This is M.

A brief check-in about COVID-19/Coronavirus, feeling especially depressed right now, thinking I had caught "the vid" over the weekend, having a brain that feels like scrambled eggs lately, circling back to the reunion episode of the Netflix reality/dating show Love Is Blind, calcifying your impression of people based on a finite amount of time you spent with them (like the kid I went to school wit...

Discussed: A roundup of recent movies and television I've watched (Honey Boy, The Handmaiden, The Invisible Man, Kingdom [Season 2]), a protracted analysis of the Netflix reality/dating show Love Is Blind (with reference to Jerry Maquire and Sleepwalk With Me), the difficulty of calling out problems in a relationship, the time my therapist suggested I might be questioning my gender identity, if Co...

Discussed: A five-star review of the podcast on Apple Podcasts, life since the shelter in place order was issued in the San Francisco Bay Area earlier this week, counting my blessings at this time, my most recent visit to the grocery store right as the general panic was setting in, the fragility of the social order in a time of fear, the heroism of our grocery store workers, the importance of talk...

Discussed: Five minutes of COVID-19 coverage turns into thirty minutes, the cancellation of classes for the next few weeks, feeling powerless against the coming crisis, the inability for anyone to prepare for something like this, my girlfriend pushing for us to move in together, the tendency for guys to need to feel secure in their lives before settling down, wanting to feel more confident in my c...

Discussed: The initial results of the Democratic Primary, the arrival of coronavirus in the United States, the ways I could leverage catching COVID-19 to my advantage, the results of my recent health scare that were never addressed on the podcast, my ability to catastrophize every situation, my future mother-in-law's recent visit to the Bay Area, my Spartan approach to playing and practicing the d...

The twenty-fourth episode. Discussed: War stories from the local laundromat, remembering an elderly regular from my restaurant days, a close encounter with a local thief, my relationships with the neighborhood vagrant population, my recent Chemistry and Trigonometry exams, the importance of not telling yourself horror stories, the thin line between genius and madness, the well-spring of creativity...

The 23andMe episode. Discussed: NPR's Tiny Desk Contest, my commitment (or lack of it) to my creative career, seeing "Uncut Gems" at The New Parkway Theater in Oakland, Philip Seymour Hoffman in "Owning Mahoney," my return to drumming, a renewed interest in jazz, the change of tastes in adulthood, and a lengthy exploration of how my recent interests are an unconscious, retroactive effort to "fix"...

The deuce-deuce episode. Discussed: The prevalence of podcasts, my previous podcast, the perniciousness of perfectionism, the importance of patience with the present, pledging yourself to the process, the impotence of positive punishment, the power of positive reinforcement, and the vast chasm between insight and action. Music by Disasterpeace.

The legal drinking-age episode. Discussed: The myth of resting bitch face, the dystopian futures of Aldous Huxley and George Orwell, pacifying the public with pleasure, not living up to the ideals we broadcast, my recent return to drumming, trying to fix the past through the present, the un-addressed technical flub in each episode to date, tolerating imperfection, the Japanese concept of Wabi-sabi...

The twentieth episode. Discussed: Kobe Bryant's death, seeing Prince perform live shortly before his death, seeing Phoenix and Kings of Leon perform before they exploded in the U.S., people who say "fuck cancer" and wondering what they'd prefer killed people, infamous and Darwin Award-type deaths, Michael Jackson's death and molestation charges, the treatment of tragedy in the 24-hour news cycle,...

The last-teenth episode. Discussed: My recent health symptoms, catastrophizing the implications, a co-worker's recent battle with a brain tumor, working as a crisis-line counselor, exploring ambivalence around the idea death and dying, Dr. Pimple Popper and the power of normalizing people's pain, death as a call to meaning-making in Tolstoy's "The Death of Ivan Ilyich," confronting my own cantanke...

The age-of-consent episode. Discussed: Our new social handles (@thisismpod) and email ( thisismpod@gmail.com ), struggling to record this week's podcast, cultivating confidence, learning how to talk to girls, creative concept vs. entertainment value, the music of Steve Reich ("It's Gonna Rain" and "Music for 18 Musicians"), the latest Robert Eggers film ("The Lighthouse"), Thomas Pynchon's "Gravit...

The seventeenth episode. Discussed: A fair-minded review of the podcast, the intelligence of the podcast listeners, thoughtful comments from fans of my early music, a poignant (and profound) moment visiting the elders of my girlfriend's family, the self-importance of your own story, resigning yourself to living an ordinary life, and a brief critique of the most recent Robert Eggers film, "The Ligh...

The sweet-sixteenth episode, in four parts. Discussed: Part 1 - police interrogation videos on YouTube, To Catch a Predator, the Jussie Smollett scandal, getting punched in the face, and victimhood as currency; Part 2 - assessing my teachers this semester, announcing our podcast MVP, anxiety, and the "cushion of experience"; Part 3 - Dostoyevsky, getting caught smoking at boarding school, my grade...

The last episode of 2019. Discussed: My Thanksgiving "staycation" weekend with the girlfriend, seeing Cirque du Soleil in San Francisco and the fear of witnessing an accident, etiquette for servers, encountering an old "regular" from my own serving days at dinner and observing the pitfalls of living a milquetoast life, a 12 mile hike at Point Reyes, seeing the latest Bong Joon-ho film "Parasite" (...

The fourteenth episode. Discussed: Being out of breath, the opera "Das Rheingold," a satire of Horace (I, iv), presenting your "photo face" to the world, "thirsty" social media posts, the consequences of finishing my father's water on a trip to New York City as a child, "The Drama of the Gifted Child" by Alice Miller, privilege as a mitigated boon, the dual system model of behavior, and pleasure d...

The Death Card episode. Discussed: Noah Gabbard (R.I.P.), my largely non-religious upbringing, the tedium of the Bible, discovering Carl Sagan along with atheism/skepticism, and the story of how I stumbled on (or was led to re-discover) the I Ching, or Book of Changes. Mentioned: Noah Gabbard (Bombs for the Bored, HAIRSPRAYFIREANDGIRLS). Music: "Adventure" by Disasterpeace.

The dirty-dozenth episode. Discussed: Struggling with yourself and feeling like a werewolf because of it, seasonal affective disorder and sleeping through class this morning, in-camera effects and horror movies (The Exorcist, Dracula, The Blair Witch Project, etc.), feeling skeptical about self-care, laughing at Apple's "new" Bedtime feature for iPhone, Queen Latifah's recent self-care commercial...

The eleventh episode. Discussed: My appreciation for your positive feedback, [edited for content], being the Dean Koontz of podcasts, the films of Ruben Östland (Force Majeure, The Square) and Sean Baker (Tangerine, The Florida Project) vs. movies like Moonlight, building up this varsity level audience, the seasonal quality of celebrity, the creative virtue of the video game The Witness, and getti...

The first double-digit episode. Discussed: My creative collaborator, Gawain Mathews, the last three Paul Thomas Anderson films (There Will Be Blood, The Master, and Phantom Thread), feeling physically and psychologically defeated while running, deferring to other people's opinions, and classic anime movies. Mentioned: Gawain Mathews (musician/engineer/producer). Music: "Adventure" by Disasterpeace...

The re-recorded ninth episode. Discussed: Ancestry and adoption, the movies "Good Will Hunting" and "Searching for Bobby Fischer," heroism and human nature as depicted in the movie "Force Majeure," witnessing a traumatic car accident, being attacked by a dog, reports from suicide attempt survivors ("The Bridge," documentary), the Oakland Ghost Ship fire that killed 36 people in 2016, and the surre...

The hateful eighth episode. Discussed: Performing with Matt Nathanson at Wente Vineyards in Livermore yesterday, yawning, Jack Conte's advice to "publish at eighty-percent", and a dusting of other topics. Mentioned: Jack Conte (Scary Pockets, Patreon), Brian Bergeron (music), Jefferson Bergey (music). Music: "Adventure" by Disasterpeace.

The "Slevinth" episode. Discussed: A state of the union-type commentary on my creative life over the last few years and on seriously considering shifting my creative focus away from music and songwriting towards wherever the podcast is leading me. Mentioned: Gawain Mathews (producer/engineer), Jack Conte (Pomplamoose/Scary Pockets, Patreon), Jake Coco (music), Pat Hull (music). Music: "Adventure"...

The sixth episode. Discussed: The importance of *yawn* sleep, performative people, squandering money and power, hydration, revisiting history, Life is Beautiful ("Buongiorno, Principessa!"), my seventh grade English teacher, the state of the podcast, time slipping away, and my encroaching cultural irrelevance. Mentioned: Or, the Whale (music). Music: "Adventure" by Disasterpeace.

The fifth episode. Discussed: The cadence of comedy, using silence as a skill, and an unexpected interruption leads to the topic of embarrassing stories, including an emotional experience when your boy was shamed for using his mother's makeup. Music: "Adventure" by Disasterpeace.