Smashterpieces

The path of war is long, and it leads here. And I mean LONG. Like, really long. Almost two years long, it turns out. But we’ve finally arrived, we’ve finally entered the finale of Smashterpiece #50, Fire Emblem: Path of Radiance. Against all odds we have arrived to liberate our people, or more specifically liberate your ears from not having a podcast to play in them. Sure, that may not be as glori...

If you’re seeing this, you might be confused! This is not Smashterpieces, what manner of trickery is this? This is the first episode of Joe’s new podcast Pixel Symphonic, it’s being dropped onto this feed just this one time in order to make sure it reaches YOUR EARS! We hope you enjoy! — It’s time for the inaugural episode of a brand new outing! Pixel Symphonic is a show about video game music. We...

Hello children, have you ever heard of WAR? Depending on who you ask about it, you may hear it described in a variety of ways. Some say it never changes. Some say it has changed. Some ask what it’s good for and others answer “absolutely nothing.” Here at the Smashterpieces School of Radiance we have our own answer: war is a ballista that crits several times in the span of a single battle. What the...

Feels like just yesterday we were recording our 2024 Wrap-Up, and yet here we are. This year felt like it both went lightning fast yet also lasted a thousand years. It was a rough one, but here we still are. Usually I use these descriptions to be a goofy haha clown who thinks (incorrectly) that he is very funny, but in this specific instance I just don’t know if I feel it. I hope you enjoy this mo...

Don’t look at the calendar. Today we finally bring you the second part of our discussion on Smashterpiece #50, Fire Emblem: Path of Radiance! Stop looking at it. There’s lots of stuff in this game, there’s swords, there’s magic, there’s uncomfortable conversations about racism and classism and how they shape the systems that build our societies, there’s people who can turn into cats. The date does...

Sorry I just woke up from a nap. … That can’t actually be the date, right?

It all began when I was just a kid, bouncing on my father’s knee. You see, I’m a podcaster, from a long line of podcasters. There was Podcastkhamen III, Ryuichi Podcast, Sir Augestine of Podcast, Drake Podcast, Old Sally Podcast, Otto Von Podcast, Bob Podcast, Salim al-Podcast, B.F. Podcast, Henriette Podcast, “Tennessee Kid” Podcast, Dev Podcasinda, Conner Podcast, Slaigh MacPodcast, Karin Podcas...

Hey kids, upset that we only released a grand total of 7 episodes of Smashterpieces in the year 2024? Well, how about we make it up to you by giving you an episode that is way too long! It’s like three episodes in one! That’s how content works. There’s even a part 2 that will come out soon! Yeah!!

I present to you this lukewarm defense of the one named Boyd: yeah sure he sucks, and he’s bad at combat, and he got his ass beat by a child that one time, and the only girl his age thinks he’s a huge dumb loser, and nobody actually values his opinion, and he seems weirdly full of himself despite all the abuse, and he’s definitely never gonna be in charge of anything, and his brothers are both mor...

Space. Some say it’s the final frontier, but I never watched Star Trek so honestly I wouldn’t say that. Nobody can hear you scream in space, though! … But I haven’t seen Alien, either. Neither of these things has anything to do with the topic of this episode, the only slight thread that can be found is the fact that they all take place in space to some degree. Sure, not entirely in space. In fact...

I don’t wanna write this episode description. You can’t make me write it. What did this game do for me that makes it deserve an episode description from Michelin five star episode description chef Joe? Oh, what, is it pretentious to give myself five stars? It’s called self-confidence and I’m usually devoid of it, unlike the protagonist of Smashterpiece #48, Metroid Prime 2: Echoes, Samus Aran. She...

So I’m talkin’ to this fella, right? And I says to him, I says, “I crashed my ship on this planet and now you tell me it’s planets? Two of ‘em?” And he says, here’s what he says, “my people are dying in an endless war between light and dark, please help us.” I say “fella listen up I just got here and you’re lookin’ for money? What is this, my most recent divorce trial?” He looks at me and he says...

ATTENTION! If you or a loved one was diagnosed with “Possession” via a “Shadow Queen”, you may be entitled to financial compensation. Shadow Queen Possession is a rare Ghost Thing linked to crystal star exposure. Exposure to crystal stars on a skeleton’s ship, a fancy train, an unproperly sanitized fighting ring, a god awful tree, a creepy steeple, or The Moon may have put you at risk. Please don’...

Hey, woah, bro! What you got there, bro? A hammer, bro? What are you, some kind of Hammer Bro, bro? Are you gonna hit me, bro? All because I pulled a harmless little prank, bro? It was just a prank, bro! Just because I turned your dad into a pig, bro? Just because I pig’d your dad, bro? You’re gonna hit me with a hammer, bro? Not cool, bro. Bruh, bro… I don’t really know how to transition from thi...

2023 was the year of a lot of things. Playing Smashterpieces games was not one of them. We’ll be back soon with more Paper Mario (I promise).

SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY ! ACTUALLY IT’S THURSDAY! THURSDAY THURSDAY THURSDAY ! ARE YOU READY FOR A BRAWL? A BOUT? A GOD DAMN DONNYBROOK? YOU’RE IN THE PIT, AND IT’S TIME FOR THE TITLE MATCH! IN ONE CORNER THE ONE, THE ONLY, THE SHINING, THE SPECTACULAR, THE FEATHER BOUND, THE BIRD, RAAAAAAWK HAAAAAAWK! IN THE OTHER CORNER THE MYSTERIOUS MUSTACHIOED MENACE AND HIS SON, A LITERAL INFANT BORN HALF AN HO...

Space Log #223: We’ve landed on Planet Zebes but we have lost our power suits, and therefore have lost the shell that protects our small and fragile human bodies. Worry not, though, as the hard shell on our hearts still remains. Well, mine does, I can’t actually speak for Matt. Sadly this particular hard shell is only metaphorical, as the heart is also squishy and made of pierceable flesh. I admit...

I wanna be the very best, or at least passable in the eyes of my peers. See, that’s the difference between you and I. You pick a Charmander because it’s the only one that gets to learn fly when it’s fully evolved, but that’s just the easy route. It works, yeah. But have you ever considered a Squirtle? It’s the only one that doesn’t get any dual typing at all, that’s the true patriot’s path. Back i...

Say fellas, did somebody mention the Door to Darkness? Pokemon is coming.

Did you know that dogs can’t look up? This implies that the Doomslayer, who also cannot look up, is in fact not a person but a dog. The evidence is out there, mostly on Mars and in Hell, but it is out there. Don’t believe me? Have you ever seen the Doomslayer eat food? Of course not, cause he’s eating his dog food in secret to throw you off the trail. Wake up, sheeple! The government doesn’t want...

Welcome to FASCAR, the channel where we talk about Fast Cars. Today we’re gonna talk about the fastest cars of all, the ones of the legendary F-Zero Grand Prix. They go very fast. They go extremely fast. Think of the fastest thing you know. A beautiful stallion? Faster. A regal cheetah? Faster. A tuned-up racecar? Faster. A jet like from that one movie? FASTER . The speed at which my life has fall...

As I sit here on this battlefield, I think long and hard about the cost of this war. The lives lost (statistically like 7 or so), the wives widowed (I actually think our army only had three married people in it and two of them were married to each other), the blood spilt (this game is rated E for Everyone so honestly there really wasn’t any now that I think about it), the time taken (okay yeah thi...

Despite our many objections, another year has come and gone and time continues its merciless march forward. You may be tempted to feel anxious about the endless cycle of mortality slowly walking you towards a cliff, but we have just the remedy for that! Two guys talking about video games they already talked about on a podcast! Then looking forward to the next year, as if any of this matters. Well,...

Ah, sorry we’re late! You know, the weather and the traffic and all that, but at least we’re just in time for the holidays! I mean, it’s only been… Oh god, has it actually been that long? Oh no, oh jeez, oh dang… It’s fine, let’s just say we went off to war and that’s why we took so long, right? War wasn’t won in a day! A fact that we have learned extensively in Smashterpiece #43: Fire Emblem: The...

Dearest, Bethanissa, I write to you from an island that I’m told not many return from once they have breached its shores. It’s cold here, the pegasus knights have had to chip the ice off their mounts’ wings using the spare axes in the caravan, the fires have barely been able to keep us warm. A cloaked gentleman popped out of a basement roughly three days ago and said no magic allowed, as it turns...