The Mental Load Chronicles

Send us Fan Mail We knew we needed to talk about the summer. Actually having that conversation took two tries. One of us was carrying frustration from months of camp logistics, changing schedules, work trips, and figuring out who needed to be where. The other hadn’t realized how much was building—and reading the episode outline felt like being handed a performance review he didn’t know was coming....

Send us Fan Mail We planned the hotels, the park days, the food, and the slower mornings. Then something happened that wasn’t on the itinerary. In the final episode of our Disney mental load series, we’re talking about what happened when our carefully planned vacation hit an unexpected medical situation—and familiar relationship patterns came rushing back. We both went into problem-solving mode. W...

Send us Fan Mail Ten peanut butter and jelly sandwiches don’t make themselves. Neither does the grocery order. Or the bag of snacks. And those water bottles still need washing when everyone gets back to the hotel exhausted. In this episode of The Mental Load Chronicles, we’re talking about feeding a family at Disney—and all the planning, carrying, spending, and remembering that comes with it. For...

Send us Fan Mail When a bathroom break feels like a threat to the itinerary, maybe it’s time to rethink the itinerary. We’ve always been a rope-drop family. Get there early, stay late, squeeze in every ride, and make sure we’re getting our money’s worth. But someone has to keep track of the bathroom breaks, the parade times, the hungry kids, and everything we might miss. And that person doesn’t ge...

Send us Fan Mail We paid more for convenience. Then it took an hour and 15 minutes to get back to our hotel. In this episode, we’re breaking down the hotel decisions behind our Disney mental-load experiment—and the uncomfortable discovery that a more expensive hotel doesn’t necessarily create less mental load. Instead of choosing the prettiest lobby, the most impressive theme, or the resort everyo...

Send us Fan Mail Disney has invisible jobs everywhere. Long before anyone walks through the park gates, someone has already compared park hours, special events, hotels, transportation, dining, tickets, and ride strategies. Then the trip begins, and so do hundreds of new micro-decisions. What goes in the park bag? Will it rain? Who carries the ponchos? Does everyone have water, medication, snacks,...

Send us Fan Mail We’re back! We’re opening Season Two with a family experiment inspired by one very familiar post-vacation feeling: “I ran the trip. I didn’t go on the trip.” After our last Disney vacation in November, everyone else came home with wonderful memories. The person who had managed the plans, priorities, questions, and day-of decisions came home needing a vacation from the vacation. (c...

Send us Fan Mail After more than 40 episodes, we’re wrapping up season one of The Mental Load Chronicles and taking a summer break before returning for season two in September. In this episode, we look back on what this first season has actually done for our marriage, our household, and the way we talk about the mental load. Spoiler: we have not magically solved it. There are still moments where o...

Send us Fan Mail Being a working parent is hard. But being a working mom often comes with an extra layer of guilt, expectation, judgment, and invisible logistics that can feel impossible to set down. In this episode, we talk about the difference between being a working mom and a working dad — not because dads don’t carry stress, but because moms are often expected to work like they don’t have kids...

Send us Fan Mail High school graduation came with balloons, cupcakes, parking instructions, party planning, family logistics, emotional surprises, and one very strange moment involving a graduation card. In this episode, we unpack the mental load of our first kid graduating high school: what worked, what didn’t, what we would do differently, and why the party itself may have been the easy part. We...

Send us Fan Mail What do moms really want for Mother’s Day? Sometimes it’s not brunch. Sometimes it’s not flowers. Sometimes it’s not a spa day. In this episode, we unpack the Mother’s Day moment that became much bigger than cupcakes, graduation party planning, or one quick conversation in the car.  We talk about why asking for what you really want can feel so vulnerable, why moms often don’t know...

Send us Fan Mail We’re revisiting the “Magic” cards from Eve Rodsky’s Fair Play deck — the cards that cover the softer, sweeter, and sneakier parts of family life: birthdays, holidays, gifts, magical beings, romance, extended family, hard questions, showing up for kids, and who handles random school closures. Some things are working better than they used to. Some things have quietly drifted back t...

Send us Fan Mail In this episode, we’re talking about something deeply personal, often avoided, and yes… a little uncomfortable: the mental load of personal safety . We come into this from very different places. One of us served six years on active duty in the military. The other swore she would never touch a gun, take a class, or even consider it. And yet—here we are. After years of quiet mental...

Send us Fan Mail In this episode, we’re talking about the mental load of kids sports — and more specifically, the chaos, cost, logistics, and emotional weight of youth gymnastics. After getting home at 9:30 p.m. from a competition the night before Easter, we realized just how much family labor goes into even “entry-level” sports. From practice schedules and competition fees to leotards, siblings,...

Send us Fan Mail Not quite two months after losing Winston, we are getting the question everyone seems to ask way too soon: are we getting another dog? In this episode, we do a lightning round on the real question behind the dog question. Is this about Ruth being lonely? About us missing Winston? About feeling guilty because there are dogs that need homes? Or is it about whether our family actuall...

Send us Fan Mail Some weeks, everything stacks at once—school events, holidays, work, life… all of it. This week, we didn’t have the capacity to record a full episode. And instead of pushing through, we chose to set something down. If you’re overwhelmed right now, this is your permission slip. Take something off your plate. Check us out on Instagram

Send us Fan Mail This week, we revisit the Fair Play Out deck and go card by card through the "Out" deck we talked through before. From weekend plans, points/miles/coupons, and travel to birthday party logistics, auto, local packing and unpacking, cash and bills, and calendar keeping , we check in on what’s actually working, what still defaults back to old habits, and where shared system...

Send us Fan Mail Summer camp sounds simple… until you’re the one planning it. In this episode, we turn summer camp into a game show—because honestly, it kind of is one. From half-day camps that don’t cover your workday to last-minute cancellations and the never-ending logistics of childcare, we break down the real mental load behind “just signing your kids up for camp.” Then we shift from chaos to...

Send us Fan Mail You think you’re arguing about clutter. You’re not. In this episode, we unpack the mental load of stuff — who tracks it, who organizes it, who knows where everything is, and what happens when one partner silently reaches their boiling point. From stacked laundry rooms to labeled “vomit supplies,” from a basement full of baby gear to a fabric bin that survived three states and twen...

Send us Fan Mail This week we talk more about the weight of ADHD in a marriage. What does it feel like to carry more of the mental load when your partner’s brain works differently? We discuss: Boomerang tasks that never truly leave your plate The emotional exhaustion of not being fully “heard” The surprising benefits of ADHD in marriage And most importantly — why self-understanding is the key to p...

Send us Fan Mail ADHD doesn’t just affect the person who has it. It lives in the marriage. In this episode, we dig into how his ADHD shows up in our relationship — from the infamous “squirrel” moments to dropped balls, emotional misfires, and the invisible mental load that builds over time. We talk about: What ADHD actually looks like in daily life How diagnosis changed everything (and he says sav...

Send us Fan Mail Six months. We can’t quite believe it either. In this episode, we pause the experiment and ask five big questions: What surprised you the most? Has anything changed how you see our marriage? What’s been harder than expected? Has the mental load actually shifted — or are we just talking about it more? If we stopped tomorrow, what would we hope to keep? We talk about accountability,...

Send us Fan Mail This week, we’re talking about something that sounds simple… until it’s not. Sickness. Not the dramatic, life-altering kind.  The everyday, run-of-the-mill, freight-train-hit-me-overnight kind. When one of you is down for the count — but the kids still need rides, the dog still needs meds, the fridge repair guy is still coming, and dinner still needs to happen — who carries what?...

Send us Fan Mail Romance doesn’t disappear because people stop loving each other—it disappears when there’s no capacity left. In this episode, we talk honestly about how the mental load affects romance, intimacy, and connection in long-term relationships. From becoming “roommates,” to keeping score, to why even planning a trip can feel exhausting, we unpack what actually happens when life is opera...

Send us Fan Mail Six months ago, we worked through the Home Deck from the Fair Play system. In this episode, we revisit it — not to start over, but to see what actually changed. What surprised us most wasn’t a chore swap or a new system. It was language. We talk about why “tell me what to do” still leaves the mental load intact, how concrete offers of help can feel radically different, and what it...