What Drives You?

Welcome back to the What Drives You? podcast! In this episode, we're exploring self-forgiveness as the path to discovering and bringing our most authentic self to the world. We'll discuss: The connection between self-loathing and our tendency to hide our true self Ways that we hide our true self from others and even ourselves The connection between seeing ourselves authentically and forgiveness Ho...

What is Value-Driven Nutrition? By identifying 5 values we want to live by, we can learn to feel confident about our food choices in every situation. Julie tells us how! How can we model healthy attitudes about food, feelings, and body image for our kids? What does a nutrition expert think about snacks? (Spoiler alert: she loves them! Yay!) How can the simple discipline of eating on a schedule soo...

Dr. Terri Orbuch reveals incredible findings from her study of 373 couples over 34 years and 3 popular books.  Topics include: What are key life values? How do shared key life values affect a couple's likelihood of staying together, happily, and long term? The importance of talking about money with your spouse or partner. How to model healthy conflict for your kids and talk about the importance of...

My guest, Amy Stern, LMSW, is doing amazing work in mental health and suicide prevention. I'm proud to say that she's also my daughter! In this episode, we cover some topics that can be really challenging to talk about but are so important, like: What is mental illness, exactly? When is the typical age of onset for various mental illnesses? How can I know if my child or loved one needs help or if...

My guest shares her story of love, loss, authenticity, and acceptance. Ultimately, this episode is about one family's journey of accepting and celebrating one another as they truly are, even when embracing authenticity brought massive change to their status quo.

Sometimes we set aside time to rest and unwind, but we end up feeling unsettled and unrefreshed. Why is that? What do we need from our times of pause? What do we need to give ourselves in order to feel rejuvenated? A rejuvenating pause can look different for everyone. You and your partner may need very different things from your times of rest, even if you're unwinding in the same room, together. I...

Recently, I came down with COVID which turned into ear and throat infections. I was miserable, but I believe it was a gift that helped me to slow down. I wondered, "If my energy is limited and I can't make the holiday season about DOING, what IS my goal this holiday season? How do we want to show up for the holidays this year? How do we want our loved ones to experience us? What if we could take a...

My guest, Beth Robinson, talks about her essay in the book, The Epiphanies Project, entitled B is for Backward. In her writing, she explores the difficult question, “Did my mother know I loved her before she died?”   We talk about writing as a therapeutic process.   Beth shares her experience in her family car.   Beth unpacks a powerful insight about how her family of origin gave her both "the loc...

What is culinary art therapy? Are some people more naturally inclined to find cooking therapeutic? For those of us who cook just to "get it done," can we learn to enjoy and be soothed by the process of cooking a meal? Did you know that smell is the sense that is most tied to memory? This means we can access all kinds of feelings and memories by interacting with food. Looking for a more hands-on, e...

Sophie and Barb talk about their unique experiences in their family car. We explore how each family car has rules—and how they don't always apply to each sibling equally. We hear about how Sophie and Barb have been able to take the good and the not-so-good experiences from their family of origin, examine them, honor what is helpful, and let go of what is not. Join us for Sister Talk and see if you...

Angst - what is it and how does it feel in our bodies? I bet you can relate to my description and experience! How can we notice our angst and give ourselves the soothing and compassion that we need? I will share my 4 A's that you can start using right now and at any time to help yourself feel more grounded and peaceful when you feel "stirred up." And it only takes a few moments! As we are able to...

Season 2 of "What Drives You?" will continue our journey of exploring who we are today through the lens of our "family car." This season I'll be doing some solo episodes and I'll be joined by some amazing guests. I know you'll relate to their stories, find inspiration from their courage, and gain clarity from their lessons learned. Hope you'll join us!

I begin by sharing what this season of high holidays means to me and to my family. I hope that hearing my story grounds you in the meaning of this season. How are these special days different for you now than in the past? Armed guards in our synagogues, families kept apart because of COVID, and political unrest that causes friction at our tables—these are challenges that affect us all during these...

Ellen and Tolly are joined by Ellen's husband, Paul Chute. Paul is a veteran with PTSD, a social worker, and a loving "grump grump" to his grandkids. Paul shares candidly about the trauma and neglect of his childhood and how that drove him to create new "cars" throughout his life that would fill in the gaps where his family of origin left him lacking. These new "cars" provided the support he neede...

Through stories created through a composite of real-life scenarios, Ellen shares three examples of how her client's childhood cars have dramatically affected their adult relationships. (All names have been changed.) First, Ellen and Tolly discuss "Todd's" experience growing up in a chaotic car and how that experience led him to create a very different car when he married and had children. We hear...

Ellen and Paul have an authentic and relatable conversation about how we can feel triggered and regress into old patterns when we spend time with our family of origin—when we are in our old family car. Paul shares how he tends to regress to thinking and behaving like "the baby" of the family when he is around his brothers. It's a great example of how our programming stays with us throughout our li...

Ellen and Tolly welcome a very special guest, Bethany Taylor. Bethany is Tolly’s wife and a social worker. Bethany brings her experiences from her family of origin to the discussion, bringing the car illustration to life in new ways!   Beth’s experiences in her family cars include navigating life after divorce during childhood and learning to get her needs met in her various family dynamics.   Thr...

In this episode, Ellen and Tolly explore the 4 types of family cars along with the relational dynamics within each environment. The 4 types of cars discussed are: Chaotic Controlled Perfect Real For each type of family car, Ellen shares what the experience is within that car structure, especially for the children. She also discusses factors that can predict and contribute to the formation of each...

Who were you in your family car…the smart one, the athlete, the baby, the lazy one? In this episode, Ellen shares the example of the family car dynamic that she and her ex-husband created together with their kids. Through her personal story, we can see how we create new car dynamics in our adult lives in response to our experiences in our family car growing up. Ellen shares a vulnerable moment she...

In this inaugural episode of What Drives You? we are introduced to the metaphor of the "family car." Ellen explains how this metaphor helps us understand our family dynamics and how they affect us throughout our lives. Ellen describes her physical family car and the dynamic she experienced as an only child left to herself in the back seat. As she explains who sat in the literal driver's seat and w...