The Kindness Code

The consensus in children's services is that foster care is preferable because it offers a family setting. But whose definition of family are we using? This episode challenges one of the most quiet assumptions in our sector. Across most of the world, children are raised by villages - by communities of consistent, loving adults. When a looked after child lives that reality, we call it institutional...

Nobody taught them what they feel. because nobody ever sat with them and said: that feeling in your chest? That's anger. That one? That's sad. That one? That's love. That one? That's excitement. / Andy Baker made a point in this week's episode that I haven't been able to shake. If a child doesn't know they're getting angry…they can't stop themselves from hitting. If nobody described their emotions...

Four homes. Three schools. Two surnames. How does a looked after child answer the question "who are you?” - and what happens when nobody helps them figure it out? This episode makes the case that identity is one of the strongest protective factors we consistently underinvest in. We cover disconnection, why most life story work falls short, and the single question every professional can ask in...

This is so important. Please share this with anyone who works in children’s homes, foster care, education, or anywhere around children who have been let down by adults. Loved this convo with Jane Keenan - she has 37 years experience and this podcast is incredible for learning - because making difference in care is about is constantly learning: How we show up better for our kids. How we put our ego...

The 2am shift: therapeutic parenting when you're exhausted, understaffed and on your own   It's 2am. A young person is in crisis. You've been on shift for nine hours. And someone in your training told you to stay regulated.   This episode gets honest about what therapeutic parenting really looks like at the sharp end of a night shift - why night time is uniquely triggering for looked aft...

"I didn't leave the care system. The care system left me."   Sam Gardner spent 21 years in care. He now delivers transformative talks and training for those supporting care-experienced children -and is one of the most powerful voices in the sector.   His message to anyone working with children in care comes down to one word:   Stay.   Stay when they push you away. Stay when the...

What makes a house feel like home for a child in care? In this episode, we explore how emotional safety, consistent relationships, and everyday moments of connection create a true sense of belonging. Because a home isn’t just where a child lives - it’s where they feel safe, seen, and accepted, even on the hard days. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You know when you buy a new car, and suddenly you see the same car everywhere? The cars haven’t magically multiplied. Your brain has just started noticing what you’ve told it to look for. This came up in this week’s episode of The Kindness Code Podcast with Andy Baker , author of Targeting the Positive with Behaviours that Challenge - and honestly, it really stopped me. Because if a whole staff te...

More than a label This week on The Kindness Code, we’re joined by Bethaney Dixon . From lived experience to building a movement… Bethaney shares how her own journey through the care system led her to create Adelphi – turning lived experience into a growing movement that supports care-experienced people through guidance, community, and partnerships across the UK. Together, we explore what it really...

Managing disclosures: when a child tells you something big It rarely happens when you expect it. It happens in the car. At the sink. Mid-cartoon. In the silence after a hard day — when a child finally decides you're the one they're going to tell. What you say in the next ten seconds matters more than almost anything else you'll do in your shift. In this episode, Carmel and Chelsea talk through how...

A new placement. A new school. A new key worker. A new bedtime. For most children, transitions are uncomfortable. For looked after children, they can feel catastrophic — and the behaviour that follows is almost always misread. In this episode, Carmel and Chelsea go beneath the surface of what's really happening when a young person "kicks off" during change — and why the nervous system doesn't care...

Children don't behave in challenging ways "just because." Behaviour is communication — their voice when words fail. In this episode, Carmel and Chelsea unpack what it means to treat behaviour as a message rather than a problem to stop. Chelsea shares the story of AJ, a young person whose withdrawal, shouting and breaking of items felt personal to staff — until they noticed the pattern. His behavio...

In this episode, Carmel and Chelsea explore one of the most important ideas in residential childcare: connection not correction. When a child is dysregulated, correction doesn't reach them - because they don't feel safe. And when a child doesn't feel safe, they can't learn or reflect, only protect themselves. Chelsea shares what she's learned over a decade in children's residential care, including...

Welcome to the pilot episode of The Kindness Code. Carmel Saulbrey and Chelsea Bailey introduce a new podcast for people working with children and young people in residential care. In this opening conversation, they share why kindness - shown thoughtfully, intentionally and consistently -sits at the heart of meaningful work with care-experienced children. They talk about behaviour as communication...