Married After Kids

You try to bring up one need so you can work through it together, but somehow the conversation turns into whether your spouse is ever good enough for you. In this episode, I’m breaking down the frustrating dynamic that happens when a hurt, request, or unmet need is met with “Nothing I do is ever good enough for you,” “Your standards are too high,” or “I guess I just suck.” We’ll look at what may a...

The holidays can feel magical for everyone except the person doing all the work to make them magical. In this episode, I'm talking about the extra mental load that comes with the holiday season and why it can so easily turn into resentment, tension, and feeling uncared for in your marriage. Because behind the gifts, traditions, activities, and special moments is often an enormous amount of invisib...

If every conversation about the mental load turns into defensiveness, frustration, or another fight, explaining it again may not be the answer. In this episode, I'm joined again by relationship expert and bestselling author Dr. Morgan Cutlip to talk about why the mental load becomes such a difficult issue to solve after kids and what her research reveals about how men and women experience it diffe...

Your spouse may be trying to help and still be giving you the exact opposite of what you need. In this episode, I'm breaking down why one person can be asking for emotional support while the other is offering explanations, solutions, or logic, and why those two approaches can make it feel like you're speaking completely different languages. We’ll look at what may actually be happening underneath t...

Picky eating doesn't just affect kids. It can shape your meals, your mental load, and even the way you and your spouse relate to each other. In this episode, I'm joined by Katie Kimball, author of The Picky Eater Playbook , to talk about what happens when you have a picky eater in the family, whether that's your child, your spouse, or both. We unpack why mealtimes can become so stressful, how well...

If all you want is less conflict, some of the things you're doing to keep the peace may actually be creating more of it. In this episode, I'm breaking down how dismissive avoidant attachment can show up in mental load fights and why conversations about household responsibilities, emotions, or unmet needs can feel so frustrating for both partners. If you've ever thought, "Just tell me what you need...

You can put a lot of effort into fixing your marriage and still feel like nothing is changing if you're solving the wrong problem. In this special episode, I'm giving you a listen inside my new private audio course, Marriage Shutdown After Kids . I'm sharing the first of three shifts that can help you rebuild the love and care that's been missing and understand why the thing you think is keeping y...

Back to school doesn't just change your kids' routines. It can completely change the rhythm of your marriage too. In this episode, I'm sharing the three systems my spouse and I intentionally revisit when we move from summer into the school routine. Because without even realizing it, new schedules can create new expectations, mental load imbalances, and patterns that quickly become "just the way we...

If mental load fights feel much bigger than the task in front of you, anxious attachment may be part of the reason. In this episode, I'm taking a closer look at how anxious attachment can show up around the mental load and why these patterns can leave you feeling overwhelmed, unsupported, and stuck. If you've ever wondered why a forgotten task or an uneven responsibility can hit so hard, this conv...

You may think you're fighting about the mental load, but the real argument could be happening underneath it. In this episode, I'm breaking down how your attachment style can shape the way you experience, manage, and fight about the mental load in your marriage. Because when one spouse sees help as a sign of love while the other sees the exact same situation as pressure, criticism, or a threat to t...

Your kids are paying attention to your marriage, even when you think they aren't. In this episode, I'm taking an honest look at what research tells us about how marriage and parental conflict can impact children. We talk about why conflict itself isn't necessarily the problem, what kids are actually picking up on at home, and why the way you communicate with your spouse matters far beyond your rel...

When you think about living a longer, healthier, happier life, you probably think about exercise, nutrition, sleep, or genetics. But decades of research point to something else entirely. In this episode, I'm diving into findings from the Harvard Study of Adult Development and what they mean for your marriage after kids. We explore what decades of research reveal about living a longer, healthier, h...

Social media has changed the way we parent, the expectations we place on ourselves, and even the way we experience our marriages. But what if the constant comparison and pressure to "do it all right" are making family life feel harder than it needs to be? In this episode, I'm joined by relationship expert and bestselling author Dr. Morgan Cutlip to explore how social media influences modern parent...

One belief about your marriage can shape every conversation, every disagreement, and every moment of disconnection. But what if that belief just wasn't true? In this episode, I'm sharing one of the most painful lies I believed during the hardest season of my own marriage and how it kept us stuck in Marriage Shutdown. We explore why our brains are wired to believe this story, how it changes the way...

One partner feels like they have to carry everything. The other feels like nothing they do is ever enough. Over time, both people start pulling away, resentment grows, and the marriage begins to shut down. In this episode, I'm unpacking a relationship pattern I see over and over again with the couples I coach. We explore how this dynamic develops after having kids, why neither partner intentionall...

The Five Love Languages have helped millions of couples better understand each other. But what if the way you're using them is actually creating more frustration, disappointment, and distance in your marriage? In this episode, I'm unpacking the biggest mistakes couples make with love languages and why they sometimes leave people feeling even less loved than before. We also explore why some couples...

When you've tried the conversations, read the books, gone to counseling, and nothing seems to be different, it's easy to start believing your marriage will never change. That loss of hope can leave you feeling trapped between staying unhappy or walking away. In this episode, I'm speaking directly to the couples who feel stuck. We unpack the most common reasons people believe change isn't possible,...

Most of us have been taught that saying "I'm sorry" is the key to repairing conflict. But what if those two words are actually keeping your marriage stuck? In this episode, I'm sharing why I've started encouraging many of my coaching clients to stop saying "I'm sorry" during conflict, at least for a while. We unpack why apologies often lose their meaning, what your spouse is actually looking for a...

Resentment rarely shows up overnight. It builds slowly through the missed conversations, the unspoken disappointments, the unequal load, and the feeling that you're carrying more than your fair share. Before you know it, that resentment can start coloring everything in your marriage. In this episode, I'm digging into one of the most common and damaging challenges couples face after having kids: re...

Most couples want a better marriage, but wanting change and creating change are not the same thing. Sometimes the biggest obstacles are not the obvious ones. They are the patterns, habits, and blind spots that get in the way of progress, even when both people care deeply about the relationship. In this episode, I’m breaking down five common barriers that can keep couples from seeing meaningful cha...

Summer is supposed to feel fun, relaxing, and full of family memories. But for many couples, it can also bring more stress, more mental load, and more opportunities for conflict. Between changing schedules, childcare logistics, vacations, and the constant disruption of routines, summer can put even strong marriages to the test. In this episode, I’m breaking down the biggest reasons marriages tend...

It can be incredibly frustrating to feel like you're putting effort into your marriage without seeing the progress you hoped for. When you're having the same conversations, trying different tools, and still finding yourself stuck in the same patterns, it's easy to wonder what you're missing. In this episode, I’m breaking down some of the most common reasons couples stay stuck even when they genuin...

Feeling disconnected in marriage can make you want to hold on tighter, work harder, explain more, and desperately try to fix things. The hard part is that sometimes the very things we do to create more connection end up creating more distance instead. In this episode, I’m sharing some of the biggest things I stopped doing as an anxiously attached spouse married to a dismissive avoidant partner tha...

Parenting a child with anxiety can impact so much more than just your child. It can affect your routines, your stress levels, your communication, and the dynamic between you and your spouse. When parents are not aligned in how they respond, it can quickly create tension, frustration, and conflict inside the marriage. In this episode, I’m joined by therapist and parenting coach Robin Isman to talk...

It is so hard to be in a marriage where you feel disconnected, exhausted, and wonder if things will ever get better. When couples reach this point, it can feel tempting to shut down, pull away, or assume the relationship is beyond repair. In this episode, I’m walking through five important things to try before deciding to give up on your marriage. These are not quick fixes or surface level tips. T...