Shut up a Second

In which our heroes reach for their Aeroguard, scratch their bites, throw rocks at beehives and discuss the world of pests. We work out how big a monitor lizard mousetrap would need to be, if a lobster swarm is more a blessing than a curse and the correct procedure for scarabs under your pillow. Jackson wants to know what the worst pest infestation would be, Aaron is quite taken with the notion of...

In which our heroes never age, never get sick and never die as they discuss immortal beings. We seek the sweet release of death, realise how Benjamin Buttonism is the worst version of immortality and try and pinpoint some actual immortals. Jackson decides to eat the enteral spicy pepper, Alli has enough time to learn how to beat woodland critters at chess and Duscher, as always, just wants to die....

In which our heroes venture to the North Pole, get trapped in Santa’s workshop and are forced to make small talk with his little helpers which inevitably turns to elves. We talk about the deep connection between Mrs Claus and Idris Elba, how white-bread eggnog and bocce is and the problems of a shelf elf left to his own devices. Jackson's hatred for monopoly is finally addressed as he becomes a te...

In which our heroes wake up, look in the pantry, realise they’re standing before a live audience and discuss breakfast. We discuss the importance of keeping regular, the dangers of eating a meal at the wrong time, and try to get to the bottom of the Breakfast Club. Zoe gets her eating habits discussed, Jackson commits himself to an eternity of ham, and Duscher just wants everyone to know how he fe...

In which our heroes accept donations from dubious corporations for future political favour, hire the best campaign manager money can buy and go to the polls to discuss Presidents. We come up with fool proof long cons, replace the president with ourselves, and attempt to take Antarctica’s ice. Jackson becomes the president to commit crimes, Zammit needs to stick to the kitchen and Tess loses hersel...

In which our heroes get equilateral, isosceles, and also scalene as they discuss triangles. We sort out how new age toasters work, teach school kids maths, and find triangles in the room. Jackson wants to be buried in a pyramid, Zoe thinks that triangles are the least useful shape and Duscher is just grateful that he wasn’t around when wooly mammoths were around. So join the gang as they triangula...

In which our heroes hang from the rafters, navigate by sonar and feast on bugs and insects as they discuss bats. We consider the differences between bats and flying foxes, venture briefly into the creepiness of balloons, and eventually get back on the bat-track. Jackson has spontaneous bats erupting from his nipples, Duscher recalls experiencing instant karma while committing a crime and special g...

In which our heroes dig a whole, set up camp and try to avoid letting the rain in their underground home as they discuss burrowers… or burrows. No one really knows. We hide bodies into taxidermy animals, fill burrows with objects and work out what vignettes are. Jackson struggles to list things that burrows, Zoe is disappointed in the current parody title trend of using a triple X as a suffix and...

In which our heroes spread their wings, take to the skies, and head south for winter as they discuss birds… Again. We replace our faces with beaks, question if we can eat roosters and attempt to name as many birds as possible to disappointing results. Jackson carries everything around in his gross mouth, Dave Warneke ups the entertainment value of Australian politics with a spoon bill and Duscher...

In which our heroes get invited to a masquerade ball, attempt to conceal their faces and end up in the thrall of Loki as they discuss masks. We discuss which superhero has the worst mask, how to last minute MacGyver a mask using items only found in your car and the shocking connection between William Shatner and Mike Myers (the horror villain, not that plucky Canadian comedian). Aaron doesn’t beli...

In which our heroes spread their wings, take to the skies, and head south for winter as they discuss birds. We upset our Adelaide fans, have vivid man-dreams and attempt to pin down the abilities of a flamingo. Jackson discovers that this podcast can be used against him in the court of law, Dave Warneke teaches us how to fly in your dreams and Duscher just needs to recall a machete. So join the ga...

In which our heroes wonder why it’s so dark, flick switches and illuminate the room so we can discuss lamps. We try to work out if whales have bad breath, attempt to get way more sleep than humanly needed and think the astro-globe is much cooler. Jackson has an existential crisis as he realises that he's never been in a cave, Jarrod talks about his experiences with frogs and Zoe just needs to reca...

In which our heroes stock up on lives, grab as many health potions as they can and use a cheat code to unlock all vehicles and unlimited ammo as we discuss video games. We create video games out of mundane household tasks, make a cashier simulator and check our knees. Jackson sees how naked you can get in almost every game he plays, Zammit squashes his girlfriend’s hand and Duscher just can’t choo...

In which our heroes run their greasy hands through special guest Matt Harvey’s luscious red locks, break out the scissors, hair dye and the trimmer before giving up and heading down to the salon to talk about all things hair. We shape Hitler’s army into the fashionable chaps they were destined to be, ensure cancer patients never get given wigs, wonder which place is the worst to grow hair and try...

In which our heroes dress up in costumes, get permission from their parents to go out trick or treating and eat stale chocolate as they talk about ghouls for the Shut Up It's Halloween Special. We waste wishes on chips and dip, give wet Dobby a lift and worry about Johnson B. Ghoul's existential well being. Jackson asks which 1970's genie show is better, Duscher wants to donate his body to ghouls...

In which our heroes fill her up with premium 98, put the pedal to the metal, and instantly get a parking fine as we discuss automobiles. We make wheels out of fruit, learn about the greatest inventor who ever lived and discover just how jelly really works. Jackson sets unexplainable alarms, Zoe has never had banana chips and Duscher just wants to use coal to power a car. So join the gang as they d...

In which our heroes listen out for the conductors whistle, check the nearest timetable, and make sure they have their boarding pass ready as they discuss trains. We deliver instruments in the worst way possible, learn a little about whale dicks, and cast our doubts on the real scariness of trains. Jackson is not convinced by the benefits of locomotives, Duscher has a train inception thing going on...

In which our heroes get on stage, improvise the starting song and giggle with the crowd while we discuss Australia LIVE! We give animals peanut butter, get the Skippy Bush Kangaroo cast drunk and work out where Lassie is from. Jackson has a backup hypothetical, Zoe slaps a saddle on a crocodile, Tessa tries to take over and Duscher is just worried about Zoe’s loved ones. So join the gang as they c...

In which our heroes put their tray tables up, their seats in an upright position, and stow their luggage beneath their seats as they discuss planes. We try to work out if we can replace our genitals with aircraft, do bad German accents, and discover the history of Fanta. Jackson make children’s playgrounds more dangerous, Zoe takes naps in all the movies she mentions and Duscher just wants to talk...

In which our heroes get illuminated, have some great ideas, dance around the street lamps and discuss light bulbs. We discuss the appropriate sound effects for a good or bad idea, which orifice would be the best light source and spend a lot of time talking about Emily Eyefinger. Jackson is mad at Ant-Man for not taking advantage of his situation, special guest Sophie Kneebone goes for broke when d...

In which our heroes sway with the wind, get infested with beetles and are turned into wood pulp as they discuss trees. We wonder what a bonsai tastes like, discover why vegetarians won’t eat figs and learn about a tree that has a vendetta against the human race. Jackson forgets sasquatches aren’t a real thing, Zoe reminds us once again how stupid pandas are, and Zammit just wants to know why Marky...

In which our heroes purr like a cat, hiss like a cat, and meow like a cat as they discuss all things cats! We feel uncomfortable about cat tongues, navigate by the sun and try to work out the story of Puss in Boots. Jackson comes up with great animal names, Duscher is on the squid train and Zoe just can’t bear to live in a world without cats. So join the gang as they cough up a hairball and rub th...

In which our heroes look into a crystal ball and just see a screaming crab-man, select the kicked-in-the-head-by-a-mule tarot card from the deck and have their palms read by a shady gypsy in a caravan as they discuss fate. We put Jesus on the moon, make public services announcements and find ghosts in unlikely places. Jackson teaches us who is the real monster, Tessa becomes a truck racer against...

In which our heroes get out their markers, poster paper, and make a five year plan to discuss the future. We struggle to spell types of lettuce, throw a house where a horse’s head should be and wake up in the future-past-future. Jackson injects music into himself, Tessa creates a convoluted scenario to be with sharks and Duscher just wants to forever live in space. So join the gang as they travel...

In which our heroes get distracted by shiny objects, become the animalistic embodiment of ferrying souls of the dead and apply for the job of being Odin’s eyes as they discuss crows. We discuss the origin of Sing a Song of Sixpence, get spooked about the terrifying memory of crows and poorly remember the plot of 1994 classic, The Crow. Jackson loves a fat pigeon, Alli reveals her true size and Emz...