules and spend a decent chunk of time trying to avoid being killed by the dangerous island tiger. Jackson mourns the fact that his hair is not island strong, Tessa en...

In which our heroes under go a metamorphosis to become even more handsomer, burrow through several layers of dirt, and collect leaf litter to make a tiny house as we discuss bugs. We discuss the beginnings of a serial killer, confuse some bugs with some other bugs, and call out worms for their heart greed. Jackson is a weevil-fanatic, Alli is mad at her cat for not taking care of the bug problem,...

In which our heroes get their strings cut, remove the hand from out of their butt, and speak for themselves as we discuss puppets. We end up in a giant man made sock puppet outfit, debate the potential benefit of being a ventriloquist dummy when it comes to walnuts and why certain puppets are just terrifying. Jackson jumps in way too fast and way too quickly, Tessa informs us about a very special...

In which our heroes put on a bloody apron, head to the nearest abattoir and hack up a carcass as they discuss meat. We discuss the titles of our new albums, the employment of skeletons, and all the different kind of things you can sausage. Jackson’s world crumbles around him instantaneously, Tessa once again ends up imprisoned, and Duscher just wants zoning permission to build his beef shithouse....

In which our heroes drink some holy water, eat a clove of garlic and try to stab themselves in the heart as they discuss vampires. We look at the dangers of drinking 80s blood, examine the difference between sheep and vampires, and express our appreciation for Robert Pattison. Jackson wishes he was a caveman vampire, Zoe gets XXX and Blade confused, and Duscher just wants to share his simple metho...

In which our heroes put on their scrubs, sharpen their scalpels, try not to gag at the sight of blood and discuss surgery. We tell the story of Face-Off, bond over terrifying experiences of waking up during surgery and inevitably talk far too much about Robocop. Zammit ponders a life-swap with Billy Joel, Zoe finds herself pressured to join the Joel club, despite her dream of being married to Kany...

In which our heroes get caught in a web, become trapped like flies and struggle to break free as we discuss the terrifying creepy crawly that is spiders. We try to imagine eating spiders, wonder where a goat would expel silk, and sympathise with the people forced to deal with ghost trees. Jackson misremembers something he once heard about frogs, Tessa wonders how thick web really is, and Zoe just...

In which our heroes are made an offer they can’t refuse, get fitted for their concrete boots and end up sleeping with the fishes as they discuss Crime Part II: The Mafia. We wonder what the correct procedure is for waking up next to a horse’s head, ask if Danny Deckchair has any boob in it and recount the time one of us almost ended up working for the mafia. Tessa wants to know where she can sign...

In which our heroes slam a shot of tequila, baste a chicken and make a sour juice all while avoiding scurvy as we discuss lemons, and in turn, lemonade. We discuss terrifying hypotheticals involving replacing body parts with lemons, practice painting our backwards letters for a lemonade stand sign and end up comparing different types of fruits. Jackson stands his ground as a lemon and grapefruit j...

In which our heroes remove their skin, polish their bones, and make their best creaking sounds as we discuss skeletons. We discover the downsides of having no body or connective tissue, attempt to turn ribcages into musical instruments, and question the genuine spookiness of your garden variety skelly. Jackson confuses human anatomy with sport, Marley has the strongest legs of all time and Duscher...

In which our heroes go bananas, become the apple of everyone’s eye and get their melons out as we discuss fruit. We learn how strawberries are racist, that Donald Glover is the human embodiment of grapes, the true origin of the word orange and the curious relationship Romans had with tomatoes. Duscher finds a new, exciting use for baby corn, Tessa can’t choose which is the most superior of fruits...

In which our heroes slither along the ground on their bellies, get milked for anti-venom, swallow mice whole and digest them over the next few days as we discuss snakes. We ask who would win in a fight between a tiger snake, a tiger shark and a tiger tiger, the benefits of using vomit as a defence tactic, and how to screw over a government with snakes. Marley keeps up a healthy hatred of snakes, T...

In which our heroes put on their finest frocks, adjust their sparkly tiaras, wait to be rescued by a dashing prince and discuss the majestic world of princesses. We look at what it takes to be considered a true Disney princess, whether Belle has it better with Prince Adam in man or beast form, and what happens when a princess eventually becomes a queen. Jackson laments the fact that he will most l...

In which our heroes get slathered in chocolate, burn their mouths biting into a hot jam donut, and get a brain freeze from eating too much ice-cream as we discuss desserts. We take death by chocolate a little too literal, look into the history of Baby Cop’s Sugar Squad and try to figure out why anyone would build a house made out of gingerbread. Jackson wants to know what the worst dessert related...

In which our heroes imitate airborne cattle, consult their weather forecasts, run for cover and discuss the spinning menaces that are tornadoes. We discuss the utterly terrifying firenado, argue about the differences between hurricanes and cyclones, and contemplate the best place to hide when things get a little windy. Zammit wants to avoid danger at all costs, Zoe wants to experience a tornado fr...

In which our heroes don their armour, access the nuclear strike codes, smear black greasepaint all over their faces and prepare to go to war. We examine decapitations of enemies, the motivation to create insect and arachnid destroying shoe-guns and ponder the ideal soundtrack for killing folk. Tessa asks what everyone would declare war on, Marley finds an enemy in her co-host and Zammit just wants...

In which our heroes get rowdy, row a few longboats and then attempt to pillage every town in sight while we discuss vikings. We try to figure out the best way to raze a village, discuss the logistics of a suicide pact to sneak into Valhalla and then inevitably just go back to killing horses. Jackson attempts to cripple himself so he can enjoy non-stop feasts, Tessa re-discovers the long lost Vikin...

In which our heroes put batteries in their EVPs, holster their dowsing rods and become drenched in ectoplasm as they discuss ghosts. The team spook themselves as they share their own haunting tales of survival while items in the studio start flying around on their own accord. Joel firmly denies the existence of otherworldly presences, Jackson recounts his encounter with The Ninks Road Ghost Horse...