Now That You Ask

At 80, I’ve been thinking more about death and realizing that talking about aging has sometimes been my way of avoiding the subject altogether. I’ve planned my memorial and organized my affairs, but there’s one thing I can’t plan for: the experience of dying itself. How do we face the unknown, and can we ever truly prepare for a journey none of us understands? In this episode, I share my personal,...

“The person who sets out on the journey is not the one who arrives.” This David Whyte quote has me thinking about how every journey changes us, whether we realize it or not. From leaving home for college, living on a spiritual commune, traveling the world, publishing my memoir, buying a new home, and turning eighty, each chapter has asked me to see myself differently. Some changes have been joyful...

After my first conversation with a group of women who had read my memoir, I found myself reflecting on what it means to tell our stories and allow ourselves to be truly seen. Their questions brought me back to the experiences that shaped me and reminded me why writing them down mattered. Our memories can reveal our strengths, our struggles, and even the parts of ourselves we might prefer to overlo...

What if the qualities we already possess are enough to help us navigate whatever life throws at us? A quote from Marcus Aurelius got me thinking about gratitude, kindness, resilience, and the things within us that we might overlook until we need them. I found myself especially taken with his advice to “take full account of the excellences which you do possess,” although, naturally, I got a little...

What happens when life refuses to give us the answers, the timeline, or the sense of control we desperately want? Lately, I’ve been finding out. Between unexpected house repairs, a flooded yard, expensive appliances, and a tooth implant that has left me a little worse for wear, I’ve been feeling like I’ve temporarily lost my footing. Then I came across a simple quote: “The human wants answers. The...

Over the years, certain writers have become companions of sorts, people whose words made me laugh, think, feel more connected, and sometimes see the world a little differently. In this episode, I share the stories of three San Francisco Chronicle writers who inspired me in very different ways. Then I came across an unexpected quote from Muhammad Ali: “The work of the heart is never done.” It made...

What does it really mean to be authentic? For most of my life, I thought being myself simply meant being honest, kind, and dependable. But over time, through heartbreak, travel, self-discovery, and a willingness to look more closely at who I really am, I began to realize that authenticity is something much deeper. It means letting go of who I think I’m supposed to be and making room for all the pa...

After discovering that my attempts at assembling a garage shelf are better left to someone with actual expertise, I started wondering what tools might help me when I’m stressed, grumpy, or impatient. So I’m building a personal toolkit, one small strategy at a time. A little self-forgiveness, a good laugh at my own behavior, a favorite song sung loudly in the car, and a few reminders to help me shi...

Recently, while I was moving, I stumbled across a “Notebook for Success” I created in 1995. Filled with quotes, pictures, monthly rewards, and plenty of optimism, it made me laugh, reflect, and wonder how much of that younger version of me is still around. Looking back, I can see that even then, I was trying to understand myself and trust that life would somehow lead me where I needed to go. More...

What if we could trust what we sense, even when we cannot fully explain it? From the suffering and uncertainty I see in the world to the quiet pull of intuition and inner knowing. What happens when I stop demanding answers and simply pay attention to what I feel? Moving into a new home has become an unexpected lesson in trusting that inner voice. I may not understand why this house called to me, o...

Moving into a new home has stirred up more than boxes and to do lists. It has uncovered old fears, impossible expectations, and the quiet voice that sometimes tells me I'm not enough. IWhat if my worthiness does not disappear just because I'm overwhelmed, anxious, or struggling? What if the way I speak to myself during life's hardest moments matters more than whether I get everything r...

Moving to a new home has reminded me that even the best planned adventures come with a healthy dose of chaos. As I settle into unfamiliar surroundings, I find myself learning far more than how to operate a new stove or toaster oven. I'm learning how to live with the unexpected, laugh at myself, and trust that things eventually find their proper place. Every box I open seems to hold a lesson in...

Some of the most meaningful moments in my life arrived disguised as interruptions to my carefully made plans. As my memoir was released, I also bought a new home, celebrated my 80th birthday, and found myself overwhelmed by change, gratitude, and the realization that life's greatest gifts rarely unfold on my schedule. Looking back, I can see that every unexpected twist, whether joyful or diffi...

What starts as the disappearance of my favorite birthday dessert becomes something much more unexpected. In this episode, I reflect on why our personal preferences matter, how certain foods become woven into our happiest memories, and why letting go of even the smallest traditions can feel surprisingly profound. Sometimes it's never really about the dessert. It's about the love, comfort, a...

What if growing older isn't something to fear, but something to honor? As I approach my 80th birthday, I reflect on how a lifetime of joy, heartbreak, resilience, and self-discovery can shape a kind of beauty that only time can reveal. In this episode, I explore what it means to embrace every part of myself, from the confident to the uncertain, the graceful to the wonderfully imperfect. Beauty...

When life feels like it's happening all at once, how do you stay grounded? In this episode, I reflect on navigating the joyful chaos of publishing my memoir, buying my first home at nearly eighty, and learning that asking for help is often the greatest strength of all. Inspired by a beautiful quote from Alexander Chee, I explore what it means to trust the process, surrender control, and believ...

What if the secret to a richer, happier life is hidden in the smallest moments? In this episode of  Now That You Ask , I reflect on the unexpected power of laughter, connection, and everyday encounters that brighten even the most ordinary days. From playful exchanges at the local shipping store to surprising moments of kindness from strangers, I explore how humor has become one of my favorite ways...

What if growing older is not about losing beauty, but learning how to carry it in an entirely new way? My understanding of beauty has shifted with time. From the elegance of women I have admired to the laughter lines I now wear with gratitude, I now consider whether true beauty is found less in appearance and more in joy, wisdom, presence, and the stories we carry. As I navigate the surprises of g...

What if the thing that brings you the most joy is also the thing that asks the most of you? In this episode of  Now That You Ask , I share the remarkable journey of transforming a lifetime of stories into my memoir,  Unbecoming Behavior: A Southern Memoir of Adventurous Choices . What began as a simple suggestion from a friend became an unexpected exploration of memory, courage, heartbreak, resili...

In this episode of  Now That You Ask , I take a heartfelt and humorous journey back through the wisdom of Southern women, the kind who can teach you how to pick the perfect tomato while quietly handing you a lesson about life. From learning that “you don’t get to complain about what you’re allowing” to realizing how often I try to fix people who never asked for my help, this episode explores the t...

In this episode of  Now That You Ask , I reflect on the moments in life when logic says no, fear says stop, and yet something deep inside keeps whispering, “Give it a try.” I share the winding path that led me from a childhood filled with rules and caution into a life shaped by curiosity, risk, reinvention, and unexpected joy. From questionable fashion experiments and life-changing moves to Califo...

In this episode of  Now That You Ask , I wrestle with one of the hardest truths to accept: knowing when to step back from someone else’s life, even when I believe they are headed in the wrong direction. I reflect on my lifelong urge to help, fix, advise, and sometimes meddle, especially when I can clearly see consequences unfolding before another person can. Along the way, I explore how much of th...

For years, the quote “Wherever you are is the entry point” has followed me through my life, appearing at the exact moments when I most needed to hear it. In this episode, I reflect on the winding road of becoming who I truly am. What began in my thirties as a hopeful spiritual search slowly turned into something far less polished and far more real. Along the way there were wrong turns, heartbreak,...

I recently came across the idea that we are both a masterpiece and a work in progress at the very same time, and something inside me softened when I heard it. In this episode, I reflect on the lifelong effort of trying to become a better person while slowly learning to recognize how far I’ve already come. It is easy for me to focus on the flaws, the old habits, and the moments when I fall short. I...

I’ve always been drawn to beauty - the kind that stops me in my tracks - whether it’s in nature, art, or a fleeting moment of connection. But in this episode, I turn that lens inward and ask a more difficult question: why has it been so hard for me to see that same beauty in myself? As I reflect on self-acceptance, compliments I’ve brushed aside, and a surprising moment of confidence at a recent g...