Me and We

Navigating Political Climate and Emotional Challenges Mallika and Bonnie discussed the challenges of navigating the current political climate in the United States. They explored how to manage emotions and make choices that lead to less suffering and more influence. Mallika shared her experiences with a family email chain, where she felt disconnected and struggled with the desire to participate in...

It's not always time to do "the work." In their last episode of the podcast, Bonnie and Mallika explore some of the ways they get off the suffering ride, WITHOUT doing a ton of emotional work.  What we really want is to feel happier, more satisfied and have more fun!  This framework helps to build the skills to get you more of that in your life. And, once you've integrated thes...

Claiming something means we own it, even if it might not be true. The power in knowing "truth" helps us  assert to ourselves internally (and possible to other's). We can develop a trust in ourselves when we have the ability to "claim truth," even if we are not in a position of authority. With the goal of less suffering, and getting back on the horse, it can be so helpful t...

Bonnie and Mallika explore understanding these two skills through definitions and real-life applications. EPIM = Effort, Progress, Impact, Merit REN = Resources, Energy, Needs We can use these skills as part of our data gathering as we are doing this work. We can use these frames on ourselves, but also in witnessing our partner or others who are doing their work, or who have been putting in effort...

Skill Application with "A Complete Unknown"  Episode Summary: Join us as we explore the fascinating dynamics and nuanced relationships portrayed in the Bob Dylan biopic. Using the "me" and "we" framework, we examine Dylan's orientation to his independent self and how it shaped his interactions with others throughout the film. From his creative brilliance to the t...

In Part 2 of their discussion on the 9 Building Blocks, Mallika and Bonnie dive into Blocks 5-9, exploring key skills for personal and relational growth. Topics Discussed: Building Block 5: Energy – Mallika and Bonnie explore the importance of recognizing different energy states in relationships and how using the "Me & We" skills can help improve mutual understanding and acceptance,...

This episode marks part 1 of the culmination of "Season One" as we reflect on the heart of personal growth work, reviewing the building blocks and discussing upcoming shifts. Join us as we explore two guiding stances—the heart and the warrior —and discover how these frameworks can inspire resilience and deeper connections in your everyday life. Episode Highlights Defining the Heart Stanc...

This episode, Bonnie and Mallika begin to look at the skills needed for building an Independent Self: We can use the 3 Cs: Compassion (Empathy), Claiming, Curiosity Putting on our warrior suit: Relentlessly coming back to things, Righteously fighting for integrity and our values, Ruthlessness as in not shying away because it's not ok for anyone to get hurt.  Mallika brings up the prompt to ex...

We ARE going to get disorganized, we are going to get activated and "off the horse."  The single most important place to reach for in our important relationships, and especially with intimate partnerships, is REPAIR . On the podcast today, Bonnie and Mallika talk about a skill that's doable for everybody, no matter how interested you are in relational growth or healing. It's a...

This is a turning point in this work. Everywhere we go, there are protests coming our way, protests from our partner, from our boss or our friend, or that we have sitting under the surface. This Building Block helps us STOP trying to STOP   the protests, but rather learn how to accept them, and, when possible, work with the protest energy. Bonnie and Mallika explore this important part of being in...

There is protest happening everywhere, especially in the last 10-15 years. We don't have to be on the receiving end of blame and shame EVERYWHERE we go. But, it is important to open up this channel to receive when someone is daring to let us know that something isn't working for them. How can we work with protest to find something else that's possible, rather than what typically hap...

The big question about protests - how can we respond that is NOT a counter protest? Bonnie and Mallika act out some examples of these skills using listener questions. Pause : How to pause a protest someone is sending (in a way that doesn't feel like you're avoiding or deflecting) Owning and Asking : Is there a part of the protest that you can agree with? That you can " own " as...

Another "Real Life" application.  Let's look at what we know about the current context between Blake Lively and Juston Baldoni.  Bonnie and Mallika are not looking at who is "right" and who is "wrong" in this context. Instead, they are looking to apply the frames and skills that have been presented on this podcast to what Blake or Justin might have tried.  What c...

Bonnie and Mallika look at how we can apply the "Me & We" frames to the characters, Lily and Ryle, in the movie version of "It Ends With Us."  How might Lily's friend or therapist support Lily with holding both her desire to stay in her relationship with Ryle and our own desire to protect her? How might we accept perfection in Lily?  How might we accept perfection in R...

The heart of the creative process that allows us to grow is: receiving a protest WE ALLLLLL are ready to  - not like something - complain - need something  AND want to say something about it.  So, if we are able to receive a protest, we can build our confidence. And get out of the suffering that is so common in contexts with protests.   Building blocks 8 and 9 will go into how we can organize ours...

We all experience shame and it feels BAD! We don't even want to be seen. And we hide parts of ourselves that we associate with experiencing shame; we put them behind "the shame wall." Even good parts of ourselves can be disowned. How do we navigate the places around where we feel shame? What are our defenses against the shame place? Can we let go of shaming ourselves and trust that...

How do we reclaim the disowned parts that get linked with the feeling of shame, so we can have our emotional wisdom and our true selves, ready to go, with less suffering. How can we make use of our life-force energy (desire) and undo our defenses so that we can reclaim those disowned parts? We all have desire: to be free to be all of who we are to have a meaningful life to make a difference to con...

Getting out of shame is hard to do on our own. We do automatic, repetitive patterns with people, and they do it with us. We are so influenced by the context and those patterns, we all can use help from others to get us out of those hard places, and to plan how to experiment to do it differently next time.   Declarations : "I am _______" The good parts of ourselves and the bad parts of ou...

There are important differences within the "we" to pay attention to. When we do pay attention to these, we can get a better sense of how to work with the "we."  Bonnie's book is available in paperback! "Me And We: Finding Your Voice and Influencing Relational Interactions" Find out more about our work: Bonnie's Website: bonniemacbride.com Mallika's Webs...

It's healthy to want belonging and to communicate our care for others, and shame might play a role in how we work together with others. We don't want to hurt others. And we expect others to orient to the "we" to some degree. When they don't meet those expectations, we might find ourselves asking "Have you no shame?"  What happens to shame/shaming when we communic...

The paradox of accepting perfection as we are is a powerful frame and tool for accessing greater freedom and less suffering inside ourselves and our relationships.  Bonnie's book is available in paperback! "Me And We: Finding Your Voice and Influencing Relational Interactions" Find out more about our work: Bonnie's Website: bonniemacbride.com Mallika's Website: rootedrelat...

Within the Building Block of "Accepting Perfection As We Are", this episode defines and explores "Context, Goal, Role".  Using "CGR" helps us regulate our emotions and feelings by taking a dispassionate approach to what's happening around and inside you. Observe, gather facts, and look at what our goals are.  Mallika shares a real life example to illustrate where...

Within the Building Block of "Accepting Perfection As We Are", we have the skill of "Resonating." Bonnie got this tool, and modified it some, originally from Harville Hendrix with Imago therapy.  This skill is a wonderful conflict resolution tool. With three elements (reflect, validate, empathize), there is a sender and a receiver.  Bonnie and Mallika show you in this show what...

Bonnie and Mallika look at the now infamous moment between Will Smith and Chris Rock at the 2022 Academy Awards.  How might we see this moment through the system lens?  Can we hold "Accepting Perfection As We Are" for all of the people involved? Bonnie's book is available in paperback! "Me And We: Finding Your Voice and Influencing Relational Interactions" Find out more ab...

What are primary emotions? Which ones are most helpful on this journey of personal and relational growth?  Bonnie and Mallika dive into which emotions free up our energy, and which ones keep us stuck, in this 3rd Building Block of "Me & We." Bonnie's book is available in paperback! "Me And We: Finding Your Voice and Influencing Relational Interactions" Find out more ab...