The Todd-Marshall Delirium

Also: • My Cat's Name is Chanel Rosenblatt • It Was Fingernails On My Aesthetic Chalkboard • Also, an Order of Yak • Sounds Like a Drum Fill, or Someone Falling Down the Stairs • The Penguin Shows Up in Overalls • I'd Say Root Beer is a Pretty Spectacular Invention • Get the Podium Off the Guy's Ribcage • The Most Xi'An-Ass Place You Could Find • I Have to Sit and Marinate in T...

Also: • Ascending Tier Lists of Either Clumsy or Homicidal People • Ruin the Masterpiece Retroactively • The Spanish Almost-Quasi-Fantasy-Horror • Are You Going to Tell George No? • I Should Name My Son "Fassbender" • Jesus of Nazareth is Your Cat • Countries That Allow Assassination • If They Find You Supping in Your House • Rats Chew Off Your Body Parts While You Sleep • Crushed, in at...

Also: • Stunning, Horrifying, and Excellent • Heteronormative Homosocial Posturing • A Large Screwdriver Fished Out of His Colon • Military Men Confess Their Sins • Pepe the Horny Frenchman • When You Feel Like Making a Booty Call • Fish Stink From the Head Down • He Drinks a Whiskey Drink, He Drinks a Vodka Drink • Henry Kissinger Finally Dies • Grandma's Spectacular Pancakes Recorded July 4...

Also: • It Rained Orange Juice and Froze Overnight • Every Audiophile's Wet Dream • They Tumble Through the Cheese Cloth Pretty Fast • The Hour of Sleep You Get After You Pee • It's Like Trying to Schedule Sex • Libidos, and How Autistic You Both Are • I'll Be Back on a Horse • Show Up to School Without Pants On • Fresh, Minty Jet Spray Wash for the Inside of My Brain • You'd B...

Also: • At Peak Manic Right Now • Let's Talk About What Meds You're On • GenXers are More Wizened • The Breathless Excitement of Sex in a Barn • Raised on Hose Water and Neglect • Yes, They're Just a Cesspool of Horny • Rabbit Trails Exploding Across the Transom • Hippies So Hairy and Dirty They Look Like Wookies • Huffing VHS Cleaner • Afrikaans is Just Twisted, Convoluted Dutch Re...

Also: • Five Minutes in and We're Several Faux Pas Deep • Having Pabulum Infused Directly Into My Veins • I'm Rot Maxing Today • He Spelled His Name "Hen3ry" • I Have a Dirty Penguin Joke at Some Point • For All I Know You Could be Naked • Full Body Armor and a Kalashnikov Were a Daily Thing • It Looks Like You Blew a Seal • The Most Irish Euphemism for Bombings and Retaliatory...

Also: • I Hang Out With Weirdos, Not Creeps • My Eyes are Tired, As is My Soul, But Yet I Frolic • Literally Carrying Buckets of Piss and Shit • Almost Like a Kind of Radar • Ever Go to Those Swinger Parties Where Everyone Puts Their Keys in a Bowl? • Norovirus, or Other Such Explosive Afflictions • Did You Interact With a Boob Today? • Task Failed Successfully! • We All Poop, Except the Queen • Y...

Also: • Aardvark, Van der Kaamp, Beethoven, Roosevelt, Ruurlo • I Was a Ho, Bryan • Funny How White These Schools Were • What Generation of Communist Sympathizers are They Raising? • I Oughta Kick Your Ass Right Up Between Your Eyeballs • We Have Local Blast Chambers • The Booty Was Called, the Booty Responded • He's a Filthy, Greasy Rat Bag, and Kind of a Pervert • Hank and His Kleptomaniaca...

Also: • Easily the Most Petty Version of Nebraska Behavior • Hiding Behind the Piano, Sobbing • With the Jawbone of a Donkey, Heaps Upon Heaps • It's Up There With Lemon-Scented Contacts • A Minimum of Three Genocides • He's a Cuz Nuzzler • Bilhah and Zilpah Get the Shaft Coming and Going • We're Going Back to Mud Huts, Folks • It Danced Out of His Brain Like a Wood Sprite • I'...

Also: • Judges is an Adorably Problematic Book • Unwilling to Tear Open Your Friend's Chest Cavity • Feelin' Pretty Fucking Unappreciated, Al • It's a Manifestation of the Infinite Microculture • I Can Finally Bring Out My White Pumps • You Know This Was a Sexual Audition, Right? • Put in in February, Like the Icelanders Do • The Accumulation of Stupid Questions Into a Cluster Calho...

Also: • Wearing a Sandwich Board in Front of a Del Taco • Not the Least Interested in Cocaine Right Now • Mow My Lawn Menacingly • Where the Hell You Came Up With Iron Ore • Oh, There's No End of Whimsy • A Mishmash of Fabrications and Paranoid Fantasies • Diving Headfirst Into the Quicksand • The Most Gay I've Ever Felt in My Entire Life • Your Very Own Personal Zapruder • A Triangle Fr...

Also: • Speaking as an Amateur Body Builder With Truly Middling Results • It Doesn't, as Far as I Know, Creep Anyone Out • Five Beats or Three Dry Swallows • Did Somebody Poop During This Session? • Inviting Myself Into That Big Giant Cornucopia • Throw 5-Year-Olds Off a 10-Story Building • Izzy's Glizzy Party • Long Stretches of "Kitty Cat in Extreme Peril" • God Bless Those B...

Also: • A Bromance Between a Robot and a Dog • Of Course It's a Werewolf Thing • Once You've Discovered a Japanese Toilet • Hey Everybody, My Just Dad Died! • That's an Expensive and Dangerous Philosophy • The Fact That I Have Nipples • Leaking Gasoline and Melted Crayons • The Maori Eat Each Other • Sit in a Chair and Watch the Emperor Sleep • You Can't Call Us "Bitch&quo...

Also: • Penis Envy is a Hot Tub Time Machine • My Negative Harumphy Vibes • An Epistemologist Feeling a Little Cantankerous • Was it the Tip or the Shaft? • A Teaspoon's Dollop of the Blue Honey • The Substance Tolerance of a 93-Pound Vietnamese Girl • My 6th Erectile Dysfunction Test This Week • Rapid Onset Ego Death • Surely There are Witch Doctors in London • I Can Barely Stand Ezra Klein...

Also: • He Didn't Want to Take the Spigot Out of the Guy's Leg • Do You Do Caffeine Enemas for Fun? • Ingest Adrenaline By Drinking the Blood of Your Enemies • Someone's Always Plotting a Genocide • Hoisted By His Own Petard • I've Been Thinking a Lot About Impaling • A Lead Stake Moving 52,000 Miles an Hour • I Have Eaten Pig Brain, By the Way • Oh, No: You Go Straight to Hell...

Also: • I'm Schnauzing the VapoRub Kleenex • As Australian as it is Gay • Unless They're Actively Bludgeoning People on the Battlefield • Close Enough to Pejorativize • Never Say "Supposedly" When "Ostensibly" Will Do • That's Literally Onanism • Tie My Head to an Anthill and Smear My Ears in Jam • His is a Teeny But Hers is Not • Accused of Banging the Cubs&apos...

Also: • Fat Men Play With Their Garden Hoses • Do You Know What the Term "Twink Death" Is? • Downward Volatility Sucks! • I Like a Good Liminal Space • To His Horror He Finds Himself in Hell • James Ray, My Little Minion • Something You Might Pour Over Your Spaghetti • All Mimsy Were the Borogoves • Jive Turkey Ain't Got No Brains Anyhow • Did You See Anybody With a Smudge on Their...

Also: • The Scrawlings of a Madman on the Walls of His Cell • Our Measurement Here is Sheboygan's Yardstick • You are Bruce Banner, and I Keep Poking You • I Don't Always Want to Be the Straight Man to Your Idiocy • Go to the Amazon and Get Stung by a Bullet Ant • Does This Involve Jergens and Kleenex? • Holes in the Fabric of the American Fast Food Patchwork • He Got Some Pep in His Ric...

Also: • One of the Quasi-Protagonists, Although He's a Douchebag • I Get Light-Headed and Itchy • What is This, a Zaphod Beeblebrox Universe? • That's the Shit I Thought Bossa Nova Saved Us From • The Shock Completely Annihilated Her Brain • Famously, a Show About Nothing • A Genius Doing Insufferable Microtonal Music • I'm Going to Crucify You at the Stake! • Written From, To, and...

Also: • Because I Really Did Hate This Radio Station • Every Mainlander is a Yenta • I Dunno ... Ask My Dead Parents • It Was a Letter Full of Direct Personal Insults • A Tsunami of Insectile Flesh • She Will Make Me Happy, and Bear Me Many Babies • A Friend of Mine Has a Frog Deck • 38% of GenZers are Not Having Sex • Dark, Scowly, Wrinkly Faces • A Bunch of Entries Under the Heading "Unclea...

Also: • Common Everyday Working Laxatives • Chase Ass Till the Cows Came Home • Moses Floated Down the Nile on Hot Water • I Really Hope My Parents are Having Sex • A Fever-Sweat of Desperate Libido • Once Upon a Time, Before Orange Man • Was Satan Attacking Your Chinese Neighbors Too? • Woo-Woo and Witch-Doctor Kinda Stuff • Caught in the Baptismal at a Church Lock-In • My Old Ass is Very Gen Z R...

Also: • I'm on Tenterhooks and Walking on Eggshells • Calling Chinese Cuisine "Lunar Food" • At Risk of Committing 69 Microaggressions • When am I? • Big Company! Eat Little Company! Bad! Bad! • 3 Days in a Hotel Room Ralphing • Dead Pig Parts Sitting Out in the Marketplace • Every Word Would Have to Stink of Heaven • My Guitar's Producer Placebo Toggle • Carrying Around Some T...

Also: • For Weeks They Fed Me Food on a Pole • You'd Make a Really Shitty Unitarian Universalist • Steal Some of Their Coffee Before We Go • The Average Swede Has 1.99 Legs • Like Being a Bull Elephant in the Serengeti • He's Been Jibbering for 6 Days Straight • Incredible Amounts of Subterfuge and Testosterone • Spaff it Into the Floorboards • A Giant Exercise in Rage Machine Clickbait...

Also: • O'Reilly Auto Parts and a Story About Hookers • It Literally Means "Dog Ass" • The Opium Den Had More Drapes Than I Thought • Paul McCartney Didn't Need to Pee • Certified Pre-Owned Virgins • The God-King of the New Chinese-American Interbreeding • I'm Going to Lay Down and Rot Instead • Sucking Sludge for Safety-Kleen • Your Dulcet Tones and Your Excellent Face •...

Also: • Cut That Proverbial Baby in Half • Do People Cross Rainbow Bridges? • Adam Called Me Honky • Chugging Along, Still Cutting Down Trees • We've Found the Chinese Übermensch • A Burnt Out, Drug-Addled Guy Named Reverend Jim • Didn't Require a Shot of Penicillin • Caught in the Boys' Shower With the Home Ec Teacher • You're Not Sticking This Up in People's Faces • A Di...