Hello Dysfunction

Pat is recovering from alcohol poisoning.  The live shows were more than we ever hoped for. Crystal thinks she has a “dance space”. Nations got us thinking we’re famous. Is Lizzo disgusting? Crystal is Peez’ favorite person in the world. And Taco Bell better stop skimping us.  Check out this week’s sponsor!  BetterHelp Professional therapy from the comfort of your own home. Right now BetterHelp is...

We’re bleeding, overwhelmed and preparing for the live shows. Pata Fria is testing a new intimate bleaching cream, it’s Jimbo’s birthday, William hurt himself and Mark has been a huge help. A UTI vaccine is coming, a little progress is being made in the Tupac murder investigation, don’t fake a kidnapping and don’t act a fool in another country.  Check out this week’s sponsor!  BetterHelp Professio...

It’s been a rough eventful week. Crystal is losing a toenail, displays excellent self control and has another new word for us. Pata Fria got a new car, shot photos in a kinky dream house and had an interaction with a possible trafficker.  Check out this week’s sponsor!  BetterHelp Professional therapy from the comfort of your own home. Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners....

We’re fancy and video production has begun.  Pata Fria is experiencing creative mania, Crystal is showing off her vocabulary and if someone asks you about an enemy just say they died.  Don’t let your power get cut off, be kind to shipping employees and you know gore is bad when it leaves you with chest pains.  Check out this week’s sponsor!  BetterHelp Professional therapy from the comfort of your...

Finally some nice weather.  Happy Birthday Bunny! RIP Billy and shoutout to all the great dads. Real panic auto adjusts your senses, stay out of submarines, Pata Fria had another planned parenthood date and don’t be the friend with the smelly vagina.  Check out this week’s sponsor!  BetterHelp Professional therapy from the comfort of your own home. Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to ou...

Pata Fria is off her meds. Crystal has PTSD from a popular love song. Compliments from women are the only ones that matter and Orcas have had enough. Being naturally funny makes anyone attractive and you never know what’s coming when Carolyn is on live. For bonus episodes join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Inst...

Crystal has a serious announcement.  We have an official HD tattoo.  Americans sometimes have to share prescriptions, Carolyn is a natural liar and she might have some secrets.  Pata Fria has some excellent post-breakup advice, Big Mama got her groove back and having standards is actually really important.  Check out this week’s sponsor!  BetterHelp Professional therapy from the comfort of your ow...

Pata Fria drank a cigarette and feels sick.  Nations loves us therefore we’re famous.  RIP Tina Turner.  Be careful doing whip it’s, Nicki Minaj is embarrassing, men are not our favorite and the universe has been picking on Crystal.  For bonus episodes join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldam...

Pata Fria is the birthday girl.  And also Stevi.  Mother’s Day was lovely, Crystal’s parents are inappropriate and our background noise is always a surprise. How honest are you? We hate Walgreens and love a good crime doc.  For bonus episodes join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Emai...

Crystal thinks she’s so funny at the worst times.  Peez and Crystal have the same pronunciation, Mae and Ivan are done, Pata Fria is fired from the promo team and mark your calendars for the live show!!  Check out this week’s sponsor!  BetterHelp Professional therapy from the comfort of your own home. Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head o...

It’s really true what they say, what’s done in the dark will always come to light. What happened to girl code? Crystal is almost prom queen at the new Safeway and many thanks to Robyn.   For bonus episodes join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Email us your questions/stories at: hello...

This week Hello Dysfunction got to sit in with another Bay Area podcast, Burbeck and Garretson. We got some male prospective and a lot covered with seven of us all sitting in.  Follow them for more awesome episodes at Burbeck & Garretson on Spotify  and Instagram.com/burbeckandgarretson   Check out this week’s sponsor!  BetterHelp Professional therapy from the comfort of your own home. Right n...

We’re still sick.  Pata Fria is drunk and off her meds.  The craft supplies are out of hand and Crystal has some great white trash tattoos.  Crystal’s family has more dark secrets and sharing a bed is poor people shit.  Check out this week’s sponsor!  BetterHelp Professional therapy from the comfort of your own home. Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your fi...

Crystal loves having phlegm.  Pata Fria is going thru metamorphosis. Again.  Peez loves to cause a scene and cigarettes are pretty hot. Crystal’s dream ruined their new lashes, local sex workers are making everyone really proud, eating food in the bathroom isn’t that bad and the 90s were pretty barbaric.  For bonus episodes join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram...

Rest In Peace Queen Prudence.  Stand on one foot if something is wrong.  Pata Fria is a single woman and will be for the rest of her life.  Poppies and eagles are for Merica. Carolyn is gonna hit Crystal any day now. Uncle Jimmy wants something and Pata Fria really doesn’t need alcohol.  Check out this week’s sponsor!  BetterHelp Professional therapy from the comfort of your own home. Right now Be...

This week we’re doing something different and sharing part of an episode that was exclusive to Patreon and we really enjoyed. We hope you like it, the full episode and video are on Patreon.  Check out this week’s sponsor!  BetterHelp Professional therapy from the comfort of your own home. Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to better...

Sinus infections, vertigo and stomach viruses…oh my! Traffic has Crystal ready to leave earth and tummy tuck swelling is an unpleasant surprise. It’s now illegal to send surprise unwanted nudes in CA and Trump is going to jail. For bonus episodes join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldamato21...

It’s a wild Saturday night!  Crystal got crop dusted, smoking used to be really cool, don’t encourage conversation with strangers and please always ask before dropping some heavy loads on someone.  Pata Fria can’t see and is still getting really manic. Crystal has taken steps to get her ADD under control and is drinking more water. Fords have no loyalty and being yourself will ultimately give you...

Crystal is planning a no dairy challenge, Peez is after all the babies, driving in the rain is scary and people are always showing up at Pata Fria’s door.  Carolyn is doing and not doing whatever she wants, insulting racist humor isn’t funny and you don’t have to claim your whiteness if you don’t want to.  For bonus episodes join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagra...

Pay your bills. Crystal is on the loose! We’re experiencing a REAL winter right now and Pata Fria’s foot is probably fractured. Mayo is really important to Crystal, Pata Fria has been leaning on God and they’re both considering starting a church. For bonus episodes join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.c...

Valentines Day was cute, same day delivery is dangerous, we can definitely be bought and some people don’t have visual imagination!  Childhood trauma is so so hard. We miss old TV dinners. Don’t let your kids date adults and Pata Fria has an album coming soon  Check out this week’s sponsor! BetterHelp Professional therapy from the comfort of your own home. Right now BetterHelp is offering a discou...

Surgery is done!  Pata Fria had a rough time but she’s finally home.  Don’t judge a book by it’s cover, re-use your towels and Robert Crumb is basically Crystal’s family.  Check out this week’s sponsor! BetterHelp Professional therapy from the comfort of your own home. Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use dis...

It’s episode 200!!!! We’ve been doing this for 200 years. Jimmy is alive. Happy Birthday Stinkers. Build A Bear has gone too far. Pay attention to the messages the universe sends you and don’t forget your kegals. For bonus episodes join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Email us your q...

Did your family swim in garbage cans?  RSV is terrifying. Dnt throw away cookies and try not to pee your pants.  Everyone’s info is on the internet and if you have it in you, be a Dom.  For bonus episodes join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Email us your questions/stories at: hellod...

Happy New Year!! Don’t pawn your family’s decorations for meth. Crystal was a really bad child. Girl you know it’s true is a timeless classic. Apologize in your partner’s love language! Being a woman is really risky. Movies from the 90s can be pretty great. Pata Fria is sensitive to criticism and mean parents get softer with age. For bonus episodes join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction F...