Relationships Let's Talk About It!

Whether we're in the dating stage or have been married for many years, there are many ways that we conduct self-defeating behaviors that can undermine our relationships. Some of these behaviors are so deeply rooted in our history that it can become challenging to uncover. Yet, it is human to have self-sabotaging tendencies, stresses Cathy Courtenay, a Conscious Relating Coach who guides people thr...

Emotional attunement is a crucial skill to develop: it enables us to truly understand the people with whom we share moments in our lives, their experience, and their perspective. It allows us to deepen our relationship in a meaningful way. Emotional attunement has allowed the founder of Artsy Goddess Studio , Yvonne Rainbow Teplitsky, to connect with people and easily empathize throughout her life...

If appreciation is the number one relationship booster, what is the biggest thing that can undermine a relationship? The answer: contempt - that pattern of feelings and behaviors that expresses disgust and scorn towards a person or a group of people, ultimately dehumanizing them. The severity of contempt's impact on people can make it seem like it's easy to recognize; yet, contempt enters relation...

We always talk about romantic breakups; it is the subject of songs, poems, and movies. But despite the importance of friendships in our lives, the breaking up of platonic relationships is rarely discussed - much less does it ever become the reason for someone to see a relationship therapist. Yet, the lack of closure in a separation between friends can lead one to harbor resentment, which can - acc...

Once a person recognizes codependent patterns in their relationships, the next important step is to learn how to overcome them. Our friendships can be a source of good modeling and influence our journey through healing codependency in our lives. My friend, Corey Costanzo, is one such friend who encourages my positivity in the world. He is a licensed addictions counselor, bodywork therapist, and so...

Our country is rife with political conversations that tend to divide people. These exchanges can become more challenging when political differences occur in families and close relationships, where a divergence of ideals can strain connection. When the writer, teacher, and food activist Lee Warren recently witnessed one of her peers using aggressive language towards people of the other political sp...

Kelley Johnson, Ph. D., is a professional sexologist. She is a passionate sex educator who provides comprehensive sex education to private and charter schools, as well as small groups. In her work as a sexologist, Kelley guides couples and individuals in resolving sexual issues through non-medical modalities that work within their value system. As a young person, Kelley was profoundly fascinated b...

Dr. Chris Mulchay is an ADHD expert and licensed psychologist in North Carolina and Hawaii. Chris is a kind, down-to-earth colleague and officemate with whom I enjoy having great conversations. His practice focuses on assessing ADHD, learning disorders, and custodial evaluations and is dedicated to making evaluations engaging, thoughtful, and efficient. In addition to his practice, Chris also serv...

It's natural for us to want to care for the people we love and make them happy. Many of us are also naturally compassionate and find fulfillment in altruistic endeavors. But there is a fine line between being selfless and being a people-pleaser. It's essential that we discern whether our proclivities towards catering to others' needs come from an authentic desire to help or from a place of fear an...

Codependency is rather insidious: though many people are familiar with the term, they don't know how it manifests in families and impacts relationships. Awareness, Corey Costanzo stresses, is key to healing it. Corey is a licensed addictions counselor and bodywork therapist, somatic experiencing practitioner, a master didgeridoo player, and a good friend of mine. Together with his wife, Robin, Cor...

Benjamin Haynes is a wonderful example of today's young generation. He is a meditator, yogi, and evangelizer of "authentic relating." I was impressed by his presence, groundedness, and the intentional manner in which he spoke when we met about a year ago. After graduating from UNC-Chapel Hill and teaching in Malaysia under a Fulbright grant, Benjamin recently joined Authentic Relating Training, an...

Adley Gartenstein is the former president and co-owner of Film Movement, a distributor of independent, award-winning films from around the world. Over the last two decades, Adley has been a counselor, trainer, and workshop leader in the co-counseling community. My friendship with Adley goes back to 25 years ago when we met at the Esalen Institute. Since then, we've formed a friendship so profound...

Questions about the meaning of trust and how couples can establish it in their relationships frequently come up in my practice as a couples counselor. Trust is a cornerstone of long-term relationships. My wife, Yvonne Rainbow Teplitsky, is a fashion designer, artist, and owner of the Artsy Goddess Studio. In the 25 years I have shared with her, trust - in each other, and ourselves as individuals -...

We all have needs. We all have different ways we want our partners to treat us. But sometimes, when we express our needs and wants, it comes out as biting or accusatory, even if we didn't mean for it to. And instead of getting what we wanted, we are met with defensiveness, if not blame. We can't control how others receive us, but we can always control how we express our needs to our partners. It f...

Life isn't fair. So, it's only natural for us to want things to be just. We do our best to create fairness in different areas of our lives: in the economy, in opportunity, and even in our relationships. In our shared life with our partners, we want things to be 50/50, to be equitable. I am a staunch advocate of cultivating balance, but seeking fairness in relationships is different, and attachment...

A lot of people are in tremendous stress as a result of the global pandemic. Some people find themselves falling back to some old behavior patterns that they thought they had already let go. This is what's called regression: a defensive mechanism for coping with stress. It's a common phenomenon many of us experience unconsciously. Corey Costanzo - a licensed addictions counselor and good friend of...

Laura Morton has been in the entertainment industry for more than 25 years as a writer, producer, and entrepreneur. She has written over 40 books, 19 of which have become New York Times bestsellers, including The Truth Is…: My Life in Love and Music , an autobiography she co-authored with Melissa Etheridge. Today, Laura is on a mission to bring anxiety out of the darkness and help normalize it: a...

When something is enduring and permanent, we can often take it for granted. This happens in long-term relationships, too, and when we take it for granted, we assume it will take care of itself. We go full-on autopilot in our relationship, abandoning all semblance of control, and think that by the end of it all, our partners will still be there. There are so many ways that we put our relationship o...

Many people from the older generation, or even from my generation, think of younger people in a negative light. They accuse millennials of being lazy, entitled, or disengaged from life - but that's not at all my experience with them, and it's not Zander's experience with his diligent peers, either. My son, Zander Teplitsky, is turning 24, and is spending the summer at home, on break from his studi...

Gregg Levoy is a lecturer and seminar leader in the areas of business, education, and human potential. As a speaker, Gregg has delivered workshops and keynotes for organizations such as Microsoft and the Smithsonian. He is an eloquent writer whose books, Vital Signs: Discovering and Sustaining Your Passion for Life and Callings: Finding and Following an Authentic Life , reflect his mission of help...

Cathy Courtenay is a Conscious Relating Coach who brings her heart and listening skills to everything that she does, whether it's dance or Body-Mind Centering. She is a true gift to the relational world, and through leading the Art of Circling, Cathy cultivates a safe space for people where they can stand in their truth and experience what is real for them. Responding to life's call to find truth,...

Trusting employees is crucial to the growth of a company. Whether you're leading a Fortune 500 company or a three-person podcast production company that operates remotely, you need to foster good relations by giving employees autonomy and freedom. That's the wisdom of Kate Astrakhan, an audio engineer and technical podcast producer. She is the founder of Podcast Network Solutions , a podcast post-...

So often, couples come into my office wanting to change their partner. They highlight how their partner is doing 'this' and not enough of 'that,' as if they're returning a defective item and want a refund. Yet, so rarely does change in our partners happen when they're forced or nagged to do it - at the very least, they'll only feel forced, controlled, and disrespected. And in trying to change our...

If a relationship is a garden, what is the number one thing you could do to make it thrive? You might think it's sex, but the number one relationship booster is appreciation. Appreciation is the most potent tool couples can use to cultivate their relationship with each other, their friends, and their family. My 25-year-long relationship with my wife, Yvonne Rainbow Teplitsky, has grown through min...

Many of us maintain daily practices. They bring us to a state of a balanced and stable mind. For some, that practice is yoga or meditation, while for others, it could be writing morning pages or creating art. For Corey Costanzo, it's doing didgeridoo meditation sessions. Corey - a colleague and long-time friend of mine - is a master didgeridooist who has been playing the instrument for over 20 yea...