Rock-n-Roll Autopsy

The boys are impressed by non-boomer blues, strike a perfunctory pose as half-hearted martyrs, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Soundgarden’s 1991 genre defining classic, “Jesus Christ Pose.” News items and digressions include Slash’s Orgy of the Damned and social media clickbait.

The boys pick sides in the battle of acronym bands, feel stupid about being men, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Garbage’s 1996 electro-rock hit, “Stupid Girl.” News items and digressions include RATM vs SOAD, man vs bears, Patty Smyth in Van Halen, and all-time awful metal albums.

The boys sound like a bad Rush tribute band, extol the resilience of heavy metal, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Tenacious D’s 2006 metal anthem, “The Metal.” News items and digressions include rock fashion, Alex Lifeson and Geddy Lee jamming, and all-time great metal albums.

The boys get coached up by The Demon, become grunge rock royalty in the bathroom with a sharpie, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Hole’s 1994 alt rock hit, “Doll Parts.” News items and digressions include Gene Simmons, American Idol, Meshuggah, and Bruce Dickinson.

The boys avoid the clinic at the World Series of Rock, establish punk rock cred with offensive oratory, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Dead Boys’ 1978 autobiographical punk rock lament, “Ain’t It Fun.” News items and digressions include Cleveland concert history, zits, and exceptionally foul language.

The boys pay respects to Dickey Betts, eternally covet thy best friend’s girlfriend, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Rick Springfield’s 1981 power pop hit, “Jessie’s Girl.” News items and digressions include Dickey Betts, Great White, soap operas, and meaningful art.

The boys cash in on nostalgia way past their sell-by date, celebrate the end of the world with word salad, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of R.E.M.’s 1987 college rock classic, “It's the End of the World as We Know It (And I Feel Fine).” News items and digressions include KISS, Twisted Sister, zits, and Clear Channel memorandums.

The boys turn their amps to eleven, casually write genre defining tunes on the tour bus, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Deep Purple’s 1972 neo-classical classic, “Highway Star.” News items and digressions include the Spinal Tap sequel, Dream Theater excitement, and Jon Lord’s organ.

The boys are befuddled by a Bon biopic, wait all week for a wild weekend, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Loverboy’s 1981 arena rocker, “Working for the Weekend.” News items and digressions include the Bon Scott biopic, Beyoncé’s Cowboy Carter, and underage exploitative album covers.

The boys bemoan Akron highway history, oppose shopping malls in Cuyahoga Falls, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of The Pretenders’ 1982 funky lament, “My City Was Gone.” News items and digressions include Akron’s jazz past, oatmeal empires, rubber, testicular discomfort, and wet 80’s snares.

The boys surprise with soulful singing, serve time for serving drinks, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Sublime's 1992 posthumous hit, “Date Rape.” News items and digressions include Slash, Brian Johnson, Kerry King, guitar solos and cheap toilet paper.

The boys get annoyed at AI playlist generation, unapologetically utter the most offensive lyrics imaginable, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of SOD's 1985 missive, “Speak English or Die.” News items and digressions include Spotify AI playlists, the talk box, Miles Davis, and Torben Ulrich.

The boys peel off their filthy lab coats, put down their timeworn scalpels, and take a break from their usual autopsy table shenanigans to review Ace Frehley’s electrifying new solo album “10,000 Volts.”

The boys eagerly anticipate Ace’s album, yarl preachy platitudes with post-grunge Bizarro Superman, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Creed's 1997 hit, “One.” News items and digressions include Ace Frehley, Paul McCartney, Slayer, and the No Values tour.

The boys roll out episode one of their rust-belt rock ‘n roll mini-series, wear hats while happily bringing home the bacon, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Devo's 1978 lead single, “Mongoloid.” News items and digressions include the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame and flatulent canines.

The boys dissect double down dirt dished by Diamond Dave, examine dubious Dickinson double entendres, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Iron Maiden's 1990 UK number one single, “Bring Your Daughter…to the Slaughter.” News items and digressions include David Lee Roth, Wolfgang Van Halen, and the Grammys.

The boys dissect dirt dished by Diamond Dave, watch the Six O’clock News sensationalize sleaze, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Don Henley's 1982 number one hit, “Dirty Laundry.” News items and digressions include David Lee Roth, Wolfgang Van Halen, Taylor Swift, and gratuitous litigation.

The boys talk hometown de-evolution, write a German synth-pop tribute to the world’s first rock star, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Falco's 1985 hit, “Rock Me Amadeus.” News items and digressions include Devo, Ozzy Osbourne, Muzak, pink eye, and colonoscopies.

The boys suffer one too many lineup changes, rank bygone Black Sabbath with a feline frontman, and revisit RUSH’s prog pedigree… or not. Digressions include ice fishing, keyboards, charisma, and Michael Bolton.

The boys burn bagels with antiquated appliances, watch dreams derail when traveling by train, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Rollins Band's 1999 Hollywood rant-jam, “L.A. Money Train.” News items and digressions include Gene Simmons, Rage Against the Machine, and toaster ovens.

The boys eschew the news for song lyric trivia, are random birthright beneficiaries of gender stereotypes, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Paula Cole's 1997 misunderstood hit, “Where Have All the Cowboys Gone?.” News items and digressions include song lyric trivia, profiling, and Paul Stanley.

With scalpel in hand, our fearless host attempts to re-engage in rock n’ roll reanimation, reassess two underwhelming AC/DC albums — “Ballbreaker” and “Stiff Upper Lip” — and reconfigure the remaining pieces into one cohesive kick-ass slab of late-era AC/DC.

The boys bust out their tuxedo tee shirts, start a mosh pit in the orchestra pit, and hand out Poddy awards for best and worst episodes of 2023. Digressions include Nancy Sinatra, Mercyful Fate, Roger Waters, and the Olsen twins.

The boys buy several thousand copies of Chinese Democracy from Best Buy, host the worst Christmas Special in podcast history, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Twisted Sister's 2006 merry metal mockery, “Heavy Metal Christmas (The Twelve Days of Christmas).” News items and digressions include Ghost and Guns N’ Roses.

The boys desperately attempt to age gracefully in kabuki makeup and spandex while saying a tearful goodbye to childhood heroes, lifelong musical mainstays, and the hottest band in the world, KISS.