Lit AF Relationships

Sometimes it’s really hard to say no to dating, hooking up, or getting over someone. You might know exactly how they’re not the right person or their not supporting you in the way that you need but you keep coming back for more. In this episode I talk about why it’s so hard to end it. I also share what’s happening at the subconscious level that keeps you coming back for more. I definitely cover wh...

On today’s podcast, I talk about why the fearful avoidant attachment style loves chaos. The fearful-avoidant attachment type grew up in chaos. As an adult they tend to seek out chaotic situations like an unhealthy or toxic work environment, getting into credit card debt, or dating someone reckless. In the episode, I talk about why they seek out situations like this. I then go into how the fearful-...

On today’s podcast I talk with Alexandra Shelly, the Modern Medium. She’s passionate about infusing her joy, spirited humor, and creativity into fundamental practices learned by her mentor and world-renowned psychic mediums, in order to create a practice that is uniquely hers. We talk about two topics, being single and spirituality. She shares what has helped her explore her own pleasure and satis...

Today on the podcast Shelby Avann and I talk about sex, intimacy, and the different attachment styles. This is a juicy convo and Shelby explains the different patterns that each attachment style experiences in the bedroom including anxious preoccupied, fearful avoidant, dismissive avoidant, and secure attachment. She shares a few communication tips to ensure you’re getting and giving consent and g...

Are you worried you’re never going to find someone to be with? This is such a common thought for people who are dating, newly single, or scared to break up with someone they are not happy with. If this is you, I have so much compassion for you. This is a totally normal fear that the majority of the planet has bought into at a certain point in their lifetime. In this episode, I break down what happ...

On today’s episode of Lit AF Relationships, Anna Lum shares her story about creating secure attachment after a breakup. She shares how she healed her anxious preoccupied attachment style that was triggered in her last relationship. She talks about the steps she took to heal her attachment style and how she is sharing needs, processing emotions, and communicating boundaries. We go deep about the pa...

For today’s episode I’m re-airing a recent In My Non-Expert Opinion podcast episode with me as a guest. Chelsea Riffe hosts the podcast and she shares how she healed her anxious attachment in her dating life. We cover all things attachment on this episode including a deep dive into all the attachment styles including anxious preoccupied, dismissive avoidant, fearful avoidant, and secure attachment...

In this episode I talk about how to overcome chronic feelings of guilt and shame. First of all, if this is you, I want you to know that this is so common. Both fearful avoidants and dismissive avoidants often tend towards feelings of guilt and shame. I share a few examples of how you can catch this habit, it might be showing up in a sneaky way you don’t even realize. I then finish the episode with...

Are you spending alot of time fantasizing about your ex? Do you wish they would call or you could get back together? Are you the one that did the breaking up and you’re still thinking about them? It might be surprising to hear that this is actually common. In this episode I share a few sneaky ways your brain might be fantasizing about your ex without you even realizing it, hello Instagram stories!...

On today’s episode, I share what the 1% better habit that each attachment type can take today to see massive results created in a year. This episode is based on the concept of 1% better from James Clear’s book, Atomic Habits . In this chart-topping book Clear writes that, "Improving by 1% isn’t particularly notable, sometimes it isn’t even noticeable, but it can be far more meaningful – especially...

In this episode I share scripts to use when you are asking a loved one to meet a need without a feeling like a burden. Asking for a need to be met can be really hard. But part of becoming more secure means sharing vulnerably about how you’re feeling and asking your loved one for support. In this episode I share why it’s important to ask for your needs to be met and what repair means. I explain how...

Is it possible to change your attachment style is one of the most common questions about the attachment system. In today’s episode I share the truth that yes, it is possible to change your attachment style. It can be a little confusing at first what behavior is associated with earned secure. I share a few behavioral patterns that show you are on the right track towards healing your attachment styl...

In this episode of Lit AF Relationships I share about how perfectionism shows up in dating and in relationships. This episode is a really personal share because I talk about the belief I held in the beginning of my marriage that fights and arguments were a sign that we weren’t meant to be together. I often ruminated about divorce. Sometimes it still comes up. But I share a few tools of how to noti...

On today’s episode I explore what secure attachment actually looks like. I had some pretty interesting misconceptions about how secure folx showed up in relationships and I hilariously share them with you today. I also talk about what it’s like to date someone with secure attachment. It can be pretty strange and your nervous system might not be used to it. You might be wondering why you don’t have...

On today’s episode I talk about the patterns behind the anxious preoccupied attachment style. Our attachment styles show us how we relate to others and what strategies we use to keep ourselves safe in relationships. It is possible to change your attachment style. And it’s also possible to help your partner become more secure by showing up securely in the relationship. In this episode, I share the...

On today’s episode I talk about the patterns behind why you’re partner gets defensive. The reason they get defensive is because of their attachment style. Our attachment styles show us how we related to others and what strategies we use to keep ourselves safe in relationships. It is possible to change your attachment style. And it’s also possible to help your partner become more secure by showing...

This week on Lit AF I share common relationship patterns for the fearful avoidant attachment type. Attachment styles help us understand common relationship patterns that keep repeating. You might think that breaking up with someone will fix the problems only to get into a new relationship with the same issues. I’ve totally been there. It’s confusing and super annoying. But understanding your attac...

On this week’s episode I break down how to hack your life if you’re feeling lonely or going through a breakup. Let’s be real, breakups suck and loneliness can really consume your life. But there are some easy ways to trick your brain into getting your core needs met so you feel like you’re still receiving the benefits of a romantic partner or relationship. The amazing thing with this work is that...

On today’s episode I talk about my issues with the book Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel S.F. Heller. I should start by saying I do think there are some positives about this book. But when I first opened it years ago I was very triggered by it and it took me a while to pick it back up. I share about why the book was triggering to me and some of its big misses. I believe its written quite well fo...

On this week’s episode I share why working with the body is important to healing your attachment style. The body is a great temperature gauge for what is going on in our brain. Feeling emotions is a uniquely human experience. And most insecure attachment types work really hard to avoid emotions as much as possible. In this episode I share how to start to get in touch with your emotions and build a...

On this week’s episode I talk about the important role of spirituality in healing your attachment style. In this episode I share about the difference between religion and spirituality. I define ways to connect with your spiritual practice. And I encourage you to make your spiritual practice uniquely yours. There are many benefits to a spiritual practice including tapping into an infinite resource...

On today’s episode I examine the different attachment styles that play out in Ultimatum: Queer Love on Netflix. I evaluate each of the attachment styles of the characters in the show and explain the mechanics of their relationships at play. It’s fun. It’s spicy. And watching the relationships in the show helps us understand each of the attachment styles in a deeper way. I finish by talking about t...

Today on the show I talk about the relationship between money and attachment styles. I share how each attachment style relates to money. Whether your fearful avoidant, anxious preoccupied, dismissive avoidant, or secure you definitely have a relationship to money. Attachment is one of the many influencies and factors on your relationship to money. I share why money is such an intense and difficult...

In today’s episode I talk about why you have sworn off dating. I go into each of the attachment styles anxious preoccupied, dismissive avoidant, fearful avoidant, and secure to talk about how each of them arrive to this important stage of healing. Believe it or not swearing off dating is a huge part of healing. I just don’t want you to get stuck on this stage. I finish the episode sharing a few ti...

On today’s episode I talk with my recent client, Chelsea Riffe, about healing her anxious attachment style. We talk about her journey to secure attachment where she is now practicing understanding and meeting her needs on a daily basis. We cover so many topics including how to approach fear of rejection, ending relationships that aren’t the right fit quicker, overcoming the feeling of being too mu...