Soiled Restroom Cinema

The Cinematic Flushers take on a Blue Man Group killer!  When a college student ( Lindsay Lohan ) is abducted and left for dead by a serial killer, she awakens to find herself missing two limbs and believing she's a stripper named Dakota Moss. She then sets out to unravel the mystery of her abduction.  What follows are 105 minutes of terrible dancing, obvious red herrings, confusing editing, Lohan...

The Cinematic Flushers take on gambling!  When a Princeton student ( Justin Timberlake ) loses his life savings in an online poker match, he travels to Costa Rica to confront the businessman ( Ben Affleck ) who may have cheated him.  What follows are 88 minutes of pretty locations, paid vacation acting, gambling dialogue, and actress Gemma Arterton  sporting a Donald Trump tan. Special guests this...

We're back!  The Cinematic Flushers take on an Alexandre Dumas classic in the first new episode of 2017!   When the villainous Lord Buckingham ( Orlando Bloom ) builds a Da Vinci airship and threatens France, it's up to the noble D'Artagnan ( Logan Lerman ) and the veteran Musketeers to save their country.  What follows are 110 minutes of goofy wigs, bad CGI, drag show costumes, and a bloated Jame...

It's our year end bonus episode!  The Cinematic Flushers take on Time Square! When a wide assortment of New Yorker's lives ( Robert De Niro , Zac Efron , Hilary Swank  among them) begin to intersect on New Year's Eve, what follows are 113 minutes of paycheck cashing acting, Lifetime network plot points, musical montages, and Ryan Seacrest . We love feedback!  Email us at signalsoffury@gmail.com  w...

It's JINGLE TURDS month!  The Cinematic Flushers take on an internet meme! When a young girl ( Megan Charpentier ) makes a holiday wish into a shopping mall wishing well, she's suddenly able to hear every obnoxious comment Grumpy Cat (voiced by Aubrey Plaza ) makes.  What follows are 85 minutes of lame jokes, shameless product placement, Lifetime quality acting, and dim witted villains. Joining us...

JINGLE TURDS month continues!  The Cinematic Flushers take on Tool Time!  When a suburban couple ( Tim Allen , Jamie Lee Curtis ) send their only daughter off to college and decide to take a cruise for Christmas, they run into opposition from their overly festive neighbors (led by Dan Aykroyd ).  What follows are 99 minutes of recycled gags, stale jokes, boring characters, and misplaced sentiment....

Jingle Turds month continues!  The Cinetmatic Flushers take on a wrestling Santa! When a self absorbed fitness guru ( Hulk Hogan ) takes a blow to the head, he momentarily thinks he's Santa Claus and now feels compelled to help protect an orphanage from being taken over by a rejected Bond villain ( Ed Begley Jr. ).  What follows are 93 minutes of goofy sound effects, cartoon characters, insane plo...

It's Jingle Turds month!  The Cinematic Flushers take on a live action holiday classic!  When the nasty Grinch (a painfully unfunny Jim Carrey ) sets out to stop the Who's Christmas celebration, he discovers the true meaning of Christmas through tons of unnecessary backstory, ugly makeup, overblown production design, and off color jokes.  Happy Holidays! Joining us as part of our extended co-flush...

Happy Thanksgiving!  The Cinematic Flushers take on unfunny thieves!  When a high rise apartment manager ( Ben Stiller ) gets unfairly fired by his financially corrupt employer ( Alan Alda ), he assembles a team of inept ex-employees to help him steal $20 million from a hidden safe.  What follows are 104 minutes of unfunny dialogue, forgettable characters, lame plot twits, and the once talented Ed...

The Cinematic Flushers take on well groomed eyebrows!  When a group of college kids ( Joey Lawrence  among them) decide to party it up at a rental home in Florida, they must discover the identity of a mysterious masked killer before it's too late. What follows are 90 minutes of off screen kills, boring characters, lame party scenes, and the late Jeff Conaway  thinking he's appearing in a X-FILES e...

The Cinematic Flushers take on low budget zombies!  When a lone warrior ( Martin Copping ) runs into a group of zombie apocalypse survivors (led by a barely there Danny Trejo ), all hell breaks loose as they fight for survival across the Nevada desert.  What follows are 90 minutes of bad CGI effects, community theater acting, endless narration, and stripper pole dancing. Our special guest this tim...

The Cinematic Flushers take on headbands and permed hair!  When a group of rebels (led by Henry Silva ) threaten to wipe out a small middle eastern country somewhere in Arizona, it's up to an elite phantom army led by Ace Hunter ( Barry Bostwick ) to put an end to their reign of terror.  What follows are 99 minutes of flying motorcycles, disco jumpsuits, bad accents, and pornstache. Special shout...

The Cinematic Flushers take on Universal's monsters!  When the Lord of Vampires ( Richard Roxburgh ) seeks to unleash his brood upon the world and wipe out humanity, it's up to Vatican appointed monster killer Van Helsing ( Hugh Jackman ) to put a stake through his evil heart.  Along for the CGI monster mash is UNDERWORLD's Kate Beckinsale , who's no stranger to this type of nonsense. Special gues...

The Cinematic Flushers take on videogame zombies!  When a group of Seattle party goers attend an exclusive rave on a remote island, they find themselves in a fight for survival when the local undead inhabitants turn up to crash the party. What follows are 90 minutes of gratuitous nudity, low budget makeup, videogame quality acting, and actor Jurgen Prochnow  essentially doing a lazy retread of his...

The Cinematic Flushers take on sword fighting vampires!  When a group of Hot Topic bloodsuckers (led by  Parker Posey ) locates the Ultimate Vampire ( Dominic Purcell ) in Iraq and restores him to life so he can wipe out humanity, it's up to tax evading vampire killer Blade ( Wesley Snipes ) to put a stop to him.  What follows are nearly two hours of slow motion walking, goofy fight scenes, and co...

It's SCARY TURDS month!  When a town full of central Florida rednecks get sprayed by a mysterious government mosquito juice, it's up to a wedding party decked out in 50's attire to gather up survivors and escape the flesh eating rampage before it's too late.  What follows are 88 minutes of really bad lighting, acting, makeup effects, and dialogue. Joining us as part of our extended co-flushing tea...

The Cinematic Flushers take on tree farts!  When random people in the northeast US start killing themselves in the most graphic ways possible, it's up to a high school science teacher ( Mark Wahlberg ) and his wife ( Zooey Deschanel ) to run around the greater PA landscape to find a reason behind the madness before it's too late.  What follows are 90 minutes of clueless characters, tree farts, and...

The Cinematic Flushers take on Bulgarian cops!  When a former race car driver ( Ethan Hawke ) is forced to drive through a series of criminal hoops for an Euro-trash voiced villain ( Jon Voight ) in order to save his wife, he must find a way to stop him with the help of Selena Gomez  while continuously driving around greater Bulgaria. What follows are a LOT of boring car chases, obvious dialogue,...

The Cinematic Flushers take on action figures!  When the evil Cobra Command plans to use a series of nanomite warheads to wipe out millions and upset the balance of power in the world, it's up to the elite action figure fighting force of G.I. Joe to stop them.  What follows are two hours of migraine inducing plot, characters, action scenes, and CGI effects.  You're better off playing with your Sta...

The Cinematic Flushers take on green screen Heaven!  When a Texas minister ( Hayden Christensen ) gets into a devastating car accident, he fights his way back to life with his wife ( Kate Bosworth ) and family by his side.  However, you'll have to wait until nearly the end of the running time for Christensen to explain what happened in the title of the film.  It's definitely not worth the wait.  T...

The Cinematic Flushers take on 3D CGI gore!  When a young woman ( Adelaide Clemens ) discovers she's one half of an evil entity (also Clemens), she makes a journey to the burned out town of Silent Hill to save her father ( Sean Bean ) before he dies a typical Sean Bean death.  What follows are a lot of lame CGI 3D effects, lack of any decent scares, and one scene performances from actors who shoul...

The Cinematic Flushers take on the Fockers!   When the long suffering Greg Focker ( Ben Stiller ) tries to find a suitable kindergarten for his moronic kids, he gets way more than he bargained for when his obnoxious family (led by Robert De Niro ) shows up in town to celebrate a birthday.  What follows are a LOT of recycled gags, unfunny dialogue, and performances from actors who have essentially...

The Cinematic Flushers take on a CGI volcano!  When a slave ( Kit Harington ) ends up in the doomed city of Pompeii mere days before the big eruption, he catches the eye of a landowner's daughter ( Emily Browning ) and a scene chewing Roman senator ( Kiefer Sutherland ) while fighting for his life in more ways than one.  What follows are a lot of soap opera nonsense, endless sword fights, and bori...

The Cinematic Flushers take on babysitting!  When an unemployed loser ( Jonah Hill ) is charged with watching three obnoxious kids so his mom ( Jessica Hecht ) can go on a long overdue date, a series of unfunny misadventures ensue involving a crazed drug dealer ( Sam Rockwell ), exploding toilets, gang related activity, and lame pedophile jokes. Joining us as part of our extended co-flushing team...

The Cinematic Flushers take on fairy tale villains!  When Death ( Nick Principe ) wants to leave the Underworld and raise Hell in greater Los Angeles, it's up to a badly accented British Alice ( Christina Licciardi ) and a group of public domain fairy tale villains to stop him.  What follows are production values so low you'll think you're watching a YouTube video from ten years ago. Special note:...