It's Not That Deep

Feeling in control is a way of feeling safe, and lowering our anxiety. In this episode we discuss how actually very little is within our control, and how to be OK with that!   We talked widely about how, in the end, often the only thing we have any control over is ourselves and how we respond to situations. And how liberating it can be to be able to say ‘oh well, stuff happens’ when...

In this episode, we discuss why we can find it hard to make a decision, whether that’s a small decision (which outfit to wear maybe!) or a much larger one (whether to change jobs, or leave a relationship perhaps). We can become stuck trying to work out which is the right option to choose, when often it’s not that one is right and one is wrong, but that both have advantages and disadvantages. We di...

In this episode we discuss how we are often really good at being kind to others, but don’t seem to think that we deserve to receive kindness from ourselves. However, MRI studies have shown that the areas in the brain that are activated when we are bullied also fire when we are unpleasant to ourselves. This triggers a stress response and all the consequences that brings!  It can feel...

In this episode we explore some of the reasons we might leave things to the last minute; procrastinating, having too many things to do, and feeling overwhelmed.  We discussed some strategies to make life more ease-full, ways in which we can take back some control and feel more in control. Counter-intuitively these do include slowing down! And also prioritising self-care; as we often...

In this episode we discuss what gets in the way of being motivated. Our inner critic can mean that we let our perfectionism get in the way of starting, or finishing something! We could be overwhelmed or burnt out rather than unmotivated. And sometimes the task might simply be something we don’t want to do.    We discuss strategies to deal with uncovering exactly what is ge...

In this episode we explore why we feel we should put a time limit on feeling better, whether that’s after a bereavement, an illness, or the benefit we think we should experience from a holiday. We discuss the impact of striving to be ‘fixed’ or ‘better’, rather than living with how things are right here, right now. We explore the idea that acceptance of how things really are can lead to us ma...

In this episode, we discuss our personal experiences of rushing, how that feels in our bodies (not pleasant!) and the consequences of always being in a rush – being clumsy, dropping things, forgetting what we are doing, all that stuff!  It’s not all or nothing, sometimes ‘drive mode’ is very much where we need to be, rather than in ‘rest and digest' or 'soothing' mode. So really noticing...

In this episode we explore looking for validation on social media. Social media is not either ‘good’ or ‘bad’, – it really depends on how we use it. It can be hard to find people who are like us in our social circle sometimes; particularly if we have a neurodivergence, or a rather niche hobby. That’s where social media can be super helpful – it’s a great way to connect with people who share s...

As humans, we’ve got this amazing ability to imagine the future and reflect on the past, but honestly, it doesn’t always work in our favour! We can easily spiral into thinking about all the worst-case scenarios, and before we know it, our bodies are reacting as if those things are actually happening right now. A lot of the time, these "what-if" scenarios are shaped by past experiences, or even thi...

In this episode we discuss why we don't like endings and yet life’s full of endings. Whether it’s moving to a new place, switching jobs, or something much heavier like the end of a relationship or losing someone close to us. And yet, it feels like we’re not always great at dealing with them. We tend to push those feelings aside or beat ourselves up for feeling upset when it seems like everyon...

We've both discovered how therapy and mindfulness have been incredibly helpful for managing stress and anxiety. In fact, they've been so impactful that they became the foundation of the work we do today! In the past, we were experts at turning small setbacks into big worries, a habit many of us can relate to! It's easy to get overwhelmed by the little things sometimes. In this episode we...

This was a really interesting discussion about why we set ourselves unrealistic expectations. We explored the impact of social media, advertising, and cultural beliefs about what we need to do or be to be accepted. This can feed a belief that we are not good enough without being ‘perfect’ and of course we can’t live up to the expectations of being perfect. We discussed how we might inste...

In this episode we agreed that we both share the desire to save others from distress or upset. It’s a very human quality but can lead to feelings of overwhelm, or of being taken for granted. It also means that, rather than teaching someone how to solve things for themselves, we inadvertently create an inability to manage their own situation in the other person. Within relationships rescu...

This episode is a very personal one. We discuss why, at times, we aren’t able to support ourselves in the ways we would suggest for our clients. We explore what happens when our emotional resources are low, and the ‘inner critic’ is loud in our head, which tries to get us to think we aren't worth the effort.  If we can take a step back, zoom out, and put a metaphorical arm around ou...

In this episode we discuss how difficult it can be to let go of something we regret like and forgive ourselves for it. We often set ourselves standards that are impossible to live up to; and that we have a tendency to dwell on mistakes, which leads to a sense of guilt and shame. It is also hard and extremely uncomfortable to process our mistakes; to make sense of them and find the learning. S...

It’s a surprise (to us at least!) that we haven’t covered this topic before now. Anxiety has come up in lots of our podcasts, but this is the first time it’s been the main subject of one. In this episode we discuss the evolutionary need for anxiety, and how we experience it now, in our modern (challenging!) world. We talk about top-down and bottom-up ways of managing it and how we can le...

In this episode we explore the sense we may have about not fitting in, not being like everyone else. We do, though, tend to judge ourselves on how we feel, and others on how they seem to be behaving, and those two things are not the same. We touch on people getting a diagnosis of a neurodivergence, and how that can help to explain why we don’t feel ‘normal’.  No-one can be completely ave...

This is another wide-ranging discussion, where this time we touch on some of the neuroscience behind why it feels to bad to lose; as well as exploring a range of situations that we might see as ‘losing’. We talk about playing games or sports (Jimmy Conners, the tennis ace once said that he hated losing more than he loved winning!) as well as the losing we experience if the team we support loses, o...

In this wide-ranging conversation, we explored where our need for approval might come from and discovered that it has a different start-point for each of us. And that will most likely be true for those listening too. The point is that it leaves us unsure of our own opinions, and creates a desire to check out what others think. Sometimes that’s helpful of course, when seeking advice, someone e...

In this episode we discuss whether there is really a fixed ‘me’, a single authentic self. We are all slightly different in different situations, so what does that mean?  We explore the idea that all the versions of us are actually simply different parts of us coming to the fore, being most prominent or in charge; what Adrienne describes as which part of her is driving the bus! One of the...

In this episode we discuss why it is that sometimes we get stressed over things that feel quite small, and we talk about what else might be going on – how much capacity we have for one more irritation.  We discuss strategies to reframe the situations over which we have no control and how we might grow our bucket of coping so that things do not overwhelm us. The practice is to see small m...

In this episode, we touch on the evolutionary benefits of having our attention pulled away to new things, and how that does not always work to our advantage in the modern world! With so much noise and distraction in day to day life we need strategies to stay focused which benefit us and ultimately those we interact with. We have a wide-ranging conversation about our personal experiences, and...

In this episode, we explore that assertiveness isn't necessarily a natural human state and we discuss this topic from our personal perspectives. In the past, Adrienne experienced expressing a contrary view with someone as conflict.  She was unable to see a difference between asking clearly for her needs to be taken into account, and being aggressive.  Lucy, on the other hand, has ex...

In this episode we discuss our own responses to surprises and explore what’s behind our dislike of them. We wonder if there’s an aspect of control in our reactions, where we have a little more control, we are more open to surprises, and when we don’t have any control, we find surprises more difficult. We also explore how disappointing surprises can be if we had an idea in mind for how it was...

We have a guest with us to discuss this topic – Becky Loto. Affectionally known as “Bossy Becky”, Becky loves bringing out the brilliance in entrepreneurs and business leaders, by inspiring them to have the confidence to change & creating a calm where before there was stress and overwhelm. Becky is a Certified Executive Business Consultant & Strategist, ILM Level 5 Certified Business...