YOUR Neurodiverse Relationship

Is it common for autistic partners to not compliment their partner's appearance? In this episode, Mona and I unpack one of the most common complaints in neurodiverse relationships — the lack of affirmations — and reveal why it's often a sign of a fundamentally different way of experiencing love, not a lack of caring. Plus, for those wondering if this behavior suggests narcissism, we've included a...

When a partner claims that autism means they "don't understand consent," where does neurodivergence end and abuse begin? Jodi Carlton and Mona Kay unpack the difference between autistic behavior and abusive behavior, why "no means no" applies regardless of neurotype, and how media scripts and porn can distort expectations around consent for black-and-white thinkers. They also discuss the yes/no/ma...

Medical gaslighting is when your experience of your body is denied or dismissed by a medical professional. Neurodivergent people frequently experience this even though providers don't always realize the harm they're doing. When we talk about neurodivergence, we usually focus on the mind — but what about the body? In this episode of our "Navigating Neurodiverse Love & Life" series, my co-host M...

What happens when two people in a neurodiverse relationship remember the same conversation completely differently? This week, Mona and I explore the memory and communication disconnects that can put neurodiverse couples in what I call “the boxing ring”—where partners become opponents, each trying to prove who’s right and who’s wrong. From the partner who remembers every word but misses the meaning...

This week we're getting really personal. We're opening up about our own ADHD brains — the things we've struggled with, the stuff that drove our partners crazy, and the moments that only made sense once we finally understood neurodivergence. If you've ever felt like your brain works differently from everyone else's, or like your partner's special interests leave you feeling invisible, you're not al...

If you're in a neurodiverse relationship — whether you're ADHD, autistic, or both — intimacy can be one of the most complicated things to navigate. In this episode, Mona Kay & I get real about love vs. sex, masking in the bedroom, asexuality, ethical non-monogamy, separate bedrooms, and the hidden pattern that quietly undermines intimacy for neurodiverse couples: fawning. In this episode, we t...

If you're in a neurodiverse relationship — whether you're ADHD, autistic, or both — intimacy can be one of the most complicated things to navigate. In this episode, Mona Kay & I get real about routines, spontaneity, physical intimacy, and the hidden pattern that quietly undermines intimacy for neurodiverse couples: fawning. From date night strategies that actually work, to what happens when on...

Are you neurodivergent and trying to navigate dating? Especially after a divorce? We can relate! In this episode, my co-host, Mona Kay, and I get real about our personal dating experiences after divorce, the patterns we've learned to recognize in neurodiverse partners, and how to spot toxic, narcissistic behavior. From info dumping on first dates to sensory quirks in the bedroom, we share candid,...

Is your relationship struggling because of neurodivergence — or because you're just not compatible? In this episode of Navigating Neurodiverse Love and Life, Jodi Carlton and Mona Kay get honest about one of the hardest questions neurodiverse couples face. In this episode: The two extremes of autistic commitment: the revolving door and staying forever in a toxic marriage Why blaming the diagnosis...

Have you ever felt like your emotions were wrong — or like your partner simply couldn't understand why you were upset? You might be experiencing the impact of alexithymia in your neurodiverse relationship. In this episode of Navigating Neurodiverse Love and Life, Mona Kay and Jodi Carlton open up about their own long marriages to neurodivergent partners — and the years of unintentional hurt that c...

Have you ever felt like your emotions were wrong — or that your partner just couldn't connect with what you were feeling? In this episode, Mona Kay and Jodi Carlton share candidly about their decades-long marriages to neurodivergent partners and the years of confusion, shame, and unintentional hurt that came from not having a name for what was happening. They break down alexithymia — one of the mo...

Mona Kay and Jodi Carlton introduce their new podcast, “Navigating Neurodiverse Love and Life,” sharing their backgrounds and why they partnered to create a more personal, casual show about neurodiverse romantic relationships, families, and life as a neurodivergent person or parent. Mona, host of the Neurodiverse Love podcast since 2020, describes discovering her marriage was neurodiverse late in...

Autism is not a childhood disease. It's not something we catch, acquire in childhood, or grow out of — and the science on this has been clear for decades. In this episode I'm responding directly to the current conversation about what autism is and isn't, and setting the record straight with research, personal experience, and 20+ years of working in this field.   I cover what autism actually looks...

Neurodivergence has been framed as something to fix for far too long—and that framing is doing real harm. In this bonus episode, I'm talking about the neurodiversity paradigm shift: moving away from a deficit-based model and toward understanding neurological differences as natural variations in the human brain, not personal failures.   I share the research, the language that's holding us back, and...

Neurodivergent parenting comes with a kind of exhaustion that's hard to explain—and even harder to admit. As an ADHD mom with an autistic daughter and an ADHD son, I've lived every stage of it: the sensory overwhelm and specialist appointments in the early years, IEP battles and school advocacy in the middle years, and the delicate push toward independence as your kids grow into adulthood.   If yo...

Autism microaggressions are everywhere. And most people delivering them have no idea they're causing harm. "You don't look autistic." "We're all a little autistic." "You're too articulate to be autistic." These comments feel like compliments. For autistic individuals, their partners, and their families, they land like paper cuts—small, accumulating, and quietly damaging over time. In this bonus ep...

ADHD relationships don't come with a manual—but Part 2 of my conversation with Jana and Matt gets as close as anything I've recorded. We zoom in on what actually helps neurodiverse couples move from "you're doing it wrong" to clear, workable requests, and why old scripts keep running even after real growth.   Jana shares two practical accommodations that changed everything for them: adjusting seas...

ADHD / neurotypical relationships come with a specific kind of friction—and nervous system dysregulation is often at the center of it. In Part 1 of my conversation with Jana, an ADHD resilience coach, and her husband Matt, a neurotypical engineer, we unpack the "thinker/feeler" dynamic, the pursuer–retreater cycle, and what it looks like when dysregulation hijacks a hard conversation.   We get int...

When emotions run high, meltdowns happen, and communication breaks down, what helps neurodiverse couples stay connected? In Part 2 of this conversation, Randall and Ashley share how they’ve learned to manage overload, communicate through shutdowns, and rebuild calm after conflict. Ashley explains how Jodi’s “I’m okay” mantra helps her separate Randall’s emotions from her own, while Randall describ...

Holidays, routines, and even dishwashers can test any couple—but for neurodiverse partners, those differences can feel magnified. In this episode, Jodi talks with Randall and Ashley about what they’ve learned since discovering Randall’s autism and how it’s changed their relationship for the better. They share simple but powerful tools—like Jodi’s “2-or-10” scale for deciding what’s worth energy, a...

The holidays can be stressful for any couple—but for neurodiverse partners, surprises, travel, and changes in routine can make the season especially tough. In this short bonus episode, Jodi shares a sneak peek from her upcoming interview with Randall and Ashley Rowland, who open up about what makes holidays challenging for them and the “plan B” strategies that keep things calm and connected. It’s...

When you first realize that autism or ADHD is part of your relationship, it’s so common to encounter “doomsday” narratives online—stories that make neurodiverse couples feel destined for disconnection. In this episode, Mike and Amy are back for Part 2 to share what actually happens after the discovery and how they’ve stayed connected through burnout, resentment, emotional differences, and communic...

When autism or ADHD first shows up in a relationship—especially through a late diagnosis—it can feel confusing, overwhelming, or even destabilizing. Many couples begin searching for answers only to find negative, discouraging narratives about neurodiverse partnerships. In this episode, I talk with Mike and Amy, a couple who discovered as adults that Mike is autistic. Their story is deeply relatabl...

Can a neurodiverse relationship thrive long-term—even when the work feels messy, nonlinear, and hard? In Part 3, the final episode of this roundtable series, Jodi and the panel of neurodiversity experts explore the skills that make progress possible: forgiveness, repair after conflict, and practical tools that help partners bridge intent and impact. This conversation digs into what progress actual...

Accommodating neurodiversity doesn’t have to mean resentment or burnout. In this episode, we explore how a neurodiverse relationship can thrive when both partners learn to balance self-accommodation and mutual respect. Coaches Jeremy & Charity Rochford show how neurodivergent partners can self-accommodate (not outsource to neurotypical spouses) and how neurotypical partners can set boundaries...