The Horror Virgin

All you have to do is provide 90s rapper level bling and food." This week's scariest movie is... 28 Years Later. This film has everything: Edgar Allan Poe boys, the freshest skulls you'll ever see, And how one famous podcast sees himself. If you love Diet Coke tattoos, castle envy, and showcase showdown swagger, this episode's for you! Please Subscribe, Rate, and Review The Horror Virgin to help m...

“I just wish it wasn’t the grapefruit method" This week's scariest movie is... Bring Her Back. This film has everything: a sexy and shirtless Jesus digging up the dead, a 10 year old that can't stop biting things, and just enough rules for Brian McKnight to write a hit about. If you love soul smoothie makers, evil bead curtains, and rain filled pools, this episode's for you! Please Subscribe, Rate...

"We named the dog Indy." This week's scariest movie is... Good Boy. This film has everything: Pausing for paws. WW1 pilots. And playing fetch till your arm falls off. If you love kibble noodle soup energy, top-billed dogs, and serious Courage the Cowardly Dog energy, this episode's for you! Please Subscribe, Rate, and Review The Horror Virgin to help more people discover our community. What did yo...

"Worst. Criss. Angel. Magic trick. Ever." This week's scariest movie is... The Conjuring Last Rites. This film has everything: Egg Whites. Science Romeos. And Realty recommendations that you should not take. If you love Shakespeare-in-a-toolshed riffs, basement John Wayne portraits, and common-sense yelling at pitch-black rooms, this episode's for you! Please Subscribe, Rate, and Review The Horror...

"Keep our hot cocoa hot and our ankles unclaimed." The Horror Virgin: This week's scariest movie is... Krampus. This film has everything: Snow Huluds,. Mouths agape, and proof the cocaine must just be amazing. If you love snowy nonsense wordplay, deadpan anatomy burns, and holiday hijinks, this episode's for you! Please Subscribe, Rate, and Review The Horror Virgin to help more people discover our...

“Olivia Colman, calm down.” This week's scariest movie is... Hot Fuzz. This film has everything: Ocular patdowns. A loose swan. And a the most charming bond to walk the earth. If you love buddy-cop bromance, murder-murder-murder chants, and suggestive headlines, this episode's for you! Please Subscribe, Rate, and Review The Horror Virgin to help more people discover our community. What did you thi...

“Camp becomes like a frozen purgatorial church retreat.” This week’s scariest movie is… The Black Phone 2. This film has everything: the real Miracle on Ice, Tommy Tutone, and yet another franchise trapping a killer in a camp's lake, If you love snowbound witchcraft, Dream-Warrior energy, and tractor-on-ice logic, this episode’s for you! Please Subscribe, Rate, and Review The Horror Virgin to help...

“You got ghosts in your blood, take cocaine about it.” This week’s scariest movie is… Frankenstein. This film has everything: A 7-foot Adonis Smurf, a classic “He said/He Said,” and an episode that goes deep on the kind of nerds our hosts are.  If you love aggressively thirsty tall-guy discourse, literary-brain horror tangents, and spiraling debates about what actually makes someone a monster...

“I hereby sentence you to adventure.” This week’s fog-soaked headless whodunit is... Sleepy Hollow (1999). This film has everything: CSI:1799. Turn in your wood badge and your musket. And The Strangest place to find a dead pigeon. If you love deadpan spooky behavior, backwards-in-heels heroics, gleeful small-town gossip, and deliciously petty continuity nitpicks, this episode’s for you! Please Sub...

“this is I Know What You Did Last Summer, but with Turkey.” This week’s most carved-up holiday horror movie is... Thanksgiving (With Special Guest Joe Kay!!!!). This film has everything: New holiday traditions. A head smashed Gershon. And a thermometer pop that will make you scream. If you love retail riots, pilgrim-mask menace, gleeful small-town gossip, and the crispy crunch of seasonal payback,...

“He’s hanging by his junk... his stomach junk, not his testicle junk.” This week’s grimiest outbreak horror movie is... Blood Quantum. This film has everything: a bridge-top poop drop, an undead Big Mouth Billy Bass, the best name for a strip club north of the US border. If you love rat fight clubs, zombie allegories to human nature, and a country that really wants you to know it paid for a movie!...

“It was the best of tits. It was the worst of tits.” This week’s most insane horror movie is... ThanksKilling. This film has everything: savory flavored condoms, Terrible depictions of the faceblind, And a closing tag line only Samuel Jackson could say, but didn’t. If you love holiday thirst traps, chaotic misrecognition, and big-screen smack talk, this episode’s for you! Please Subscribe, Rate, a...

Happy Halloween HV Fam!!! Since a lot of you have been asking for this episode, we thought it might be nice for you all to hear our thoughts on Crimson Peak!!! -Todd “He’s the worst ophthalmologist ever, he never saw any of this coming.” This week’s hottest movie is... Crimson Peak. This film has everything: a six foot baguette sadly loafing around, terrible real estate choices, And a mother doesn...

“Tommy Doyle could have just gone to therapy, but we’re glad he didn’t.” This week’s scariest horror movie is... Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers. This film has everything: children wielding knives, planets slowly coming into alignment, and one of the best places to give birth to a demon child. If you love Dr. Myers OBGYN, Religious Cults, and bringing a knife to a slap fight, this episode’s...

“It’s like an angsty teenager blew up because it was forced to shower.” This week’s scariest listener request movie is... Alien 3. This film has everything: A soon to be star director getting screwed by the studio, An unsexy prison monk scenario, AND that prison is still somehow safer for Ripley than any church. If you love industrial dread, prison monks, and men in rubber suits, this episode’s fo...

“You might say those two guys have a hand job.” This week’s scariest meta movie is... Wes Craven’s New Nightmare. This film has everything: a murderous Thing hand, terrible sex toy suggestions, And the craziest Mangione theory you’ve ever heard. If you love runaway limbs, ill-advised bedroom gadgets, and the truth finally getting out there, this episode’s for you! Please Subscribe, Rate, and Revie...

“I don’t remember A Bug’s Life having this much religion in it.” This week’s scariest horror movie is... Exorcist II: The Heretic. This film has everything: a locust DJ, a shaman/scientist in a lab coat. a vibe that is way to much star wars to be as bad as it is. If you love bug-fueled bangers and shamanic science whiplash this episode’s for you! What did you think of our episode on Weapons? Tell...

“All I saw was a feel-good film about an aunt who loved her nephew so much she’d stop at nothing to plan a sleepover for him.” This week’s most chaotic PTA-nightmare horror movie is... Weapons. This film has everything: heat-seeking children, Thumbs Up Seven Up, And the strangest fast food theories since everyone stopped using the playplaces but know one talks about why. If you love feral playgrou...

This week’s wiggiest horror movie is... Van Helsing. This film has everything: a wig that out-monsters the monsters, an electrical Wonka, And a that might be having a little bit too much fun. If you love catastrophic hair, candy-coated mad science, and truly maximalist nonsense, this episode’s for you! What did you think of our episode on Renfield? Tell us on social media @HorrorVirgin or @HorrorV...

“This is the first time that Nicolas Cage has ever been stopped by a circle of cocaine.” This week’s nastiest toxic-boss horror movie is… Renfield. This film has everything: Corporate Dracula, Welcome-Mat Vampire Law, and the most truthful line ever yelled at the police at the beginning of a chase. If you love quitting your immortal boss, doormat loopholes, and Ben Schwartz on pharmacy time, this...

“He is just shipping himself with snacks.” This week’s bougiest coffin-cruise horror movie is… The Last Voyage of the Demeter. This film has everything: a vampire who mails himself across Europe with provisions. Blood bag wisdom brought to you by Snapple. And an idea for a Dracula movie so brave it will never happen… again. If you love bougie undead meal prep and blockbuster pitches that should ab...

“This is why we shouldn’t have made women wear corsets.” This week’s prettiest fever dream is… Nosferatu. This film has everything: a naked blood-circle fax machine. Some of the absolute worst period-accurate hair. And a villain that edges so hard when he final gets what he's after it, literally kills him. If you love moody gothic vibes, unexplainable vampire etiquette, and horny morality tales, t...

“My dick is encased in wax. It’s the ultimate condom.” This week’s horniest fire hazard of a horror movie is House of Wax . This film has everything: wax-on-wax violence, Quentin Tarantino’s evil twin, and smoldering chemistry only ruined by shared parentage. If you love incestual tension, foot trauma, and the slowest wax-based final fight in horror history, this episode’s for you! Please Subscrib...

“He’s wearing more flair than an Applebee’s assistant manager" This week’s hungriest horror movie is… Bones and All. This film has everything: A Donkey-Kong victory dance to a KISS tune, Ethical-cannibalism campfire rules, and the most understandable abandonment you'll ever seen on the silver screen. If you love road-trip vibes, meaty metaphors, and unhinged food discourse, this episode’s for you!...

“I’m just impressed by the loyalty of the Funky Bunch.” This week’s most unhinged horror-thriller is… Fear . This film has everything: the unwavering loyalty of the Funky Bunch, the death of a german Kaiser, and a crew you can’t tell is a rock band or the Bling Ring…but either way, they’re showing up to your house and it’s not for rehearsal. If you love questionable life choices, possible paternal...