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Neither the people reading this description, nor the man writing it, truly have a grasp on how far away from nature our civilization is. Not one of us. Many of us, however, DO understand that we don't understand it. The few who don't get it think they can just go to an island and create a civilization. Living in actual civilization is easy; how hard could it be to make one by myself with no knowle...

A FOURTH hundo? Seriously?! What the hell, guys. Look, the first hundo was a blast. Everyone loved it. The second hundo was unexpected, but we kept it interesting. A gentleman would have stopped there, though. The third hundo was almost a commentary on that fact. Like, hey look, we've done yet another hundo! We know it's rude, get it? That's the point! It worked, in a sort of self-referential way....

Everyone is interested in something embarrassing, and for many people, that thing is disc golf. Now, the fact that everyone has something like this SHOULD make us more accepting of each other, and prevent us from making fun of these things. It should, but it doesn't. Anyway, this week's episode is about disc golf.

Are we playing "Produce, Marry, Kill" again? Yes. Did I add some new rules this time? Yes. Are the rules needlessly complicated? Yes. Did I describe the rules incorrectly during the episode, then edit that part out? Yes. Did I do a bad job of running this dumb game? Yes. Are there still funny things to be heard? Yes.

I'm going to repeat the title: All bands should have wizards. Wizards, really, should be added to everything. What could they possibly NOT improve? This is relevant because we watched a movie called Stunt Rock that heavily features the band Sorcery, which employed not just one but TWO wizards. That is why they are universally acknowledged as the greatest band of all time.

If you have any familiarity with the Insane Clown Posse, it probably relates to the universally yearned-for answer to the greatest question of our age: Fuckin' magnets, how do they work? It should not surprise you in the least to learn that we do not answer that question in this week's episode. That question is unanswerable. We do answer some others, though, and to see if we answer something usefu...

Every single successful thing (and many unsuccessful things) will inspire rip-offs. Since the dawn of time, there have been people copying other people's ideas, but pretending they're brand new creations. Even the Olympics have apparently inspired a rip-off event, which is what we discuss this week. I wonder if in ancient Gaul they created their own ripoff of the ancient Greek Olympics? I just ans...

To traverse the landscape, learn to read the signs and signals. The landscape, in this case, is the city, and the signs and signals are the various things you hear and smell in the city. Especially the things you smell. And basically all of them are bad.

Can you believe it? It's the return of silly pitches! If you listened to my brothers make fun of me a few episodes ago, I bet you can believe it. Did it turn out to be a bad idea, just like they said? You'll have to listen to find out! But yes, it did.

Ben went with another rambler this time. Big shot, thinks he's so great, Mr. Doesn't-Have-To-Come-Up-With-A-Topic, ooh, look at me, I'm Ben, I can just show up and start talking. Some bullshit, right there.

Today we watch an entire 90-minute movie in 10 short minutes. How do we do that? By skipping all of the inessential parts. How do we know which parts are inessential? All 90 minutes of this movie were inessential, so it really doesn't matter what we watched or what we skipped.

Matt just has too damn many cold opens happen to him. Basically nothing ever happens to me, so I have no cold opens to share. Stuff is constantly happening to this guy Matt, though. Sharing these happenings once per week is just not enough, and it's piling up. He's in danger of a cave-in at this point, so he's got to spend a week to let them all loose.

- Select Episode 388 - ctrl-Z

Enough fartin' around. We've spent enough episodes "getting to know" the contestants already. Let's get to the elimination episode. That's what everyone watches these shows for. Who's staying, who's going home? That's what people want. And that would be great if this were a competition reality show, but it's not. Instead, it's a courtroom drama, and this is the big trial scene. You wanted Survivor...

Whomb amongst us hasn't wondered if our lives couldn't be improved with a little sex magick? Why did they put that 'k' on the end, you ask? Because cult leaders intentionally misspell and misuse words in order to rewire your brain into something that obeys them unthinkingly. And because it looks cool.

100 years ago, people were idiots who acted against their own self-interest. That's still true today, and though the degree to which it is true is perhaps debatable, it can't be denied that humans ain't changed much. Well, I guess we do have fewer street rats playing something called "piggy", but that's the only change I can think of.

Sometimes people ask what our podcast is about, and it's difficult to answer them. After all, we have a different topic every week, so what's it really about? We've decided to solve that problem this week. Instead of having a different topic every week, we're just going to have a bunch of different topics in the same episode, which solves the problem by... uh, actually, I'll get back to you on tha...

People who live in real places, like New York, or L.A., or Calgary, do have to occasionally travel from one real place to another, and sometimes the only option is to drive. This means traveling through the areas in the world that are collectively known to anthropologists as "the dumpster". The unfortunate people who live in these "dumpster" areas (again, it's the technical term) have absolutely n...

The history of circuses starts with them taking place at actual established buildings and arenas. This obviously could not last, because who in their right mind would want to see one more than once? Thus, they adopted the nomadic presentation of traveling performers. This was better for the circus, because there were always new rubes to con into buying tickets, and it was better for the towns, too...

There's only one place to go when an accident happens: This podcast. That's right - if you have a debilitating injury, just listen to this episode and you'll know exactly what to do. I could tell you right here, but then you wouldn't have to listen to the episode.

In today's episode, we take one of our classic ideas from the primordial days of the podcast and bring it up to date all the way to the 1990s. And for some reason, when our task was to update an 80s cartoon for the 90s, we decided the best way to do that is to make it like a generic sitcom. I don't understand it either, but we're the experts, so you may not complain.

I'm sure you're all sick of everyone talking about time travel. I mean, it's so hot right now. But unlike everyone else, in this episode we're going to be traveling back in time with a singular purpose in mind. I won't give it away, though. Instead, I'll let you guess WHICH infant German leader we'll be assassinating. I'll give you one hint: It's not Helmut Kohl.

Babies are strange, fleshy animals that women excrete every month at the full moon. We know this, and yet most of us know very little about them. Are they friend or foe? Do their mournful cries awaken ancient spirits from beyond the stars, or are they simply a form of ritual intimidation? What of poop? Well, my friends, the answers to these, and many more questions, cannot be found in this episode...

GOOD NEWS! Whatever your job is, we're about to improve it. Unless you're a coal miner or factory worker, in which case you will notice no improvements at all. Which would be surprising, honestly. How hard would it be to improve? I mean, there's kind of nowhere to go but up, right?

In this week's episode, we play a rousing game of Produce, Marry, Kill. Attentive listeners will note that this is actually the FOURTH time we've created a game like this (either intentionally or accidentally). The first three were Fart, Butt, Poop; Holmes, Nemo, Khan; and Man, Mountain, Rock. Yes, those are all real. You can check out episodes 38, 76 and 207 if you don't believe me.