Middle Man

What happens when the life you worked so hard to build suddenly stops feeling like your own? Why do so many men in their forties and fifties quietly drift through life feeling disconnected, exhausted or emotionally flat without ever talking about it? And when careers change, relationships end, children leave home, or grief hits, how do you rebuild your identity and rediscover purpose in the second...

Unresolved trauma can be incredibly tough to deal with when it shows up. Mental health issues, including serious depression and debilitating anxiety, can be part and parcel of a life filled with traumatic events. But it's not impossible to move past, and with resilience and determination, the second half of life can be rebuilt and reframed as something hugely positive. This week Paul talks to Jase...

Many men feel pressure to become the father they wish they'd had. Others find connecting with their children increasingly challenging as both they and their kids grow older. But in all cases, men can be deeply self-critical as parents. Fatherhood is often both the most beautiful and the most challenging role in a man’s life, and to expect to be the perfect dad is unrealistic. This week Paul talks...

This special episode of Middle Man marks Mental Health Awareness Week. It covers the story of father and son Steve and Dan Shrigley, who share the deeply personal story of Steve’s severe depression, paranoia and suicidal ideation, which led to him being sectioned and spending six months in hospital. Speaking with remarkable honesty, Steve describes the slow erosion of purpose that came from feelin...

Lack of self-esteem, low self-worth and lack of confidence quietly plague many men as they transit through midlife. And this can show up in many different ways, impacting beliefs, behaviours, relationships and more. Often there is no obvious reason for these feelings, making it even harder to deal with. But through self-awareness and a commitment to change, radical transformation is possible. This...

Many men hit a stage in midlife when, despite outwardly successful and comfortable lives, they feel a persistent sense of emptiness, drift and disconnection. This deeply familiar yet often unspoken experience of feeling 'stuck' is pervasive and existential, as though life is slipping away without clear direction or meaning. This week Paul talks to Andrew Waddell, a coach for midlife men who says t...

Financial planning can be a source of major anxiety among midlife men as they start to turn their attention towards retirement and wondering if they have enough saved. The realities of retirement planning in the UK, including what constitutes a minimal, moderate or comfortable lifestyle and the financial benchmarks associated with each, can be complex and daunting, but with discipline they are oft...

There's a lot of pressure to hit the gym on a regular basis. And there's no doubt that physical exercise and movement are incredibly important in leading a fit and healthy life. But many men in their 40s and 50s struggle not because they lack knowledge, but because life has shifted. Careers, families and responsibilities push their own wellbeing to the bottom of the list, and the result is weight...

Many men struggle to understand, express, or even recognise what they are feeling. They often communicate distress not through words but through behaviour, and sometimes in ways that are self-destructive. Excessive drinking, withdrawing from friendships, over-investing time in work or reckless risk-taking can act as signals that something is wrong internally, and are far from uncommon. This week P...

Childhood adversity can have a lasting impact. When trauma, instability or loss are experienced at a young age, they can shape how a person sees themselves and the world for decades, resulting in emotional suppression, hyper-independence, people-pleasing or self-sabotage. But adversity does not have to become destiny. This week Paul talks to Leon Smith about his long journey from a traumatic child...

On 4th February, my mum died. She was 80 years old and had lived with Alzheimer's dementia for seven years. Her passing follows the death of my dad less than three years ago after a long battle with a degenerative condition related to Parkinson's. The grief and sadness I have felt have been intertwined with relief, guilt and shame, and so this week I talk to psychotherapist Bill Sullivan to try an...

There's a lot of misunderstanding around sex in midlife. The commonly held belief is that libido wanes due largely to hormonal changes, but this narrative is not only simplistic but also damaging. Coupled with the media focus on young people when it comes to sex, it creates an impression that people in midlife don't somehow deserve to feel vibrant and to have sexual desire. And that in turn can le...

Comparison can be a paralysing trap that it's very hard to break free from. Clouded in a mindset of self-doubt, nothing ever feels enough, no matter what you achieve or how outwardly successful you appear. Comparison slowly erodes self-worth and leads to a life full of unsatisfaction that comes to a head in midlife. This week Paul is joined by Graham Wood for a remarkably candid and open conversat...

Some of the most common feelings that men report experiencing during midlife are being stuck and lost, or being overwhelmed and 'running on empty'. Having spent decades putting others first, they run into problems when life switches up and they find they are low on energy and drive, without any idea how to address this This week Paul is joined by transformation coach and psychologist Fiona Maguire...

Goal setting as a motivational strategy is very en vogue. Especially at the start of a new year. But the problem with goals is that they encourage you to seek a specific and defined destination, and that it's very easy to be knocked off course by setbacks. Progress is rarely linear. So instead of setting goals, what about defining clear intentions as a compass for how we want to live, show up, and...

Have you ever uttered the words "I’m fine" in response to someone asking how you are? And more to the point, have you ever said those words when you know, deep down, that you’re pretty far from fine? Most men have, and do. This episode of Middle Man was recorded live for International Men’s Day, and explores why so many men default to the phrase “I’m fine" even when they’re anything but. I'm joine...

The last season of Middle Man finished with me saying the show would be back after the summer. But the summer came and went, and nothing. I've had messages asking when the podcast will be returning and enquiring after me, but nothing new has been published. Until now. So why the disappearing act? In today's episode, I talk honestly about what has been happening behind the scenes. I explain how wha...

In this special anniversary episode of Middle Man I sit down with my wife, Michelle, for a candid reflection on one year of exploring midlife as a man. I answer questions submitted by listeners that cover everything from what I've learned from doing the show and favourite guests and episodes to my own emotional health and self-worth, retirement, and building a more intentional life. During the con...

Many midlife men feel isolated or overwhelmed but remain silent, often unaware that help is available or assuming they just need to ‘get on with it’. As a direct result they grapple with a number of emotional, social and practical challenges, from dwindling friendships and financial strain to burnout, low self-esteem, and a loss of joy. This week Paul is joined by Darren Lawrence, a coach and cons...

Whether it’s a failed relationship or a career that is no longer fulfilling, many midlife men find themselves trapped in a life that they can no longer tolerate. Regardless, they try and live a conventional life governed by traditional expectations and practical considerations; working unfulfilling jobs to support a family, suppressing creative ambitions, and slowly losing touch with their identit...

There has been a huge rise in the number of autism and ADHD diagnoses over the last two decades. And while many midlife men have spent years being treated for anxiety or depression without ever understanding the root cause, there could be a link between their mental health struggles and undiagnosed neurodiversity. This week Paul is joined by Dr Martin Brunet, author of the book Your Worry Makes Se...

Menopause exploded into the public consciousness a few years ago thanks largely to the book Menopausing by Davina McCall and Dr Naomi Potter. While a woman’s experience of menopause is deeply personal, it also touches the men around them - partners, colleagues, friends, and family. This week Paul is joined by co-author of Menopausing and founder of the UK’s leading menopause clinic, Dr Potter. Thr...

Coping mechanisms can take many forms for midlife men, from drinking a bit too much to isolating oneself to overworking to emotional eating. Self harm can be at the more extreme end of the scale, but it is not uncommon for a man experiencing burnout, anxiety or depression to use this as a way of getting through life. This week Paul is joined by David Salmon for a deeply personal and raw conversati...

The divorce rate among men in their 40s is the highest of any age group, remaining stubbornly high at a time when the overall rate of divorce is falling. At a time when several other areas of life can be challenging, the failure of a marriage in midlife can have a devastating impact.  This week Paul talks to Sara Davison, AKA The Divorce Coach, about why so many midlife marriages falter and how to...

Losing your job in midlife can be take a significant emotional and psychological toll. From guilt, shame and loss of identity, redundancy is often accompanied by a messy and non-linear form of grief. Making space for that pain is a vital part of recovery, but once you have acknowledged that it is time to start to embrace possibility. This week Paul talks to career change coach and the author of th...