Hello Dysfunction

Welcome to the dysfunction, Crystal’s brain has fun commercials on loop. Please don’t put Pata Fria on the spot about a tip. Christmas was different for everyone this year, but let’s keep it cozy as long as possible. RIP to our HD family member Rahni 🖤 Try to stay loose if you’re in an accident and ask Crystal to show you her new sweats!  For bonus episodes join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodys...

Pata Fria is really sick. Crystal has identified the local pervert. Spread kindness whenever you can and school is really a scam. Power really changes people and Crystal’s hypothetical questions are ENDLESS! Check out this week’s sponsors! BetterHelp   Professional online therapy from the comfort of your own home. Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners! For 10% off your first...

Pata Fria is sick. It’s a painful sick.  Don’t ask people if they just woke up.  Keep an eye out for the local serial masturbator. If your burps stink please stay home.  Sick dreams have been so fun and Suga Free is cancelled.  Check out this week’s sponsor!  • DIPSEA Dipsea is an audio app full of short, sexy stories designed to turn you on!   The characters feel like real people with real life s...

We’re back after a week of chaos!  Please provide others with the type of service you’d like to receive. Pata Fria finally got her tree up. Vaginal issues feel like bad karma and cartel videos are great.  Crystal had a visitor, Peez is cussing, grave robbing isn’t always bad and don’t accept bad treatment from anyone, not even family. Check out this week’s sponsor! • DIPSEA Dipsea is an audio app...

We’re back and better than ever!  We love men who cry, break ups are embarrassing, we love meeting listeners and don’t lie about sleeping with people.  Check out this week’s sponsors!  BetterHelp Professional therapy from the comfort of your own home. Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO,...

Starting out with a little ASMR. They aren’t called “windmeals”. You gotta be a little well off to really enjoy Disney. Childhood makes you the person you’ll be. Nightmares have been really rude lately and unnecessary details are Crystal’s favorite.  Check out this week’s sponsor!  • Gladskin Gladskin is a product that works with your skin’s natural bacteria to soothe and resolve eczema, rosacea,...

Welcome to episode 191  Peez swings on everyone, genetics are crazy and we’re slowly becoming our moms. Don’t send illegal things thru the mail, Crystal has very sexual recipes and it’s so cute when you let kids dress themselves.  Check out this week’s sponsor!  • DIPSEA Dipsea is an audio app full of short, sexy stories designed to turn you on!   The characters feel like real people with real lif...

Peez introduced this episode, Crystal serenaded our intro, Toto is timeless and Pata Fria might be drunk. There’s a new Damato in the gang, 80’s Cabbage Patch Kids are the current obsession and we got some things to celebrate!!!! War times are getting intense, don’t make a joke of adrenochrome, iron lungs are crazy and Grandmacore is not what it sounds like.  Check out this week’s sponsors! • Glad...

Welcome. This is not a scam.  Knees are getting injured left and right, Peez had a meltdown in front of the paramedics and Mexican pizzas have been subpar.  Check out this week’s sponsors!  BetterHelp Professional therapy from the comfort of your own home. Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HE...

It’s our anniversary.  Familial masturbation is awkward.  Pata Fria’s ghost is jealous again.  The wedding was beautiful and Crystal beat a ticket!  Be grateful for everything, even the hard lessons. Carolyn needs a phony inspection. Dreams are getting crazy and we have serial killers.  Check out this week’s sponsor!  • DIPSEA Dipsea is an audio app full of short, sexy stories designed to turn you...

If you don’t like us, we feel you. Pata Fria was given a defective vagina, Crystal used to love morning after pills and there’s a fine line between subtle enhancements and full on transformation. Crystal lasered herself a new face and loved telling everyone all about it.  Men flirting is really cringe. Sexual dysfunction is stressful and Crystal is NOT from Steel Magnolias. For bonus content and a...

Pata Fria is a bio hacker.  Roasting yourself is empowering!  Bring back pink popcorn, more lavender foods and bad moms are a popular theme this week.  It’s Latinx heritage month! Scarface is cancelled and don’t give your child a ridiculous name.  Check out this week’s sponsor!  • DIPSEA Dipsea is an audio app full of short, sexy stories designed to turn you on!   The characters feel like real peo...

Happy Birthday Peez!!  Hers a big girl and is already acting like it.  The Queen has passed. Now return the stolen artifacts. We’ve been having record breaking temperatures, don’t share my goodbye letter and tape your mouth shut.  Check out this week’s sponsors!   • BetterHelp Professional therapy from the comfort of your own home. Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For...

CHREEEEEEEES!!  We feel sick. Crystal is a woodworker. Don’t sleep with your dead pets and Pata Fria is opening a Montessori school.  Be patient with your neurodivergent partners and learn your love/apology languages.  Forgiveness develops with time. Growing up in the 90s was so incredibly toxic and have you made a virginity promise to your dad?  Join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction   F...

The kids are back to school and bringing home germs, yay! Crystal is a contractor specializing in residential renovations. The local Starbucks needs to train their employees on proper protocol.  Bukk is here. Beater Boys. Please keep your pets away from onions and garlic!!  Check out this week’s sponsor!  • DIPSEA Dipsea is an audio app full of short, sexy stories designed to turn you on!   The ch...

Happy Birthday Crystal!!! Camping was a shit show, trouble follows us everywhere and influencer drama has us in a chokehold.  Reviewing some unnecessary write ins, not the good kind.  Check out this week’s sponsor! • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, that’s betterhelp.com/HE...

Leo season is upon us.  We’re recording in a bed.  Is Pata Fria’s ig gone forever?  Crystal’s house and nerves are in disarray, Pata Fria and Will started fasting and talk shows in the 90s were AWFUL.  Join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction   Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction   Instagram.com/lurkpatafria   Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Email us your questions/stories at: hel...

We’re doing our best.  Crystal’s house is all over the place, Pata Fria is a carpet cleaning professional, stop leaving your lashes everywhere.  We’re still waiting on Uncle Jimmy, let’s all take monkey pox seriously and always plead not guilty on your tickets. It’s worth a shot. Check out this week’s sponsor!  • DIPSEA Dipsea is an audio app full of short, sexy stories designed to turn you on!  ...

Is the Choco Taco really saying goodbye?  Kids, finish your raisin water, snap peas and blackberries.  Shaving Cream has a lot of uses! Your name coulda been Elvis.  Stop wasting paper towels and wash your rice?  Check out this week’s sponsor!  • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code H...

Welcome to grow tf up everything isn’t funny.  Carolyn might be getting a roommate, Pata Fria is becoming a gamer and we might move to LA.  Never leave your kids unattended, follow these notes on how to be a good wife, zebras in CA is true.  Check out this week’s sponsor!  • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhel...

Back loving the Blood Mary’s.  Let’s all get new haircuts. We live in hell, boric acid is not for everyday use and if you’re into skat play safe!  People flashing their lights in the daytime are friends! And Crystal won’t even cheat with a doll.  Check out this week’s sponsor!  • DIPSEA Dipsea is an audio app full of short, sexy stories designed to turn you on!   The characters feel like real peop...

In person is always better.  Everything in moderation, even the good stuff.  If you love me, play dead.  Loss of a pet is insanely rough.  If you’re gonna dress up your siblings at least take pics.  Check out this week’s sponsor!  • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, that’s b...

We’re so happy to be back.  We would like a Raisin Bran sponsorship.  Now Bunny has Covid.  Be careful driving cars that backfire.  Bladder botox is ridiculous and we miss our grandmas.  Check out this week’s sponsor!  • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, that’s betterhelp.co...

We’re back!  Crystal and family had Covid, Pata Fria ran away to Florida. iPhones are messy, don’t make new videos of dead loved ones, Crystal will never stop seeing dad d*ck and got a hot new bathing suit!  Check out this week’s sponsors!  • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO...