This is M.

The horror-show hiccups that ended the last episode, reminding listeners about registering for Vote Forward, the impressive range of the lost dog posters for "Ponyo" in my neighborhood, recounting my brief ownership of a lost dog years ago, my girlfriend's need to see family, exploring the concept of compromise in relationships, the relative values of "fairness" and "happiness," therapy as a means...

Ominous camping conditions in Mt. Diablo State Park last weekend, getting robbed by raccoons, shying away from the video podcast for now, making sense of my nutty eighth-grade English teacher as an adult, making good on my commitment to the Vote Forward campaign, more thoughts on video game designer Jonathan Blow, using the "tears test" to determine if a creative project is worth your time, mediat...

Happy birthday to the podcast, the state of the world since last year, the rampant California wildfires, the apocalyptic air quality here in the Bay Area, camping in 105 degree heat in Lakeport last weekend, a protracted commentary on Charlie Kaufman's frustrating new film "I'm Thinking of Ending Things," the case for clarity in the midst of creative complexity, Christopher Nolan's "Inception," th...

Trouble sleeping, the cognitive dissonance of the James Legge translations of the Chinese Classics, the anxiety of tossing and turning, considering stepping away from therapy for now, not trusting my judgment when it comes to the big decisions in life, the difference between being funny and being smart, getting mired in unnecessary action, living up to an externalized expert's standards, and pract...

Our half marathon episode on the way to one hundred, settling into my new responsibilities at work, battling the undertow of email, running into my old buddy Tom Rhodes on a recent walk, catching up on our COVID lives, a protracted analysis on the pros and cons of feeling relieved at having taken on less responsibility at work, the advantages you stand to gain from assuming greater responsibilitie...

The end of my two-week vacation, an unexpected job opportunity after failing my last interview, the California wildfires and their impact on our recent camping trip, the loss of Big Basin Redwoods State Park, a lull in the conversation, recalling a horrible date that involved me falling down a flight of stairs and running out of things to say, other embarrassing early dating experiences, the value...

A surprise heat-wave in the Bay Area, sticking to social distancing while more and more people abandon it, not missing restaurants, the curious tradition of going to TGI Friday's as a family growing up, gearing up for camping tomorrow, the insanely high prices of outdoor recreational equipment, struggling to enjoy my two week vacation, a string of disappointments throughout the week, last night's...

The start of my two week vacation, falling short in a recent job interview, adjusting to spending my vacation overcoming the disappointment, the ongoing struggle of trying to "believe in myself" finally, looking out for the next best thing, accepting and rejecting feedback, getting some unsolicited feedback from a sound guy in Los Angeles years ago, dodging feedback during my audition for The Voic...

Preparing as best I can for a possible promotion at work, exploring the difference between my creative interests and my creative work, a writing assignment about cultural appropriation in my Communications class, the formative influence of Dancehall Reggae on my creative life, Buju Banton's song "Champion," Bounty Killer, writing and recording my own Dancehall song and not releasing it out of fear...

Finally getting around to seeing part of "Hamilton" on Disney+, how it relates to past musicals like "Rent" and "Jesus Christ Superstar," challenging myself not to say anything critical for one week, powering through "Indian Matchmaking" on Netflix, still struggling with an emotional relapse as the shelter-in-place continues, the cost-benefits of avoiding the news, people engaging in increasingly...

Feeling out of sorts around my birthday, not doing anything to celebrate it, reading Erving Goffman's sociological theory of "dramaturgy," returning to my favorite texts in Chinese philosophy, caring less about what is demonstrably true and more about about what is "true" for me as I get older, wanting to have my very personal worldview validated, there being nothing new under the sun, renovating...

Working better under pressure, Dave Chappelle's prophetic assessment of Joaquin Phoenix's "strange" period, the stress of moving my girlfriend into her new place, feeling emasculated in the presence of the movers, literally closing the door on a chapter of your life, my previous moves, trying to bottle the memory of Tikal in Guatemala, making a clean break with the past, a mortifying microaggressi...

The mystery of B.J. Novak's enduring presence in the title sequence of "The Office," needing escapist entertainment in the current cultural climate, the living installation of protest art in downtown Oakland, contemplating the cosmic work carried out through the murder of George Floyd, impacting the course of human history without aspiring to, being one of the first people to see Dave Chappelle's...

My favorite bands over the years, the perspective of two people in my personal life who listen to the podcast, a recent visit from my buddy Matt (our podcast MVP of 2019!), how distance has facilitated our friendship over the years, the recent allegations against Chris D'Elia, his influence on me starting a podcast, my inevitable disappointment with many of my creative influences, my continued int...

Returning to various interests from my childhood, reading Stephen King's "Misery" at eight years old, the virtues of Rich Vreeland (a.k.a. Disasterpeace - the composer of our theme music), creativity as a tool to explore the taboo, the anachronism of individualism in art, the case for "Coriolanus" as Shakespeare's best B-side, looking for lighter fare in entertainment recently, the cognitive disso...

Feeling conflicted about needing to comment on current events and being honest about my feelings at the same time, wanting to support the Black Lives Matter movement while being critical of many of its (mostly white) performative allies, this podcast as a document of my experience during this time in history, my brother's recent efforts to support BLM, looking for similar opportunities to do the s...

My brother's remote wedding this week, the recent protests and public response to the murder of George Floyd, gun violence inside my girlfriend's apartment building, battling the noisy neighbors on two fronts, people for whom the bare minimum is a bridge too far, the profound lameness of needing to broadcast yourself to the neighborhood, the performative aspect of protest, the carbon-copy commenta...

Suffering the current heat-wave, ruminating about a recent mis-step with my girlfriend, wrestling with my occasional need to be alone, preferring to be isolated for most of my life, trying to tease out my natural tendencies from maladaptive behaviors, anxiety as a tool to identify areas of your life that need attention, the plot-twist of therapy, learning to trust my own judgment, reconciling myse...

Re-recording the worst episode of the podcast, how I faired in finals this semester, complications with Chemistry, failing to feel accomplished, re-watching the James Cameron comedy/action classic "True Lies" with Arnold Schwarzenegger, a brief survey of the short story "Two Gallants" from James Joyce's "Dubliners," the need for today's artists to create consistently, audiences wanting an entire b...

Studying for finals, confirming my shift away from a creative career, getting out to the beach over the weekend, gaining weight in quarantine, addressing criticism, my refusal to post negative reviews, a nightmare Airbnb experience, envying other people's podcasts, giving my girlfriend an undershave, the reward of doing something just because you want to, a musical interlude, re-reading "Dubliners...

My limited capacity for the podcast recently, a vow to never address negative criticism of any kind again in the future,  the human vs. porpoise population and the plot-twist or non-linear trajectory of therapy, the art you consume vs. the art you create, the emotional avoidant aspect of chemical dependence, tensions mounting between neighbors during the shelter in place, the slow aesthetic of Kub...

A protracted analysis of a recent one-star review of the podcast, current failures as a microcosm of my creative career, the podcast as an exercise is resiliency, reconnecting with my creative compatriot Kevin (a.k.a. Field Medic), not being scared to start over, Theodore Roosevelt's "The Man in the Arena" quote, continuing to operate in the face of failure, continuing to absorb the uncertainty of...

Beginning to absorb the enormity of our current crisis, my recent interest in reality/dating shows, the prospect of moving in with my girlfriend, the fear of asking for what you want or need, people-pleasing to your own detriment, the on-set of cabin fever as the shelter in place continues, having the rug of certainty pulled out from under you, recounting various crises I was luckily able to avoid...

A circuitous conversation about failing my most recent Chemistry exam, the pain of failing at something you don't even care about, the resiliency required to navigate life, watching yourself do something you know you will regret later, the bias of successful people toward those who aren't, the responsibility of taking control of your life, the privileged class of aspiring creatives, the plot twist...

Feeling increasingly depressed as the shelter in place continues, recounting the time of my life when I turned thirty, feeling inspired to create my own Dracula-puppet-musical-type creative project (and NOT doing it), the cosmic Work carried out by certain creative individuals (Philippe Petit, Harry Houdini, etc.), the power of dedicating your life to something you truly feel called to do, the pat...